Moon Trance (Book 1): Shattered
by momonigiri
Summary: When Hawke had agreed to help the mysterious elf find his former master, Danarius, she thought it would be an easy task. But, what happens when he finds Hawke first? (R&R please, and rated 'M' for a reason)
1. Chapter 1: One Fine Evening

**Prologue: This is based on the game Dragon Age II. **

**Changes: character portrayal (in particular, Leandra, in my opinion), and Carver depicted as a mage. I loosely follow various plot aspects of the game, but it's pretty much an AU kind of story.**

** Rated 'M' for: strong suggestive themes/language. Enjoy!**

**Edit 7/21: I'm going through the story and editing it for flow and format.**

* * *

Elanna Hawke sat quietly one morning on a small, three-legged stool in the corner of her bedroom, and reflected on past events. It wasn't like her to do such a thing, but since moving to Kirkwall with her sister and her mother a few months ago, she seemed to be doing it almost daily. Today, her thoughts carried her back to the recent past, reliving her last moments in her home in Ferelden: the hurried nature of their departure, Bethany blasting through hordes of darkspawn with her magic, and their narrow escape in the direction of their mother's childhood home.

Flashes of endless fights flickered in the young woman's memory: the blood, the fatigue, and the fear her mother must have felt as she constantly tried to remain out of sight while her children fought off their pursuers. She remembered bickering with her brother, and the harsh words he spewed simply because he thought _he _would be a better leader for the family. And of course, the family squabble wouldn't be complete without Carver referencing how their father had always favored Elanna above the rest of his children. And that was when the ogre came, but Elanna was too mad to notice its presence before- - -

Elanna studied the dew covering the small windows in the room, the sun trying to peak through the horizon. Wetting her quill, she turned her eyes back to the yellowed book page she was filling at that moment. She moved her hand across the page quickly and lightly, writing her thoughts down as they came to her:

_If only Bethany wasn't a mage, then we wouldn't have to live like this..._

Elanna shook her head, trying to rid herself of the shameful feelings that had materialized into words. She blotted the phrase until several pages behind it were also soaked through with black ink. How could she write things like that when her sister has been nothing but a kind and gentle soul all of her life?

Scratching the page again, Elanna began once more:

_It's not Bethany's fault she was born a mage, nor is it her fault we are living in Lowtown..._

She recounted the events leading up to their admittance into the city of Kirkwall, lamenting the state of her Uncle Gamlen's house (not to mention, his drunken and obnoxious character). Elanna allowed herself a smirk of grim satisfaction as she wrote on:

_At least my skills are finally being utilized..._

She turned over to the next unstained page, and hurried to write down her thoughts on her time working for the rogue elf and thief-lord, Athenril.

_Can't say that I'm leaping for joy at the kind of work she gives me, but at least I don't have to kill innocent or undeserving people..._

The sweet smell of baking bread filled the room, making Elanna's mouth water. Scribbling a last sentence in her leather-bound journal, she rose to go into the kitchen to see what her mother was doing.

_Meeting Varric today...hope he'll have a good job for me..._

* * *

Walking over to the space that served as the kitchen area, Elanna cleared her throat as her mother looked up, wringing her delicate hands on a tattered dish towel.

"Oh, Elanna, you're awake. Would you mind helping me with breakfast before the others wake?"

"Of course, Mother... anything I can do to help," Elanna addressed the woman before her as she grabbed a knife and began slicing various cheeses.

A few minutes passed without conversation as the two women busied themselves around the small kitchen. Elanna turned at the sound of a robe rustling behind her.

"Bethany," Elanna said warmly, facing her younger sister with a soft smile.

Her sister returned Elanna's smile with a groggy one of her own as she wiped her eyes.

"Breakfast is ready," Elanna began as she took plates of cheeses, juice, fruit, and bread to the make-shift table at the other side of the room.

The plates began to shift toward the left. Elanna grimaced, and taking an un-nailed piece of wood from one of the panels on the floor, shoved it underneath one of the table's legs. The plates stopped moving, and Elanna hoped the decrepit thing would last through breakfast without falling apart like everything else seemed to be doing.

"What?" Bethany began as she looked at the table, "You're not going to set a place for yourself, Lanni?" the younger Hawke continued, noticing a plate missing from the breakfast table.

Elanna smiled. It always made her happy to hear her sister refer to her by her childhood nickname.

"No, I don't have time to sit in for breakfast...looks like I'll be heading over to the Hanged Man soon to see what Varric has in store for me today."

Refocusing her attention on setting out utensils so as not face her mother and sister's worried looks, she continued,

"I have to do something...otherwise, how are we ever going to get out of...of _this,_" Elanna gestured around her to provide emphasis.

"Can't I go with you? I may be helpful with the magic I know. I thought after everything, you'd finally let me fight alongside you more often," Bethany pleaded as she looked from her mother to her sister.

"Bethany, you can't draw attention to yourself. If anyone finds out you are an apostate mage, they'd surely throw you in the Circle. The reason we came to Kirkwall in the first place was to build a new life...not make ourselves the targets for more trouble." Mother said reasonably as she placed a hand on Bethany's shoulder.

With a sigh that said she understood, Bethany sank down a slowly in a chair, and began to eat in silence. Elanna, kissing her mother on the forehead and waving goodbye to her sister, left their small home in search for the illustrious and famous Hanged Man Tavern.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Hawke, this is going to be easy coin," Varric said, taking a swig from a water jug on the table in front of him, the excitement etched across her face was obvious.

Elanna chuckled. Another change happened since coming to Kirkwall as well: no one ever called her by her first name, Elanna (she honestly wasn't sure if she had ever _told_ anyone her real name). To everyone in Kirkwall, she was Hawke: the tough, rogue warrior who was more comfortable on a battlefield than in a lady's dress.

It was now mid-morning, and Hawke was sitting across the table from her companion, Varric. The dwarf was covered in gold rings along his ears that jingled whenever he was excited or laughing.

He leaned over to speak to Hawke in a more private manner, "Look, I talked to one of my many, many contacts, and they set me up with an easy job for the night. Grab Aveline and meet me here tonight when the sun sets. We'll head on over to a warehouse where we need to retrieve some 'stolen goods'."

"What do you mean by 'stolen goods' exactly..." Elanna said, her eyebrows raised in suspicion. The dwarf chuckled as an all-too-familiar glint shown in his eyes.

"Ah, by that I mean, I am not sure who is doing the stealing- - -us or them." Now laughing heartily, Varric thumped the woman on the back.

"Alright, I'll meet you here with Aveline, but I hope we'll end up less bloody than we did on our last job- - -" she replied while trying to keep a stern face. Varric, however, could see Elanna's eyes dancing with playful mischief.

"Ya' know, you really are somethin' else, Hawke...looks like life will never be boring as long as I'm with you."

Hawke waved a hand as she exited the tavern, looking for a quiet place to polish her equipment and knives.

* * *

-**Fenris**-

Finding Athenril was difficult enough, but then stealing the amount of coin needed for her "services" proved to be just as difficult. He placed a leather pouch in her hand. She opened it, counting the silver inside, then nodded.

"Seems everything's in order. I'll inform Anso to direct them to the Alienage. Something to do with a chest, hmm?"

"Yes. The merchants are in possession of stolen property," he lied. "I need your people to help me get it back."

"Is it…valuable?" Greed practically dripped from her words.

"Mere childhood memories, I assure you."

"Hmph, it'll be done within the week," Athenril said, now uninterested.

Fenris shifted uncomfortably. "No sooner?"

"Probably tonight. Of course, please feel free to do this _yourself_ if you think you can do a better job."

"No. I can wait."

He left, feeling uneasy and on edge.

_Can Athenril_ _be trusted? Seems she would sell her own kin if it meant making decent coin. What if it take days for anything to happen? She said Anso would be in Lowtown, so maybe I can wait there._ Ducking his head, he began making his way through the unfamiliar streets.

He traveled slowly, doing his best not to get lost. The twists and turns of Kirkwall were vaguely reminiscent of Minrathous, though in no discernible way. Constantly looking behind him, Fenris felt that at every turn, he'd see Danarius waiting for him, beckoning Fenris to come and accept punishment- - -something much worse than death, in his opinion.

Night fell slowly, the sky becoming streaked with an array of purples and blues. The moon was well overhead by the time he entered Lowtown, walking quietly with footsteps placed so as to make the least amount of sound. The only other creature out at this hour was a dwarf, wide-eyed and trembling beside a merchant's cart. Fenris approached slowly, eyes and ears alert for an ambush.

"Are you Anso?"

The dwarf jumped, clutching his chest, "By the Stone, where did you come from? Who are you? Are you with that group? I already sent them to the Alienage, not ten minutes ago. Please don't kill me."

Anso shrank back into the shadows, eyes tracing Fenris' markings.

"I won't kill you. They were here already?"

Anso pointed in the direction they had gone, "Yes. They're not that far from here. You should be able to see them up ahead."

Fenris could hear faint shouts and metal clashing.

"Shit," he muttered.

Weaving through an alley as quickly as possible, he spotted a group of people before him. But by the time he got to the Alienage, the battle seemed to have stopped. He could hear a man and a woman shouting insults at one another. Another man stood watch, scanning the horizon just outside the fight, probably looking for Fenris. In one swift motion, he drew his dagger and thrust it into the man's back.

"Captain!"

Fenris pushed his victim, letting his body crumple onto the ground, lifeless. Fenris stepped into sight.

"Your men are dead," he announced.

A small group stood near the Alienage's tree—two women and one dwarf, their clothing and armor drenched in blood. Their weapons were drawn, but none of them moved to attack him. Near the steps, the slaver laughed, whip clutched in hand.

"Here you are, Slave. Time to come back. Your master misses you."

"He is no longer my master."

Rage flared within Fenris, activating the lyrium in his flesh. His arm glowed an eerie, blue color as Fenris shoved his hand within the slaver's chest and clutched the man's still beating heart. Dropping the organ onto the ground, he sneered.

"I have no master."

The dwarf whistled. "Well now, that's quite a display of power ya' got there."

Fenris shook blood from his fingers, scowling.

_Did these people kill all of the slavers? How could they have managed? _

"Are you the people Anso contacted?"

"We are," one of the women answered. She stepped into the light, her raven dark hair made her moonlit skin seem to glow and her eyes sparkle like emeralds.

"Anso said we were to recover stolen property, but I'm sorry to say we couldn't find anything. Were you working for him as well?"

"No."

He bent, digging through the dead man's pockets, seeming to ignore the group standing in front of him. In a side pouch, he found a flat black stone bearing Danarius' sigil.

"It is as I feared." Fenris stood, facing the woman again. She seemed to be in charge of the group; the red-headed woman and the dwarf clearly deferred to her.

"My former master, Danarius, is a Tevinter magister who sent these men to recapture me. I am the 'stolen' property to be recovered, but I wish to retain my freedom. If you will assist me in slaying him, I will reward you."

She glanced at her companions, then back to Fenris. "No one deserves to be a slave. If he's as bad as you say, we'll be happy to help kill him. No charge."

"That's noble of you, Hawke," the other woman murmured in agreement.

"Hawke, is it? I am called Fenris."

She smiled and bowed slightly. "Elanna Hawke, at your service- - -my friends Varric Tethras and Aveline Vallen. We'll do whatever we can to help you, Fenris."

"So, where to, Elf?" Varric asked, hefting his enormous crossbow back into its holster.

"Hightown. Danarius has a mansion there, I recall. I see no reason for him to be waiting anywhere else."

Hawke laughed, her eyes shining. "One nighttime adventure after another! Who needs sleep when there's a mansion to sack and a magister to kill?"

"That's the spirit, Hawke!" Varric laughed. "I know a quick way to get there. Follow me."


	2. Chapter 2: Mansion of Shadows

**Welcome to Chapter 2! **

**A/N: Headers are meant to be used as a guide to the POV. Enjoy!**

* * *

The dwarf's route to Hightown was, indeed, faster. They traveled in near silence with only Varric humming under his breath. Neither he nor the slender young woman beside him seemed to be worried, though. Aveline moved with easy grace, as if her heavy armor weighed no more than paper. Fenris watched Hawke as she moved through the streets at Varric's direction, evaluating her weapons. A dagger and some throwing knives were tucked into her belt, as well as two larger blades which rested at her back.

_She's obviously a rogue of some sort. Why did she offer to help kill Danarius? Perhaps she means to turn me in as a way of granting his favor._

Fear crawled within him, urging him to abandon these people before their inevitable betrayal.

"Is this the place you mean?" Varric asked, interrupting Fenris' thoughts.

He nodded, "This is it."

"Well, let's not stand around counting the stars," Hawke said as she marched confidently to the front door. She tried the handle, frowning as it opened easily at her touch, "They may be expecting us."

"Then we shouldn't disappoint them," Aveline replied, sword in hand and shield at the ready. Stepping carefully, she disappeared through the doorway behind Hawke.

Fenris followed, peering into the silent mansion. "Danarius!" he shouted, "Come and meet your fate!"

He was answered by throngs of shades and well-armed mercenaries rushing toward them.

"Here we go!" Varric cried happily, "Come on out, Bianca, and say hello!"

The air around the soldiers ignited, knocking them to the floor with concussive force. Fenris turned to see Hawke, her jaw set in calm concentration as she threw what looked like a small hand bomb, stunning her victims senselessly.

Only Varric seemed amused, as though this were all some incredible joke.

"That's two for me! How many have you got, Hawke?" the dwarf called out.

"Five!" she shouted back, "Keep up, or you're next!"

_I knew it_, Fenris thought, plunging his sword deep into a mercenary's chest. _As soon as she's finished with these men, she'll turn on me. Or her companions._

They rampaged through the mansion's rooms, killing everything that moved. Hawke was merciless to demons and guards alike, yet seemed to take special care to spare her friends from danger. Fenris noted several times that she could easily have hit any one of her companions with the hand bombs she threw, and yet, chose instead to ambush her enemies, or somehow get them to accidentally kill one another if she were too close to her allies.

"Behind you!" Fenris heard a voice yell, the sound ringing in his ears. He whirled around with the ease of instinct and practice, taken by surprise by one of the mercenaries.

Hawke swooped down almost as true as her name, and stuck both blades into the man's chest as Fenis, without hesitation, ran his sword over the man's throat. For a split second, Fenris was so near to Hawke he could see her eyes glimmering with adrenaline , but her outward demeanor remained calm and collected. She returned this glance, and for a moment, it seemed as if the noise and killing quieted. Confused by the flash of another emotion he could not place, he lept aside to offer aide to Varric and the others.

_I must be so weary that I am beginning to imagine things..._

* * *

Danarius never appeared, however, and the rage within Fenris began to boil over. Kicking a chair so hard it smashed into pieces, he gestured around the room.

"Take whatever you want. I'm sure you could sell some of the items here. I…need some air."

He stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Stopping outside of the large entryway, he felt the markings on his arms pulsate as the night's cool air drifted over his skin. Danarius was gone, and he had no idea what his next course of action would be.

The mansion's door opened. Hawke and the others walked out, stopping at a respectful distance in front of Fenris.

Hawke said softly, "I am sorry we were unable to find your...former master, Fenris, I truly am."

_Sorry? She is sorry?_

Confused yet again, he crossed his arms over his chest, "You sure you didn't use some kind of magic back there...the amount of force and accuracy required of a normal human to execute those kinds of skills is...uncommon, at best."

"I am no mage, but my sister is. What of it?"

"So you do not deny that magic runs through your family's blood? Or perhaps, she is already in thrall to a demon and you dared not mention it before now?"

Her face darkened, "Bethany does not practice blood magic."

"You say that now, but I have seen mages give in to the temptations of a demon, and nothing good ever comes of it. It is only a matter of time before she turns on the people who love her."

Aveline glared at Fenris, "Come on, Hawke, let's go."

"In a moment."

She walked forward, close enough for Fenris to see the fatigue in her eyes, her voice oddly quiet, "I'm sorry we couldn't help you tonight, Fenris. If there's any way that we can help you, please, tell me."

He hesitated, caught off guard by her refusal to argue with him. "I apologize, for I am indeed grateful for your help. If you would like me to travel with you, to repay my debt, you can find me here."

A slight smile touched her lips. "You haven't seen the last of us. Good night, Fenris." she waved, and they were off. He shook his head and went inside.

Fenris wandered the mansion for most of the night, rummaging through every crate and chest he could find. He found nothing to indicate danger, but most things were too obnoxiously fancy for his taste. Naturally, considering that this mansion originally belonged to Danarius, the wine cellar was excellently stocked, with bottles from every nation in Thedas. Perhaps one evening he would indulge himself— but for now, he needed to keep alert in case anyone was searching for him.

At last, Fenris grew weary as his eyes could barely remain open. He managed to find some thick, winter blankets up in the main sleeping room on the west wing of the mansion. There was a crispness to the air during Kirkwall's nights which was a sure sign of the cold season approaching.

Making a fire came easy to the elf after having made so many fires while being on the run in the wilderness. Soon, a small blaze crackled merrily in the fireplace. Cocooning himself in blankets, Fenris set his weapons carefully within reach, and removed his chest piece and bracers with a sigh. He had no reason to stay in the mansion for an extended period of time- - -not with Danarius still breathing. But for now, this would be good enough. A bird chirped its greeting to the sun just as Fenris drifted off to sleep.

* * *

-**Hawke**-

Adrenaline still pumping through her veins from the night's events, Hawke tread as lightly as she could to the small water basin in order to rid herself of the dirt and dried blood stuck to her skin. As careful as she tried to be, the creaking of the old wooden floor woke her sister Bethany. Hawke mouthed a silent "sorry" as she gingerly stripped her gear, wrist-guards, and blades.

Bethany playfully pinched her nose in Hawke's direction and indicated that she reeked from the outdoors, and placed her hands over the basin while chanting a version of a fire spell to heat up the bath water.

Looking over at her sister, Hawke was filled with compassion and a slight hint of pity.

_This is why I fight...so people like Bethany can remain free... _She thought, walking over to Bethany when she signaled that the bath was warm enough.

The sound of water splashing around the basin relaxed Hawke, and she sighed deeply. Bethany took the sponge from her sister's hand, and proceeded to wash her back, carefully running the warm water over any new cuts or scrapes.

"You seem awfully quiet..." Bethany whispered, her Feraldan accent thick in her words.

Hawke snapped out of the daze she seemed to be in and sighed softly as she said, "The night was...not what I had expected..."

Worry strained Bethany's kind face. "Is everything all right? What happened...?"

Turning to get a better look at her sister, Bethany thought she noticed Elanna turning pink. Or perhaps the dim lights in the house were playing tricks on her eyes this late at night.

"Let's just say that the 'goods' we acquired tonight turned out to be very good indeed..."

* * *

Lying on her back and staring into the darkness, Hawk's mind drifted back to the elven slave, Fenris.

_I wonder what he is doing now? That old mansion is probably covered in blood...and what about clothes...and food? He looks like he doesn't even eat a decent meal everyday..._

A smile curled her lips as she rolled over and fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning came all too early for Hawke. But, she managed to wake herself up before any of her family, and went into the tiny washroom to freshen up.

"Ugh, why do I always have the worst case of bed hair in the morning?" She sighed to herself as she dragged her brush through her long locks, putting up her hair in her favorite style out of her face by means of a french braided up-do. Brushing her bangs smooth, Hawke entered into the kitchen area and got the baking flour out.

"Baking bread so early in the morning, Elanna?" Mother said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, and startling Hawke.

"Oh, I um...thought I'd bake the bread this morning...and pick up some fruit at the Lowtown Market since I got paid yesterday..."

"And...?" her mother said, seeing right through her daughter's nervousness. She waited patiently for her to respond.

Fidgeting under her mother's discerning gaze, Hawke gave in.

"Well, Mother, it's like this...do you remember the 'job' I said I had yesterday...?"

* * *

"Oh, I had no idea...oh that poor boy..." Mother said after Hawke relayed the previous night's events, minus all of the literal gory details.

There was a pause in the room as both mother and daughter pondered their thoughts.

"Well, this just won't do at all...Elanna, after you bake the bread, take a loaf with you when you visit Fenris today. Some fruit,too, like you said...oh, and some cheese...I wonder what kind he likes..."

Hawke smiled in spite of herself. _Mother is always so understanding...most people would have not had one ounce of the compassion she has once they knew he was an escaped elf slave..._

"Oh dear... I wonder what he would want to drink..." Hawk was interrupted by her mother's fussing over her new acquaintance.

Stuffing a small cloth bag with the now baked bread, two kinds of cheeses, an apple, and a jug filled with water, Hawk's mother handed her the bag, an impish smile on the corners of her lips as she bid her daughter a safe trip.

The morning air rushed up to meet Hawke as she opened the door. Shivering slightly, she pulled at the the corners of a robe she borrowed from Bethany as she made her way down the winding roads until she reached the old mansion where Fenris was staying.

She hesitated.

_Why am I feeling...apprehensive about seeing him again...? We just met last night..._

Pushing the nagging feeling aside, she swallowed and knocked softly on the door.

No answer.

Looking up, Hawke noticed the curtains billowing in front of an open window.

_Maybe he left...after all that bloodshed and killing last night, I'm amazed he'd still even consider staying here._

Hawke was jolted back into the present as the hair on the back of her neck began to stand up. Someone was watching her. Silently, Hawke reached around and grabbed one of the small throwing knives she always carried with her in case of an emergency.

_Maybe that man...Fenris's former master...came back last night after we left...maybe he's still inside..._

Without waiting for a response any longer, Hawke tried to bust through the door. But, someone else, at that exact moment opened the door, the flash of steel and blade shining in the early morning sun. Hawke was thrust inside the mansion by the strong arms of someone clearly a fighter. From years of training at her father's side, Hawke was an expert at escaping potential threats. Slipping out from underneath the unknown man's arms, Hawke brought up the throwing knife between her fingers as she pointed it at the man's throat in a motion almost to swift to see.

"Danarius!"

"Mage!"


	3. Chapter 3: Breakfast, Maps, and Intrigue

**Welcome to Chapter 3! If you find anything interesting, exciting, or something you wish me to expand upon, just comment below, and I'll work in into the story. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Hawk had a blade to her neck as well, but that was not what made her gasp. There was Fenris, the markings on his flesh burning a bright blue with a face filled with rage and anger as he growled his greeting. She blinked in confusion, mouth slightly open at the suddenness of again being so close to him.

Fenris' face softened slightly as he recognized Hawke's blazing green eyes from under her hood. The lyrium scars on his body began to ache.

"Hawke?" he said with a clentched jaw, "Why are you dressed like...like _that_..."

Fenris released her from his iron grip, flexing his still stiff fingers. Slipping the throwing knife underneath one of her sleeves, Hawke stepped back and tried to catch her breath. A cat-like grin crossed her face.

"It's 6 o' clock in the morning Fenris, and it's blighted freezing outside so excuse me for not wanting to catch a cold."

Fenris could feel himself slowly smiling, even if he himself dare not wish to admit it. Collecting himself, he bowed deeply, a hand across his chest.

"You have my apologies. I just thought...perhaps...you were another slave-hunter..."

Looking up from his bowed position, Fenris thought he saw the woman's ears had turned a slight shade of pink as she fiddled with the small sack she was carrying.

"Please, do not bow for me, Fenris. I just brought you some breakfast is all..."

_What? Why would she do that...I can take care of..._

Fenris heard Hawke laugh softly as he felt his own stomach growling.

"Ah, seems I am a bit..."

"Famished?" Hawke contended as he led her into the large room that was originally meant to be a kind of entertaining room for guests.

Tentatively receiving the bag from Hawke, Fenris led her up the stairs to where he had started a small fire in the main room.

"I like the stained glass windows...they seem so 'you'." Hawke commented as she sat down on a bench near the fireplace. Fenris watched the woman next to him, noticing once again the brightness her green eyes possessed as she looked around the room.

_What does that mean...it's 'so me'? She says it like it's a bad thing..._

Opening the cloth sack Hawke had given him, the warm, sweet smells of freshly baked bread engulfed his senses. Just the smell of the bread made his mouth water.

"Please, eat. You'll have to let me know what you think of the bread next time we meet."

_She's leaving?_ _Should I just let her go? _

Oddly, he didn't want her to leave.

"You're probably busy, but would you like to stay for a while?" he asked.

"Sure," she nodded.

Fenris tore into the warm loaf with his teeth, letting a sigh of contentment escape.

"Thank you for the bread, it's very good."

"You have my mother to thank for that. I learned how to bake her specialty breads when I was a little girl."

_She baked this?…well, she certainly doesn't seem the type..._ Fenris thought, trying to imagine Hawke with an apron wrapped around her rogue's gear.

Feeling the silence in the room, he attempted to fill it.

"So tell me," he began before taking another bite of the bread, "Your family is from Kirkwall?"

"My parents are from Kirkwall, but they left, and settled in Ferelden a few years before the Blight. Most of my life consisted of running from Templars, training underground with my father. My sister, Bethany, and Carver trained as mages when they were old enough. My father died a few years before the Blight."

Questions overwhelmed him; he began with the most obvious.

"Your Father raised your sister and brother to be apostates?"

"He did." Elanna studied the back of her palms before going on, "Sometimes I wish things were different…it's like, I'm always on edge, always expecting Templars at every turn, and at the end of every alley. I know it's foolish, but I just wish I had been given another option…"

Fenris stared at the stark white scars on his arm, watching them rise and fall as he rotated his hand. "We don't always get a choice."

He could feel her gaze on his face. "Um, I don't mean to pry, but- - -"

"My markings? It is lyrium, burned into my flesh and bone by Danarius. They give me extreme power and speed, and as you saw last night, I can reach into a man's body and do whatever I wish to kill him."

He looked up, expecting to see envy or greed, but instead sadness filled her eyes.

"I had no idea—I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how terrible that must have been."

"I have no memory of my life before the marking ritual took place. If I have family, they were not mentioned to me. All I knew was how to serve Danarius."

"Then I'm glad you were able to escape, and I'm sorry we couldn't kill him last night."

"As am I."

He set the bag aside; his hunger pains gone.

"So you are not a mage?"

"No...I...my brother, Carver, and my sister, Bethany, are both mages..."

She grew sad, but did not elaborate; instead she stood, holding one hand out to Fenris. The sadness was pushed out from her eyes as she smiled.

"I'm due to join up with Varric at the Hanged Man, if you'd like to come. Varric has something he wants my help with, and you look like you could use the company."

He stood, considering her offer.

"I don't want to be in the way."

"Oh, please. You handle a sword well, and you know how to defend yourself. Besides, you wouldn't believe the amount of trouble we run into on a daily basis."

She smiled again, this time, genuinely. Fenris felt a slight warmth creeping up his neck as he looked at her.

"Besides, what are you going to do here all day by yourself? Dance around in your undergarments while singing show-tunes?"

"A fair point," he admitted, allowing himself to smile in return. "Lead on."

* * *

Hawke seemed distracted and quiet as they made their way to Lowtown, but Fenris didn't mind. He was comfortable with silence, a trait that she clearly shared. They found Varric playing cards in the Hanged Man. Varric's face lit up as they approached.

"Welcome to my humble abode, Fenris! I think you'll agree that living above a tavern has certain _advantages_."

"It's fine if you don't mind the foul odors in every corner," Hawke quipped. "Not that my uncle's place is a castle, mind you. Who knows what he's got stashed away in those old closets of his?"

"Moldy cheese is my guess." Varric grinned at Fenris.

"Count yourself lucky that you haven't had to smell it yet. You wouldn't wanna' eat for a week, at least. I don't think your body would hold up any longer if you skipped any more meals, judging from the way _you_ look."

Fenris frowned, looking at his feet. "This is how I always look."

"Don't let my mother see you, then, or you'll spend every waking moment with food in your mouth." Hawke laughed. "So, Varric, what mad scheme do you have planned for us today?"

"We still need those maps I told you about. We could go looking for that Grey Warden and see if he'll help us."

"Maps?" Fenris glanced at Hawke. "What sort of maps?"

"Our lovely Hawke here has so generously donated her time and money to help fund a lucrative expedition into the Deep Roads." Varric said, grinning as he looked up at his rogue friend.

"More like a gamble, if you ask me..." Hawke responded, comfortable with returning Varric's wit with style.

"I see. I am at your disposal Hawke, until my debt to you is paid..."

"Loosen up, Elf, she's no Queen of Kirkwall." Varric laughed, a deep rumbling that made his entire small stature shake.

"Varric's right, Fenris. If you claim to be a free elf, then no more of this bowing and formal talk, got it?"

Fenris laughed awkwardly, looking away.

* * *

"Hey Elf, you comin' or what?"

A few long strides were all it took for Fenris to catch up with the rest of the group. He noticed one less person than the night before.

"Where is your friend...I believe her name is Aveline, today?"

Hawke headed for the exit.

"Oh, she had early guard duty. She joined up when we got to Kirkwall, about a year ago, since being a thief didn't sit well with her. I can't blame her; it would be a little odd for a former officer in the King's army to run around with, ah, less-than-desirable types."

"Indeed. So, you have been living in the city for a year you said?"

"Yes, hard to believe it was that long ago when..." Hawke murmured something Fenris could not hear.

Coughing nervously, she turned to him. "Have you been in Kirkwall long, Fenris?"

"Not long."

"Where have you been staying all this time?"

He shrugged, uncomfortable in the face of her sudden questions.

"Here and there."

"Fair enough." She clearly sensed his reluctance to talk, and to her credit, didn't seem interested in prying.

"Varric, where are we going?"

"We're starting in Lirene's shop—you know, the one who's taking donations."

* * *

Darktown, like everywhere else in Kirkwall, was appropriately named. For all Fenris could see, they were underground, though Varric assured him that technically, the sewers lay further below.

"Hawke! I think this is the place!" Varric called, poking his head back around a corner. "Ready for some fun?"

"Right behind you, Varric."

She rounded the corner and looked up a short flight of stairs. "Those would appear to be lanterns. Lit ones."

"Yes, they would...just as the donation's woman said there would be. Let's hope he's inside."

Fenris kept up with the party just a few steps behind everyone. Glancing behind him, he made his way into the small doorway.

Let's_ hope *who* is inside, exactly?_

* * *

The clinic was a large space, probably a repurposed warehouse, with sawdust strewn all over the floor. A small group of people huddled over one of the few waist-high tables. A man stood over a sickly woman, muttering something Hawke could not discern. He finished, collecting a small blue orb of energy from the air, then with a loud _pop!, _it disappeared as quickly as it had come. The patient and his family left, leaving Hawke to face the healer.

He spun on them, clutching his staff. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"Are you Anders?" Hawke gestured to Varric. "My friend told us you might be able to help us. We need to go into the Deep Roads, and I heard you might have maps."

He took a step back, really looking at the armored woman that approached him. He smiled, showing the whites of his teeth.

"I might, at that. What makes you think _I_ would have them?"

Unable to meet the healer's gaze as he waited for an answer, Hawke kicked up dust on the ground, seemingly uninterested.

"As a Grey Warden, you'd have knowledge others wouldn't." She finally replied.

He laughed ruefully. "_Former_ Grey Warden. I'm no longer in the business, you could say. We had…irreconcilable differences."

Hawke examined his face carefully for any sign of deception. Although he appeared cordial and charming on the outside, she could not shake the strange feeling she felt by being near him.

"Fine. You want my help, you are going to have to do something in exchange for my services by providing a service of your own."

Fenris flexed his hand into a fist. _Humph… typical..._

Surprised by the rapid surge of anger that welled up inside of him at the thought of what the Grey Warden's request of Hawke would be, all Fenris could do was cross his arms in front of his chest and scowl at the man before him.

Hawke meanwhile, accepted Anders' request to help out his mage friend at night fall in return for the maps and the possibility of added protection from an experienced healer-mage.

Leaving Anders' clinic, Hawke glanced over at Fenris, who seemed to have something weighing on his mind, but she dare not ask. It didn't seem to Hawke that Fenris would appreciate a nosy woman in his business.

Verric cut into her thoughts. "So, any plans for this afternoon?"

"I still have to return that amulet to the Dalish camp on Sundermount. You all are welcome to tag along."

"Sounds good to me. Fenris?"

"Well—I didn't have any plans—"

"Then come with us," Varric interrupted. "No use in you sitting in the dark in that smelly, old house, brooding all day. Besides, we might make some money. Even _you_ like money, I'll bet."

"I wouldn't brood."

"Elf, I've known you a day, and I can already tell: you're a brooder. Don't worry, give the girls of Kirkwall a good story about how dark and broody you are, and you'll have them fawning over what a lost soul they've found. They'll look at you with big, doe-eyes, tell you how brave you are, and cross their hearts with your name on it."

"That sounds terrible." Out of the corner of one eye, he saw Hawke's face turning pink.

"Stay in this city, and you'll be fighting off your adoring fans with a stick. I promise it." Varric laughed. "It's about time someone other than me got all the attention around here."

"Well then, come on," Hawke said, hasty to change the subject. "We've got to reach Sundermount soon, and we still need to meet Aveline outside her work post."

* * *

The atmosphere as they left the Chantry was heavy. Hawke was appalled Anders killed his friend without so much as even blinking. Added to this was the fact that he nearly got the company captured by the Templars. Hawke was fuming.

Anders reached out to touch her arm, attempting to soothe her even as Karl's blood dried on his hands. Hawke recoiled, and nearly fell down the Chantry steps. Before she could cry out, Fenris reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her close enough to smell the light lavender perfume of her hair once more since this morning. Hawke gasped, clutching his hand in hers, blinking in confusion.

"Are you all right?" she asked, releasing him slowly. "Did I hurt you?"

His markings ached where she had touched him, as if she had thrust hot needles into them, but he shrugged her concern aside.

"I'm fine, but I'm afraid I can't say the same for you."

"No, no I'm fine. I just... moved too quickly and got light-headed, I suppose."

Fenris had a hard time believing that a rogue, someone trained in the stealth arts, would ever feel faint from "moving too quickly", but he refrained from comment.

"I think it's been a long day for all of us. Let's go back and get some rest. Hawke, Varric, Fenris...Anders. I bid you farewell for now." Aveline said as she retreated into a side street and back to her residence with the Guards.

Hawke, still reeling from the ordeal with Anders and his so-called friend, watched Anders slink off into a back alley.

"No doubt on his way back to that 'clinic' of his... as if treating a rash on some patient will excuse him from what he did back there...disgusting..."

Fenris, looking at Hawke as her eyes followed Anders until he was out of sight, felt intrigued by the anger blazing in her deep green eyes.

* * *

Hawke couldn't believe the day she was having. Most importantly, she couldn't believe that Anders, a self-proclaimed healer and helper of mages, could so willingly kill his friend. But, that was all over now, and there was only Fenris left by her side. Hawke glanced up at the elf beside her, and noticed him returning her gaze.

_It's like he can see right through me._

Hawke laughed as she tugged at the corner of her ear.

"Um... I could walk you back to your mansion, if you'd like Fenris. I have to pick up some sewing thread and a new needle to mend my leather wear...didn't think I'd wear mine out so quickly, actually."

"I wouldn't want to..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you don't want to be in the way." Hawke finished for him. "Actually, there's something I've been wanting to ask you all day, but things kept coming up..."

The earnest look in Hawke's eyes unsettled Fenris for a moment. Although he was used to requests- - -more like demands- - -from his former master, Danarius, he was not expecting them from Hawke. She immediately noticed him stiffen up.

"No no, it's nothing serious or even important, really." Hawke waved her hands in front of her face. "I need..."

Fenris looked at her expectedly. "Yes?"

"Practice."

Fenris stared, unsure how to take the comment.


	4. Chapter 4: Of Knives and Melodies

**Welcome to Chapter 4! **

**A/N: The melody I imagined Hawke playing is a cover of the song "Falling Slowly" (from the movie "Once") played on a harp. Voice modeled after Aoi Teshima**

* * *

"Fighting practice. If we are going to go on this expedition of Varric's, then I need to get stronger, I need to get faster."

A frown deepened on Fenris' face as he took a step away from her.

His scowl hardened, "So, when it comes down to it, you are no better than anyone else in this world. Hungry for power."

Hawke stepped further away from Fenris, she could feel her anger warming her cheeks.

"You know, not everyone is hungry for power like your dog of a master Danarius was, Fenris," she said as she turned her back to him.

"If only I had been faster, then Carver...Carver would..." Hawke cut herself off and fell silent, he arms hanging tiredly by her side.

Fenris blinked in surprise.

_That boy she keeps mentioning...Carver...something must have happened to fill her eyes with so much pain and sadness when she speaks of him..._

Fenris cleared his throat, "I- - -am sorry. I was too quick to judge your situation."

Hawke slightly turned her head, acknowledging she heard his apology. Fenris shifted, resting himself up again a nearby wall.

"What makes you think I'd be a suitable sparring partner for you?" he smirked, "The lyrium burned onto me provides me with power you could never have which is why Danarius did it in the first place. You could not match my skill."

"Oh yeah?" Elanna replied, walking up to the elf and staring straight in his eyes,"Well, I may not have been a rogue for very long before Father died, but I did get a knife to your throat this morning. Or did you forget our little tete-a-tete?"

The soft tone in Hawke's voice drew Fenris's eyes to meet the woman's intense gaze.

_Good, I'm glad that distracted her_ He though with an internal sigh of relief. _I'd much rather have her focusing on anywhere but that sadness she feels so profoundly.._

"Very well," Fenris replied with a nod, "I'd be honored to spar with you."

Smiling unabashed, Fenris saw the usually cool and collected Hawke looking more like a vibrant youth- - -a young woman, rather.

"Fenris, Fenris? What are you staring at?"

Pretending to have caught something in his eye, Fenris turn away from her so she would not see his face turning red.

_Maker, help me...I hope she does not think how foolish I am acting now..._

* * *

Hawke, for her part, was overjoyed when Fenris said he'd help her practice fighting to hone her skills.

_If I can keep up with only half of Fenris' speed, then I can be quick enough for anything that comes my way...If only I had been quick enough while fleeing the Darkspawn, then maybe Carver would still be alive..._

* * *

Rotating her shoulders as if trying to rid herself of the bad memory from her past, Hawke trotted to catch up with Fenris as he made his way up to Hightown to where his mansion was located. Set on a beautiful piece of large land, the two companions made their way around the back of the estate. The cobblestone evidence of Hightown's upper class status faded away as they entered into a medium sized courtyard complete with green, winding plants wrapping their tendrils along the light colored rock that made up the mansion's structure. Steps leading up to the back entrance of the main house circled the yard, providing excellent footing for arial techniques.

Eyes scanning the scene before her, Hawke nodded in approval as she began to ready herself for their mock battle. Fenris walked several meters away from her, standing under the shade of the only tree within the courtyard's confinements. The sun was now a shimmering, orange globe in the horizon, the clouds displaying similar shades of orange tinged with flecks of purple.

_The sun is already setting... I can't believe I haven't been back here since the early morning..._

Running her fingers delicately over one of her assassin's blades, Hawke called over to Fenris, "I'm ready when you are."

Unable to resist, he baited her further, "Courtesy demands that the woman make the first move."

Her smirk made Fenris blink a second too long. When he looked again, there was a smoke plume where Hawke's body had been, but no sign of her on the ground.

_She's... fast..._

Darting his eyes around, unwilling to give into a panicked search, Fenris closed his eyes, and listened. Feeling a breeze flow from behind him carrying with it the sweet scent he had smelled before, Fenris turned around to block the oncoming attack from Hawke. He met with a phantom technique however, as his blade slashed the empty air around him.

"Don't you dare take it easy on me..."

The whisper appeared to be speaking into Fenris' very mind. His senses dulled somewhat as he felt the end of one of Hawke's throwing knives sticking at the small of his back.

Jumping nimbly back with skill and grace, Hawke returned to her starting position.

"Round's to you, Hawke," Fenris called, genuinely impressed at her speed and skill without the use of magic or magical aides.

Hawke raked her fingers through her hair in frustration, "You're not even trying, so I don't need your sympathy points."

Fenris looked again at Hawke, sensing the distress in her voice along with the same look of anger mixed with guilt on her face.

"I...I would not wish to kill you," Fenris began in a low voice, "otherwise you'd already be dead."

"Then go ahead, _try_!"

Hawke, yelling louder than she intended to, knew she was losing her grip on her emotions.

_I've got to show him I'm just as fast and just as strong as he is..._

Fenris, taken completely by surprise by Hawke's sudden outburst, had a hard time keeping up with her swift movements as she ran along the courtyard wall, blades unsheathed.

"Fight back, damnit!" Hawke yelled in what sounded like some sort of war-cry.

Jumping down, blades aimed at the center of the elf's chest, Elanna was in a prime position to do serious damage to Fenris.

"No, Hawke, stop," Fenris said as he blocked her attack, "You aren't fighting with reason..."

But, Fenris's warning fell on deaf ears. Hawke continued to lash out at the elf, seeming to gain speed and momentum with every swing of her blades.

"I…deserve…to die for what happened to Carver…!"

Fenris jumped back to avoid getting hit by Hawke's oncoming assult, but as soon as he did so, Hawke threw a knife with deadly accuracy. Instinct kicked in, and Fenris could feel his markings start to glow as the world around him slowed to almost a stand-still. Hawke's throwing knife, and Fenris, seemed to have vanished into thin air.

"Wha-? Where..."

Before she could even take a full breath, Fenris appeared behind her, the throwing knife dangerously close to her neck. Raising the woman's neck with one hand while pressing the blade against her throat, Fenris had a death grip on his victim.

The two stood there for a while, frozen as victor and victim, as the wind hummed through the leaves in the trees. Hawke could hear Fenris breathing, like the low growl of a menacing wolf.

Suddenly realizing the situation, Fenris loosened his grip on Hawke slightly, not without noticing the long lines of her neck before doing so.

Then he saw her face. Dropping both blades at her feet, Hawke felt her knees get heavy. She tried to fight it, but the emotion that had been trapped inside since she had left her childhood home overflowed, refusing to be confined. Closing her eyes, she whimpered softly.

Startled, Fenris released Hawke from his grasp, watching her crumble to the ground at his feet.

"Did I injure you? I'm so- - -"

"No... not it's not that," Hawke interrupted, barely above a whisper as she stared at the ground.

"I...I'm too weak...too slow to ever match you...just like I was too slow to save...my own brother..."

Fenris looked down at the woman at his feet. Running his fingers through his hair, feeling his ears burn, he bent to extend his hand out to his companion, "I am not in the best place to offer you forgiveness from your past. Only you can do that. Do that by honoring your brother's memory."

He could see no tears on her face, but when he took her hand, he could feel her quivering slightly. Looking down, Fenris was puzzled by the sensation running along the markings on his hand. Instead of feeling a searing burn when she touched him, he felt- - - cold- - - as if someone had thrown him into the iciest lake in Tevinter. For the first time in his life, he felt relief from the pain.

"Oh..." Fenris studied Hawke's hand in his as she slowly got to her feet.

"What...?"

"I think... no, nevermind," Fenris replied, taking one last look at Hawke's hand to see where the the coldness came from.

Fenris had a sudden urge to test out a theory, but he decided against it. Best not to let Hawke think him foolish.

"I should escort you home, Hawke. You're in no condition to wander Lowtown on your own."

"I can take care of myself..." Elanna replied, but her words were empty of anger.

Sighing, Hawke walked around towards the front of Fenris' mansion as Fenris himself brought up the rear, careful to give her air. The door to Hawke's uncle's small home opened just as quickly as they set foot on the first step.

"Maker, where have you been? I was expecting you around dinner time, and now the food's..."

Hawke silently brushed passed her mother, leaving the upset woman face to face with Fenris.

Noticing her staring at his markings, Fenris bowed slightly, "Messere, I must take my leave..."

"Fenris, isn't it?" The older woman said as she smoothed her dress with delicate hands, "My daughter's spoken of you."

"Ah..." A familiar pain crept into Fenris' head as he rubbed his temples with an armored hand, " No doubt she has spoken about the fact that I am an escaped elf of a Tevinter magister named Danarius, and- - -"

"No, no, fortunately, you are mistaken," Leandra said so softly it was only a whisper, "Actually, she told me how bravely you fought against those who wronged you, how you live up in that big mansion all alone, and how you're..."

Hawke's mother smiled. Fenris could clearly see the resemblance, but there was an aura of reserve different from her daughter's.

Leandra covered her mouth delicately, "Well, that is for another day, I suppose."

Looking back into the small house, concern filled her light eyes, and she glanced back up at Fenris.

"She looks like she's been through another Blight...what on earth..."

"Carver..." was all Fenris could manage to say.

Understanding washed over her face, "Poor child," she began with a shake of her head, "She still blames herself for what happened to him, and refuses to let anyone help her let alone see how much pain she carries on her shoulders."

"Your daughter is much stronger than she gives herself credit," Fenris said, surprising himself by interjecting so tersely.

He was rewarded with a small curtsy, adding to Hawke's mother's eminent elegance.

His ears twitched as an unknown melody filled the air. Someone was singing as she played what sounded like a harp. The song was soothing and calmed his entire being. Hawke's mother merely smiled again, gesturing to the back room. Another woman appeared from the kitchen, a mage's staff at her back. Her hair was much shorter than her sister Hawke's, but she had a soft round face that said she was innocent, and full lips indicating she was sensitive. The younger woman seemed to take no mind the to silver-haired elf standing in their main doorway.

"What's wrong with Elanna, Mother? She only sings that song when she is upset..."

"That's _Hawke_?" The words spilled out of Fenris before he was able to contain himself. The woman looked at him, and her face lit up in recognition, although Fenris could not guess why. They had never met before.

"Fenris, what an honor it truly is. I am Elanna's sister, Bethany."

"The mage?"

Fear flashed momentarily in her eyes, but was replaced with the sweetest smile Fenris had ever held sight to.

Straightening up, he put an arm across his chest in a kind of solute.

"Forgive me, serah, for I spoke out of curiousity, not spite," he lied, "Your sister speaks highly of you."

The two women proceeded to speak in the archway, but Fenris was only partially listening. He couldn't believe Hawke could play so beautifully eloquent.

_She is surprising, I'll give her that._


	5. Chapter 5: Under the Shade of a Tree

**Welcome to Chapter 5! As always, thanks for stickin' by me throughout the story, and I hope you enjoy it so far. Happy reading, and don't forget to review or give suggestions!**

* * *

Leaning up against the door to the mansion until it creaked open, Fenris dragged himself inside and slumped down into an overstuffed, red sitting chair. His eyes burned from weariness.

_I need a bath... _He thought to himself as he studied his hands.

Since his acquaintance with Hawke, Fenris found himself in the company of people more than he was accustomed to during his life as a slave. People, Fenris thought, that actually had some sort of substance.

Old blood still caked his armor from the company's bout with Karl and their adversaries the other day, and as Fenris flexed his knuckles, brownish-red flakes drifted onto the floor. Darkness seeped into the elf's eyes as he stared off into the bleak emptiness of his recently acquired mansion.

_That degenerate mage...Anders...he is a viper I will have to watch carefully. If he so easily murdered his so-called 'friend', than it is only a matter of time before he turns on Hawke as well..._

Unwilling to let himself brood any longer (he was determined to prove Varric wrong about his tendency to do so), he set about the task of looking for things like towels and a sponge to clean off the day's wear on his body. Fenris' pointed ears twitched in slight amusement.

"On second thought..."

Fenris grabbed an armful of firewood, and sauntered up the stairs to the second floor. There, in one of the back rooms, was a formerly immaculate bathing area. Like every other room in the dilapidated mansion, the tiles were faded, chipped, or completely missing, and every surface had a blanket of stale dust on it.

At long last, he stripped off his armor, and lowered himself into the stone basin which he filled with heated water. A sigh escaped his lips as he relaxed, resting his arms on the tub's edge. He watched the hot steam drift up towards the ceiling; the novelty of soaking his entire body had been too great for him to ignore. Lazily, he drew patterns in the water, watching the little ripples and eddies left by his trailing fingers. His muscles loosened slowly as he sighed in relaxion. He had prepared baths for Danarius for rituals or Senate meetings or other, less savory business, but such a luxury had never been made available to a slave.

Methodically he scrubbed every inch of his skin, searching for major cuts or scrapes that might need to be taken care of. But to his surprise, he had sustained only minor injuries and a few tender bruises. Carefully, he rose from the tub, drying himself with one of the towels he had found nearby. His armor could wait to be cleaned until morning. Before heading upstairs, he opened the small drain latch on the side of the basin, letting the filthy water seep into a hole in the center of the room.

_Tomorrow, at the market, I should pick up some soap as well as some food stuffs to repay Hawke for the wonderful breakfast_, he thought, then shook his head in amazement. _No. I'm only staying long enough to pay back my debt to her, and then I'm going somewhere safer._

Fenris draped a blanket around his shoulders, then settled before his little fire, removing a hunk of cheese and an apple from Hawke's bag. He ate slowly, replaying the day's events in his mind. Despite the risks, Hawke seemed to be collecting mages from all over the territory. The Dalish girl seemed sweet and charming, but the fact that she so readily uses blood magic was of no small concern to Fenris. She would be dangerous.

And yet, Fenris had to admit that Hawke showed every outward sign of disapproval that night in the Chantry. She'd even begged Anders to spare his friend, to let the man go back to the Circle with his life intact. Naturally, Anders had ignored her. And then there was the dwarf, Varric, and the coffee-skinned pirate, Isabela. Fenris stifled a small laugh- - - at least those two were as talented at fighting as they were at telling jokes.

He fed the fire, watching the light dance over his skin, his smile fading once again. Perhaps Danarius was right: Was he really free? Would he ever escape the fate of his markings? Danarius was powerful, and his touch had elicited many sensations—fear, revulsion, despair—but Fenris' markings had never reacted the way they did earlier with Hawke. If nothing else at all, Fenris wished to learn more about her effect on him.

He awoke late the next day. With a groan, he rolled out of bed, pulling a blanket loosely around his hips before heading downstairs. He drew fresh water into a bucket, sat down with a rag, and began the process of cleaning his armor. It could have been the work of mere minutes, but Fenris was thorough, wiping every last trace of dried blood and dirt from the leather. When finished, he set it aside to dry while he dug through the abandoned chests in search of suitable clothes.

Fenris had taken more time than he'd thought; the Chantry bells were tolling for the mid-morning services.

"Now's as good a time as any to go into the Lowtown Market." he concluded, taking Hawke's bag from yesterday's breakfast with the intent of returning it later that day.

* * *

**::during this same time::**

* * *

**-Hawke-**

Aching in places she didn't know she had from yesterday's practice fight, Hawke got up uncommonly late. Her uncle had already left to "take care of some business", and her mother was at the Marketplace doing the day's shopping. Only Elanna and her sister remained. Wiping the grogginess from her eyes, Hawke shuffled into the kitchen area to find Bethany slicing bread for the morning meal.

Seeing her older sister enter the room, Bethany beamed. "I saw him last night, you know."

Any trace of sleepiness cleared from Hawke's head almost immediately.

"Saw who? You were out last night?"

"No," Bethany said, interrupting Hawke before she could pose any more questions. "The elf... you know...Fenris..."

Hawke looked at her sister questioningly. "Are you sure? He was only suppose to follow me around the corner from the house.."

"Oh yes," the younger Hawke said emphatically, "there was no mistaking it. He was deathly worried about you, I'm afraid, even if he wouldn't let on how upset he was at seeing you in the state you were in last night."

Hawke blinked.

_Impossible. Bethany must have mistaken his permanent brooding scowl as someone worrying about me._

Seeing the denial on her sister's face, Bethany continued. "He heard you singing."

"Oh...?" Hawke could feel herself flushing from embarrassment as Bethany giggled like a girl half her age.

"I knew it! You fancy him! Can't say I really blame you..."

"Bethany!" Elanna exclaimed as her face flushed crimson, "Fenris is just..." Hawke stopped, and thought back on the previous events of recent days. "A companion... just like Varric..."

Although Bethany didn't pursue the matter any further, Hawke knew well that her sister could see right through any sort of lie she could possibly conjure up.  
Later that afternoon, Hawke sat in the small space outside of their home while mending her leather gear.  
Smiling faintly at her reflection in her favorite blade, Hawke proceeded to re-dress herself with her wrist and arm guards. With her blades safely sheathed behind her, she sighed contently and took the opportunity to rest her tired eyes. After all, Varric said he wouldn't need her for another job until after dark.

* * *

**-Fenris-**

"It is unwise to be so unguarded in broad daylight."

Curling her fingers around her blade, Hawke loosened it instantly when she saw who was talking to her. Quickly she rose to greet Fenris, coming up to his shoulders as she looked up into his deep dark eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Fenris," Hawke retorted.

Remembering the awkward events of the previous day, she looked down at her boots, and tried to sum up some semblance of an apology for her rash actions.  
Fenris, suspecting the nature of her of sudden uneasiness, raised a single hand and gestured in a waving motion.

"If you thought I came here to seek an apology, then are you mistaken."

Hawke lifted her eyes and met Fenris' with a small smile.

"Thanks. I thought surely after yesterday that..." Her voice trailed off.

"Everyone has their own poison inside them that they need to bleed out."

With that said, Fenris walked over to the doorstep and politely knocked until Bethany answered the door. Fenris said a few polite courtesies and handed Bethany the cloth satchel Hawke and brought him the other day.

Returning to Hawke's side, Elanna noticed he was fully armored, with his massive warrior's sword at his back.

"Going somewhere?" Hawke inquired.

"When I agreed to help you train, what did you think? That we would only spar once and be done with it? You definitely need some improvement."

Hawke was taken aback; she didn't know whether to be insulted or happy that Fenris was so serious about helping her to train.

Reaching for his sword, Fenris swung it down until it caught the sunlight, nearly blinding Hawk and forcing her to take a few steps backward.

"As I thought." commented Fenris as he too stepped at a distance from Hawke. "You are undoubtedly quick, and the rogue techniques you use are undoubtedly advanced, but you have little experience with hand-to-hand blade combat. Correct?"

Taking her prolonged silence as an unwillingness to outwardly acknowledge her faults, Fenris continued, "During a battle, speed is not enough if, once you get close enough to your opponent, you do not have the will or determination to see a fight through to the very end. This is especially true if you do not catch your enemy by surprise, as you most often try to do to avoid actually fighting one on one."

Hawke folded her arms defensively.

_How is it he seems to know my entire battle strategy from a mere two-day acquaintance?_

Her annoyance was interrupted as Fenris stepped closer. Reaching behind Hawke, he unsheathed the blades strapped to her back.

Caught by surprise, Hawke inhaled deeply.

Thoughts ran through her mind before she could stop them, _He smells like pine trees, mint and something else... What is it? Whatever it is, it's nice..._

"I want to see you use the swords that you carry on your back," Fenris said, handing Hawke her weapons. Her eyes clouded over in defiance.

"I use them in every battle, I don't know what you're talking about..."

Stooping lower, Fenris grabbed the smoke bombs, throwing knives, and other small projectiles Hawke always carried with her.

Hawke stood there like a frightened baby deer.

_He's so close... I wonder if his hair is as soft as it looks- - - _She stopped herself before her hand acted of its own free will.

_What's the matter with you, Elanna? _She chastised herself silently as Fenris walked over and set the equipment off to the side.

"Now we fight." Fenris said while beginning to stretch out his muscles. "No special effects, no bombs, and as an added measure, we'll fight over there."

Fenris pointed to the courtyard.

"What's so different about fighting there? We practiced there yesterday."

Hawke frowned slightly as she walked over to the same spot. Fenris trailed a few steps behind her.

"Indeed we did. This time we will not fight in the clearing. We fight on the stone ledge in between those two columns"

Hawke stared.

"That's not even ten feet long, and half a foot wide- - -"

The elf jumped up onto the small stone beam, his large, body-sized sword held by his side.

"Exactly," came his reply, "You need to enhance your skills with those blades if ever you are in a cornered situation with no outlet."

Hawke sat down on the ledge at a distance from Fenris as she re-laced her boots. Using her two curved rogue's swords for support, Hawke pulled herself up in a fighter's position. The sound of metal on metal reverberated through the air as elf and girl clashed in combat.

* * *

"I think it's time now for a much needed break. Wouldn't you agree, Hawke?"

Hawke bent over panting, hands braced against her knees for support. She wiped the grimy dirt and sweat from her brow.

"I was ready for a break hours ago. You're a beast, Fenris, I don't know how anyone can keep up with that sort of stamina."

Hawke was pleasantly surprised when she was rewarded with one of Fenris' rare smirk-like smiles.

Her heart fluttered.

"A beast? Hardly… you are the first woman… the first _person_ to ever give me any sort of challenge in the area of combat. I relish the fact I am forced to always be my best around you."

Hawke stared down at the ground at her feet, hoping Fenris could not see her smile.

Fenris whispered something under his breath in what sounded like another language. Hawke looked up curiously at the elf standing a short distance from her, running his hand over the stone ledge slowly. He quickly averted his gaze when their eyes met.

"What does that mean, what you just said?"

Fenris cleared his throat, his armor clanking softly as he shifted back and forth on his feet. For a while, he remained silent, and Hawke began to think he would not answer at all.

"It is the language of the Tevinter Imperium. It is a phrase which means, 'You bring freshness to a stale air'…"

Hawke's blush deepened as she pretended to kick a nearby tree clumsily.

_What do I say, what in Maker's name do I say? Think of something witty..._

"Sounds hard...that Tevinter language stuff..."

_Yeah…smooth Elanna…he probably thinks I am terribly awkward now…great…_

She made a mental note to practice her social skills with Bethany that night, a thought that had never crossed her mind before now.

Fenris looked pensive for a moment, studying his sword's reflection of the orange afternoon sky.

"Yes, I suppose it would be for someone unaccustomed to an archaic language."

The silence between the two thickened, the air becoming charged with a forcefulness Fenris could not place. Throughout the entirety of his life, Fenris' range of emotion stemmed from anger, pain, or despair. The lightness he now felt in his heart was completely foreign to him; he had no idea how to deal with these new feelings creeping into his waking consciousness. He took a deep breath in, trying to ease the tight nervousness he felt clenching his chest that was, for the first time, not induced by fear or anguish.

_The battle is over, and I am in no immediate danger_ Fenris thought to himself, _so why is it my pulse quickens and my hands turn balmy when I look at her? _

Fenris cleared his throat loudly, "Ahem...I'll fetch you some refreshments..."

"Fenris wait- - -"

Hawke cut herself short as Fenris was already at the mansion's entrance.

_There's no need to be serving people anymore..._

* * *

The elf emerged from the dark mansion mere moments later carrying what looked like a thick, wooden cutting block in one hand with slices of thin meats, cucumber, two large bread rolls, and a small bowl with a variety of nuts. In the other, Fenris held a large silver pitcher, most likely meant to be a flower vase, as well as two stone cups and matching plates. With ease and grace, he strode over to the woman waiting for him under the tree.

Hawke struggled to get up, but Fenris reached her before she could help with his load of food. Kneeling down automatically from years of repetitive action, he began arranging the food delicately in front of Hawke.

"I did not know what you liked, so I hope there is something palatable ..."

Hawke shook her head, somber at the sudden change of her new friend's demeanor.

"I'll eat anything, Fenris, I'm no noble."

Hawke surprised herself by offering a small wink to Fenris. He lips turned upward in return.

"But, if you must know," she said while popping a slice of fruit in her mouth, "my favorite, beyond favorite food is Ferelden Carya nuts. I can eat them everyday and never grow weary of them."

Seizing her chance while Fenris was listening to her, Hawke swiped a cup and the water pitcher.

Fenris looked at her, brows knit in confusion.

"This time, Fenris" Hawke began, kneeling on both knees before him, and gesturing for him to pick up his water cup, "You will be the one _served_, not doing the _serving_."

A look of surprise lined the elf's expression, but he remained silent as Hawke poured him a drink and filled his small plate with food. He stared at the food before him, wanting to say something, wanting to say _anything_, but all Fenris could manage to do was stare down at his fork as food was placed in front of him.

Hawke didn't need Fenris to say "Thank you" to understand the look of utter gratitude on his face.

* * *

After their lunch was happily consumed, Hawke rested her back against the large oak tree nearby, and closed her eyes. Fenris, meanwhile, lay on his back, his hands folded behind his head as he gazed up at the autumn sky. There was an easy silence between the two companions as they rested in their own way.

"Varric has another job for us early this evening, I assume?"

Hawke noticed Fenris' use of the term "us" instead of his usual inquiry involving only her plans, but chose not to comment.

"Yeah, another money-making scheme again tonight, I bet."

Quiet filled the scene again for a time. Fenris studied a cloud that looked like a mage's staff, and he ventured with a question he had been burning to ask.

"What do you think about the abomina..._mage... _this _Anders_ guy?"

Fenris tilted his head to glance over in her direction when there was no answer.

"Elanna?"

There sitting under the tree cradling her rogue swords was Hawke, sleeping peacefully.

Fenris rolled over on the soft grass and continued to gaze up at the clouds.

He would wake her when Varric needed them.


	6. Chapter 6: Lunae Lecem (Moonlight)

**Welcome to chapter 6! Thank you for your words of encouragement and reviews of the story. Enjoy!**

* * *

Several weeks passed, and Hawke was beginning to see Kirkwall as her home. Although still living in her uncle's shack of a house, Bethany had informed her that there was indeed a chance that the Amell estate could be restored to her mother and their family. It was up to Hawke, now, to gather enough coin for their expedition into the Deep Roads which she did by completing side jobs with the help of Varric. What she didn't expect was her making so many friends in such a short period.

Hawke never had many friends growing up in Ferelden with most of her entire family being apostate mages and constantly on the run. Fewer still were the people that Hawke felt she could really confide in, but that all seemed to change suddenly since having moved to Kirkwall. Merrill, the young Dalish girl, lived close to her own residence, and in the past few weeks, Hawke had grown fond of her sweet charm and child-like innocence, and spent several evenings talking until the candles burned low in the elf's small home. Others shied away from her due to her use of blood-magic, but Hawke felt that she could be convinced to see that there was another way of helping her elvin kinfolk without such risks as making deals with demons.

Isabela, the pirate captain, was Hawke's go-to woman whenever she felt the urge to be mischievous or spontaneous. With her daily anecdotes of the men she'd been with or the storms she'd conquered while sailing, Isabela and Hawke never ran out of stories to tell each other. Some found the pirate to be crass and too easy to bed, but Hawke could see that underneath her rough exterior, Isabela had a genuinely good heart.

Aveline, the guard, was one of Hawke's first friends, and she could always count on her to be there when she needed her. If it wasn't for Aveline, Hawke may not have even made it to Kirkwall at all, so the two women had been close since arriving in the city together.

Jobs had gotten more numerous, and Hawke had indeed saved up quite a bit of coin, but the constant battles and near-death experiences were becoming too often and too tiresome for her taste. Today Hawke travelled with Merrill and Isabela just outside of the city, as Varric and Fenris scouted the Wounded Coast, checking up on a lead on Danarius' whereabouts. Hawke had wanted to tag along with Fenris, but she was already under contract for another job during that time.

* * *

"You know what you need, Sweetheart?" Isabela commented after Hawke and Merrill finished exterminating an area of unwanted beasts terrorizing the locals.

"Coming from you, Izzy, I don't know if I wanna' hear it…"

"Oh, tell me then!" piped up Merrill, her face filled with glee, "Is it some sort of juicy news?"

"Of course it is, Kitten, when is anything I ever talk about _not_ juicy?" She winked at Hawke seductively as only Isabela knew how to do- - -with everyone.

"Well, the other day, you talked about how you tied a man up naked just so you could steal his coin purse, and then there was that other time where you told me that- - -"

"Spare me the details, my heart can't handle it," Hawke said as she pretended to swoon onto Merrill's shoulder. The two women giggled like young girls.

Isabela pinched the elf's cheek playfully.

"What I was telling our Hawke here was that she needs to get out of those stinking boots, belts, and bracers for once in her life and have some fun."

Hawke laughed heartily.

"I'm sure your definition of fun is quite a bit different than mine."

"Quite the contrary, Love. I see the way you look at that piece of elf, Fenris. Admiring the nice view from behind, are we?"

Hawke nearly tripped on her own feet.

"What? I never...I haven't even looked... No of course not...!"

The more Hawke babbled on, the redder her face became.

"Oh look at Hawke's face! It's as red as the time when I spent the entire day out in the sun and couldn't move for week," Merrill said while frolicking around them, laughing (elves really did frolick, as Merrill herself told Varric one day).

"Oh thank the Maker, we've made it back to Hightown" Hawke said, running up ahead of her companions, "Look, a shaved ice stall! Who likes shaved ice? I'll get us all one. My treat!"

"Shaved or not, I've had both," Isabela joked.

"Is it my imagination," Merrill said, turning to the pirate, "or is Hawke purposely avoiding our conversation about Fenris? I dunno' what she sees in him; I think he frowns so much that if he were to ever smile, I'm afraid his face would crack."

Isabela laughed, "Ah, Kitten, that's what makes _him_ fun...and who doesn't like a bit of fun now and then?"

* * *

Sitting down at one of the eating benches nearby, the three women enjoyed their strawberry flavored ice despite the dropping temperature of the outdoors.

"Well girls, it's been a ball, but I've got other plans for this afternoon," Isabela said, slurping down the last of her drink.  
She licked her lips as she walked away.

"Oh Hawke, by the way, Varric told me to tell you to meet him in Lowtown by the potion's stall. Said something about a job he needed you to do."

Hawke grimaced.

"Ugh, _another_ one? I can only do so much in a day, you know."

Rubbing a particularly sore shoulder, Hawke looked down at Merrill.

"You don't have to come if you're tired, but I wouldn't mind the company."

"I'll come along," Merrill said, her large eyes round with uncertainty, "Besides, if I'm not with you, I may get lost trying to find my way back to the Alienage with all these twists, turns, and dark corners. I don't know how anyone gets around."

Hawke nodded in understanding as she tried to hide a smile.

"I'm sure Varric and I can figure out something to help you out."

And with that, the two companions walked off to find the dwarf for their next assignment for the day.

* * *

Following Varric, Hawke could not muster the energy to conjure up small talk as they wound their way through the alleys towards the Hanged Man. The sun set, and the Earth cooled even more as evening fell. It was only her and Varric remaining: Aveline had guard duty at sunrise, and Merrill was too shy to be seen at the Hanged Man just yet. Fenris had declined to go out for "a night on the town" as he referred to it, and Hawke couldn't help but be slightly disappointed.

"It's times like this I thank the Maker I live above the Tavern. That way, I can drink to my heart's content and my room is only a few drunken steps away." Varric chuckled as he opened the door.

The usual smells of the tavern drenched her clothes, and made Hawke's nose crinkle until she grew accustomed to the smell of drunken men, stale beer, and tobacco.

"Ah, if it isn't my favorite pirate, Isabela!" Varric said, drawing up a seat at a card table nearby as he motioned for Hawke to sit.

"Come join us, Lovely, the first round's on me!" Isabela chimed in, a shot of strong alcohol already in her hand.

Politely declining, Hawke separated herself from her companions at last and sat down at the small bar near the entrance where the air wasn't nearly so foul.

"I shit you not, Dwarf, it was _huge_!" She heard Isabela saying loudly, indulging Varric in the start of what would become a night filled with outlandish stories and enough booze to make a dragon's head ache in the morning.

Ordering a large goblet of the strongest whiskey available, Hawke sighed wearily. An older, bearded man with creased wrinkles etched into his face knocked her drink off of the bar counter. Instinctively, Hawke rushed to grab the goblet, its contents remaining unspilled.

She felt his eyes scanning her body.

"My my...as quick as you are beautiful. But where's that strapping lad with silver hair you use as a bodyguard? Such an exquisite specimen like yourself should never be left alone."

Hawke wasn't surprised a complete stranger knew Fenris, his markings and weapon of choice appeared strange to most commoners in Kirkwall, and he was often stared at blatenly whenever he entered a room.

"Minding his own damn business, I assume. I suggest you do the same."

The man slowly traced a ringed finger around the rim of Hawke's wine chalice.

"Such bright green eyes, and yet skin just the right shade of milk-white to make any man thirsty..." the man slurred as he put his hand on Hawke's thigh with a smile that made Hawke's stomach flip.

She slapped his hand away, causing it to hit her goblet and have nearly spill onto the floor a second time.

"You touch me again, and you won't have a hand left," she spat.

"Fine girly, you win..."

Stumbling over to meet his friends at a nearby table, the man sat down, playing a betting game with obsidian stones. Hawke meanwhile, was free to gulp down her own drink in silence, her mood soured. Paying the bartender quickly, Hawke exited the Hanged Man, without even telling Varric or Isabela goodbye.

The night air felt cool on her skin as Hawke began walking towards her family's home. But, after turning the first corner onto another back alley, Hawke began to feel unusually warm.

_By the Maker, when I told the barkeep to make my drink the strongest possible, he didn't kid around. _

She continued to walk, but noticed her steps seemed to require more and more energy, as if there were weights tied to her ankles.

Dragging her eyes upward, Hawke realized that it was still early in the evening, and yet, it seemed her eyes were heavy. Staring at the sky, the face of the mage in the moon seemed to glare back at her with a twisted grin.

_I don't ever remember the moon looking like that...what an odd shade of purple..._

A group of men lurking in the shadows watched her fall under the moonlight.


	7. Chapter 7: Moon Trance

**Welcome to chapter 7! This chapter contains themes some may find uncomfortable, so I consider it rated "M" for MATURE. **

**Enjoy, and thanks for all the reviews and follows!**

**A/N: _Luna Stupore Mentis="Moon Trance" respectively. Ignitus= Ignite_**

* * *

-**Hawke**-

The last thing Hawke remembered was feeling hot, and suddenly very sleepy. The more she tried to concentrate, the fuzzier her vision seemed to become. Finally, darkness enveloped her conscious.

The next memory she had was the sound of metal against chain. With her vision beginning to clear, she realized she was hearing the sound of her own chain and shackles. Hawke had been set on her back facing a blank ceiling. With each gulp of air into her lungs, she regained more of her senses. The woman surveyed her surroundings, fighting the urge to scream. There were no windows in the cramped room, but a patch of the ceiling seemed to be cut haphazardly to let the strange, purple moonlight fall directly onto her. It filled the room with an eerily dark ambiance.

Her night's clothes were sprawled messily over a chair at the far end of the room, and an archway glimmered slightly as if a wind's soft breeze were made visible.

_Magic,_ Elanna thought to herself as a lump of pure fear formed in her throat. _They've magicked me in...Even if I did find a way out of these restraints, I don't have the kind of power to break the seal in the room. Oh Maker, help me..._

Out of the corner of her mind's hearing, she knew people were approaching the room. Two hooded figures placed their palms on the magical barrier before them, and spoke a word of power that allowed them to enter the room.

"Nice of you to join us, serah," the taller of the two figures spoke, voice deep and masculine. Hawke recognized the man's voice as the same one who had talked to her in the tavern moments earlier. She yanked at the chains that bound her, not liking the tone of yearning in the man's voice that oozed out of every word he spoke.

"My my, you were right, Danarius," the other man commented, "She is quite a beauty. Andraste herself would be jealous."

Hawke's eyes widened at the name.

_No...Maker no...not him... anyone, but him..._

"Ah, so you know of me, Rogue-child," Danarius purred as his face split into a strange smile. "No doubt my former pet has mentioned me to you, yes?"

Panic momentarily replaced by anger filled Hawk'e eyes as she glared at Fenris' famed former master.

"Fenris is not your 'pet'," she hissed.

"Now now, no need to get angry, Love...if it wasn't for little Fenris escaping, I could not have found such a wonderful addition to my collection." Eyes brimming with a mixture of greed, anger, and desire, Danarius continued, "After all, Fenris was only my first attempt at creating the ultimate fighting weapon...but you...no, you will be much stronger, much more powerful. When I am done with you, you'll be perfect...you will be _mine_."

At this point, Hawke pulled with all of her might to break the chains that bound her, but to no avail. The look in Danarius' eyes as he approached her made her head spin. Placing a large hand on the curves of her stomach, Hawke shivered with dread and cold that coursed throughout her entire being.

"Leave us," Danarius said gruffly.

The other mage accompanying him saluted his master and left the room.

Feeling his eyes tracing the contours of her body, Hawke realized she was in merely a white gauze-like gown that fell to her ankles, her feet bare, and her weapons stripped. Danarius leaned closer to her face, the reflection of her own fear shining through his thirst-filled eyes.

"Yes, yes, the ritual will grant me so much- - -pleasure- - -to perform on you tonight. Unlike Fenris before you, whom I used brute force to burn the lyrium into his flesh, I have found an 'alternative' way to make lyrium stick to the body as well as bind you to myself. Yes...yes...I will have no trouble keeping you from escaping."

Hawke turned away and shut her eyes as tight as she could in revulsion. Danarius began to move his lips over the nape of her neck, his large, coarse hands lifting up her dress, exposing her thighs. Wild with panic, Hawke wished with all the Maker's power that this was just a bad nightmare. Danarius eased himself until he was hovering over her, a strange animalistic look in his eyes. The weight of his body on hers made it hard for Elanna to breath, and the unfamiliar feeling of skin on skin contact had the hair on the back of her neck rise

Elanna's heart raced uncontrollably until it hurt, and she began to get dizzy. Agony burned through Hawke's body, and she clenched her fists so hard she drew blood. She closed her eyes, the sound of Danarius' deep, heavy breathing frozen in her mind.

_It's just a dream...just a dream,_ Her mind screamed in resistance,_ I need to wake up. Shit it isn't working! Fenris help me please, FENRIS!_

It was no use: Elanna had little faith Fenris, or anyone, could hear her calling out.

* * *

-**Fenris**-

Aching with confusion and frustration, Fenris rubbed his throbbing head. Running through the days events, his thoughts returned to Hawke once again. She was nothing like the Tevinters: she didn't desire power, she refused to consort with demons, and thus far, seemed kind and accepting. Fenris couldn't help himself: he felt a strange compulsion to stay in Kirkwall, to join Hawke, and to discover the depths of her sincerity. He owed her a debt, and her offer of help in killing Danarius had not yet been fulfilled. He saw no reason to turn help aside- - - especially help with bewitching green eyes and an infectious smile. Rogue or no…Hawke was dangerously beautiful.

Fenris' head continued to ache. Not ache specifically- - -more like an itch in the back of his mind which he could not rid himself of. Looking out the window of his second story bedroom, Fenris, gazed distractedly at the scars on his hands. Getting up, he walked over to the small fire, listening to it crackle and hiss at him ominously. It wasn't like him to be so restless.

"_Venhedis_… what is wrong with me..." Fenris said aloud to himself, silently pacing the floor.

"I feel like...I should be somewhere..." Debating whether or not he had finally gone mad, he still could not shake the feeling of a distant dread. Hawke's face flashed before his mind's eye, which made Fenris even more worried.

"No, Hawke is fine," he said with a shake of his head, "it is much too late to be worrying for her now...I really must be going- - -"

A soft, but impatient rapping came from the door downstairs. Darting to the door, Fenris swung it open, utterly unaware that it may have been a trap. Relief overcame him.

"Haw- - -"

Instead of the Hawke Fenris was expecting, he stood in front of an older woman, clad simply in what seemed like a hurried effort. Rather than her usual polite curtsies, Hawke's mother looked anxious.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Fenris," Leandra said as she wrang her hands over over her cloth dress, "But is Elanna... could Elanna be with you?"

Startled by such a question, Fenris merely stared back at her.

Finally he spoke,"I would not be able to forgive myself, messere, if I had brought your daughter here so late in the evening."

To his surprise, Hawke's mother looked even more panicked and disappointed. Alerted by her reaction, Fenris stepped outside, shutting the door behind him.

"What has happened? Isn't Hawke at home?"

"N-no, I'm afraid she hasn't returned from her night's job that she was working on with Varric. But, if you're here...then..."

Fenris sighed slightly, releasing tension in his muscles. "I do know that Varric and your daughter were heading over to the Hanged Man for a drink after the job. Perhaps, she purchased a room for the night to sleep off her, ah, inebriation, until the morning?"

"By the Maker, I hope you're right..."

Fenris hoped with all of his being that he was right, although the restlessness now grew into a sense of dread at the back of his throat.

* * *

"Why, hello again, Elf. What brings you to the Tavern so late at night? Finally wish to try the dwarven ale I've been raving about?"

Varric's smile faded instantly when he saw Fenris and Leandra's grim faces in the torchlight that illuminated the room.

"Hawke," Fenris started, leaning down to rest his hands on the table in front of Varric, "she was with you this evening, no? Is she in one of the rooms here?"

Varric looked towards the ceiling of his suite room, trying to recall a memory fogged by a night of drinking, card-playing, and insatiable flirting with the bar maids.

"It's all a bit fuzzy, but I do remember her leaving in a huff when..."

Seemingly coming to a conclusion he clearly wasn't sharing, Varric shook his head as he covered his face with his hands. Fenris felt the marks on his skin starting to burn and ache, and tried to keep his voice down.

"Tell us what happened."

Looking up at Fenris, Varric sighed wearily.

"There were men here... not the usual lot of drunkards... And they were... asking about an elf with silver hair... Shit, this isn't good."

Panic overwhelmed the entire group, paralyzing their minds.

"S'cuse me, Elf... I was to give you this if you were to come into the bar inquirin' about a woman..."

Startled from his thoughts, Fenris focused his gaze on the barkeep wiping down glasses behind a counter. Taking an unusually small black pouch from the man, Fenris turned it over, a single black stone falling into his palm.

Suddenly, as if a fire had been lit under him, the lyrium in Fenris' skin burned the brightest Varric had ever seen, his eyes a shocking blue.

"_Fasta vass_! No no NO! It can't be!"

Filling the Tavern with the sound of pure hatred, Fenris vanished, moving as quickly as thought. The stone dropped to the floor, a white crest drawing scratched into the black obsidian. Varric turned over the stone, examining it carefully, before he comprehended what it all had meant.

Leandra, meanwhile, her face white with fear and confusion, uttered something under her breath that Varric couldn't hear. She cleared her throat, causing the dwarf to face the woman who was Hawk's mother.

"Varric, tell me- - - is my little girl is going to be okay? Tell me she won't be killed by whoever took her. Please..."

Varric, torn by the pleading gaze of Leandra, could not possibly look up to meet her eyes.

"I'm afraid that what could happen to your daughter would be worse than death itself."

* * *

_He will pay...I will kill him: rip out his heart and tear him from limb to limb and foul his ashes,_ Fenris thought, his mind blinded by rage.

Stretching out his hand as he ran, he activated the lyrium on his body. The glow stemming from his hand reflected off of a similar glow in the corner of an alley.

_Bastard...you're using Hawke to get to me?! Leaving your blighted pebbles to guide my way, and force me to use the power you gave me?!_

Fenris could think of little else. He did not want to think what would happen to her if he was too late.

* * *

"There there, Paccipita...my Little Hawk, that wasn't so bad, now was it? I daresay, you quite enjoyed yourself at the end..."

Danarius eyed Hawke, reliving the recent moments as he adjusted his mage's robes back into its original position. Hawke, her gown bloodied, turned her face away, letting the tears fall freely from her face.

_The pain...make it go away...please, Maker let this be all over..._

"Now for Phase Two, my pet..."

Smiling widely, he walked over to the other side of the room, and picked up a heavy book with a crest emblem embedded in its center. He carried the book over, setting it on a pedestal as he turned to face Hawke. Sitting on top of the pedestal were three small metal bowls: one containing a glowing red powder, one with a small purple nugget, and the last one with what looked like blue sand. Hawke didn't remember seeing the bowls there previously, and had no memory of seeing such ingredients before during her studies or during her sister's magic training.

"Wh-what are you doing? Wasn't it enough to have had your way with me?" Hawke spewed, angrily.

Feeling the tears well up in her eyes again, her voice shook, "Please...P-please Danarius...Let me go..."

The smile that curved on Danarius' lips frightened her.

"You'll thank me for this when I'm done..."

Raising his hands towards the sky, Danarius began chanting in a language Hawke had only heard from Fenris. A black magical air spilled out from his hands, and wrapped itself around the mage as he continued chanting. Danarius paused, and lifted his arms even higher. Hawke could feel her body moving unwillingly, floating upwards until the shackles were free from slack. Suspended in mid-air, the only sound Hawke could comprehend was the pounding of her own heart in her ears.

Danarius continued again in Tevene:

**"Light of the blood mage's moon, shine your power unto thee, piercing through flesh, winding like blazed thorns."**

Black, dull markings began to swirl and crawl their way around Hawke's body like an intricate and delicate design. Faint smoke rose from the markings as they snaked along her skin. Out of the corner of her eye, Hawke could see flicks of Danarius' black magic spiraling onto her face, like a tattooing. Using a small dagger, the mage sliced part of his palm in a smooth, quick motion. His eyes showed no trace of pain or fear as blood pooled into his cupped hand, but rather, his eyes looked wild.

Danarius went on:

**"From blood of thine own; two became one...One body, one magic, one life...****_luna stupore mentis_****..."**

The blood lifted off of Danarius' palm and rested on top of the markings on Hawke's skin, gradually fading the color from black to dark red as it wove throughout her body. Hawke's mind began to go blank. Danarius was all she began to think about- - - how Danarius should be served, how he should be made powerful, how she was eternally his.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

Following the stones until he reached an abandoned warehouse, Fenris blasted through the door and raced against time.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

**"Dust, sand, and stone in perfect harmony...embedded for perfect power..."**

The ingredients in the bowls rose into the air, mixed together, and liquified into a dull grey. The smooth liquid ran along Hawke's veins, and settled into the grooves of her markings. She began to tremble uncontrollably, the sound of the chains that bound her echoing softly.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

_I've got to find her...I've got to get to her before he has her._

Fenris heard the Tevene language being muffled in what appeared to be a back room within the warehouse. Scars nearly scalding him, he darted to the doorway where a sight greeted him that he wished he didn't see. There was Hawke- - -floating lightly, as if in a trance, bound, and shackled. Danarius' voice carried throughout the room.

"Hawke!" Fenris yelled, the magical barrier preventing him from interrupting his former master. Hawke blinked in recognition for a moment. The word "Help" formed on her lips but no sound came out.

**_"Ignitus!"_**

Hawke's blood-curdling screams pierced through the musty air in the room, gaining in volume until an inhuman-like wail filled every corner. Her eyes went dark and remote, and her body became rigid and arched in an unnatural way that made Fenris sick. Pulsating with light, glowing like a dying star, Fenris felt her screams vibrate his very bones, the deepest well of his being vibrating tremendously. The screams- - - _her_ screams - - -would be burned into his mind forever.

What happened next was all a blur for Fenris. It was as if he were outside of his body, and someone else was controlling it. He remembered blasting away the magical barrier, catching Danarius off-guard. Shrouding himself in a cloud of red smoke, Danarius vanished before Fenris could reach him. The spell broke, and Hawke floated down onto the table. Fenris gasped softly as his eyes traced her seemingly lifeless body.

"Lyrium burns..."

Fenris felt his throat tighten and dry, but he knew he had to get Hawke back to her mother and family.


	8. Chapter 8: Bright Lights, Dark Wandering

**Welcome to chapter 8! Thanks for all of your reviews, follows, and likes. I love hearing from readers!**

* * *

Drenched in blood and cradling something gently in his arms, Leandra and Bethany spotted Fenris making his way over to their house. Running up to meet him, Bethany had tears streaming down her face.

"I was too late," Fenris choked. "I failed. I...take her."

Bethany's voice cracked, "My sister is...is dead?"

Fenris pushed a lock of Hawke's black hair from her face, exposing the scars lining it.

"No...just unconscious..."

Bethany gasped, realizing that what had been done to Fenris had also been done to her beloved sister.

"You...you let _this_ happen to her?! After all she has done for you?!" Bethany screamed, slapping Fenris across the face and making him stumble.

"That's enough!" Leandra's voice cut through the night like a knife.

"Bethany, bring your sister inside and make up a bed for her. Now."

Glancing back long enough to see Fenris touch his face where her daughter had struck him, Hawke's mother disappeared back into the house.

_Should I follow? Should I tell them what happened? No, that would only make things worse, _Fenris thought to himself as he sat down behind the same tree he often found Hawke napping under during her free time.

Curling up and wrapping his arms around his knees, Fenris shut his eyes, hearing Hawke's scream searing through his memory. He slammed the tree trunk with a glowing hand, leaves drifting silently to his feet. A large hole appeared where his fist hit the trunk. His body ached, his mind ached, but most of all, his heart ached for the only friend he had ever known since becoming a slave himself.

_How could I have let this happen..._

Anger boiled from deep within him. _  
_

_I will make him beg for death...make him happy to have his heart ripped from his chest and burst in my hands. He will wish he was never born..._

The lyrium activated on his body made him glow a faint blue that illuminated the tree with an unnatural light. Fenris plucked blades of grass with his glowing hand, watching them burst into a blue flame, and fizzle under his fingers as the grass turned to black dust. Repeating this motion, Fenris grit his teeth, imagining the blades of grass to be Danarius' body in his grasp.

The past..._his_ past... was now scorched onto Hawke.

* * *

"Are you sure he's still here?"

"If I know that elf, he's still here...somewhere..."

In one swift movement, Fenris stood facing a group of people he recognized. There they were,Varric, Bethany, and Leandra, all waiting, all watching.

Bethany was the first to speak, "We can't wake her, Fenris. We've tried everything...We can't...she won't..." Her voice faded.

"I thought you would want nothing to do with me after tonight..." came his clipped reply.

"You _saved_ her, Fenris. We owe you her life. Please do us this favor, and help Hawke once more. After all, you know about this sort of thing. If anyone can help, it's you now."

Fenris bowed, and in the blink of an eye, was inside Hawke's house.

There Hawke lay, her eyes shut, and her body glowing a silver-blue where the lyrium had been etched on her body. The tangy scent drifted up to Fenris' senses as he approached her- - -the smell of Danarius' magic was all too familiar to him. Mixed with the bitter tanginess of the magic was the odd scent of roses that filled the room. Fenris knew magic mixed with its subjects in different ways, and whenever a spell was performed, its effects were always felt in the form of scents such as flowers or mint, in his case.

"No..." breathed Fenris, pain welling up in his chest, making it harder to breathe as he stared at her intently for the first time. Reaching out as if to touch her face, the elf jerked his hand back suddenly, aware of the group's presence.

"Can't you do something?" He heard Bethany whisper.

Fenris muttered something in Tevene, but did not meet her gaze.

_What can I do...being the slave that I was? Weak... that's all I am and will ever be...weak..._

Fenris stared at Hawke, her chest moving up and down in shallow breaths. Her face, once full of life and happiness, looked marred and pained.

_There has to be something..._

The door flung open again, and this time Isabela and Anders poured into Hawke's room.

"I'll need everyone out. I can bring her back to this world, but you must leave us be," Anders barked as he ushered Hawke's mother and sister out of the room. Fenris remained rooted to the spot. Anders faced him with a frown.

"That means you too, Elf."

Fenris glared at Anders, eyes faintly glowing as he reluctantly stood up and exited the room silently.  
The door was left slightly ajar, and Fenris watched the mage as he stretched out his hands over Hawke. Muttering something Fenris couldn't discern, Anders' hands began to glow, pulsing a warm light falling over Hawke. Fenris sneered as he glowered at the mage.

A loud_ pop_ resounded in the small house, making Bethany and her mother jump nervously. Fenris rushed back into Hawk's room, ignoring Anders' angry scolding. Hawke began to squirm as she murmured like a person having a bad dream. Anders kept speaking over her as Fenris knelt beside Hawke's bed.

It unsettled him, this pain in his heart. If Hawke did not survive the ritual, if she no longer shared her smiles with him, it was almost as if Fenris could feel his heart breaking in two. He would not let magic take her away from him, too. Fenris focused on Anders' voice as it filled the room.

"Come back to us... follow my voice, Elanna... you must wake up..."

Anders' voice abruptly deepened, Justice speaking on his behalf, "She is deep within the Fade...restrained using blood magic..."

Anders moved his hands right to left, as if wading through murky and dangerous waters. He began mumbling to himself in a deep and low voice, still searching for an unseen destination.

The small home was cramped with people in the tiny kitchen as word of Hawke's ordeal spread throughout her contacts. Leandra was slightly comforted by the sight of so many of her daughter's friends. The sound of silence drew everyone's attention back to Hawke and the healer mage. Anders had stopped talking.

Hawke's lyrium markings glowed until it seemed her whole body shimmered in an eerie shade of silver.

"AWAKE!"

Hawke's eyes shot open, seemingly against her will. Staring with unfocused eyes at the ceiling, a gasp went about the room.

"Mother..." Bethany breathed, a hand over her mouth.

"Maker help us..." her mother replied, making the sign against evil on her chest.

Anders looked away.

Elanna's eyes were now the color of silver lyrium.

* * *

Hawke wandered in the darkness. She knew not how to get out, or even where she was. All she knew was that she wanted to go back home. But walking only brought her further and further into the darkness. Then, Hawke heard voices, several whispering voices, all of which seemed to be familiar.

"Hello? Anyone? Anyone at all?!" Hawke yelled, starting to run aimlessly.

She couldn't tell where the voices were coming from, and they seem to be fading with every step she took. Just when she was about to give up hope, Hawke spotted a small, shining, light orb bobbing in the distance. Following it, the orb grew larger and larger, and a voice spoke to her in the gloom.

"It's all my fault...Hawke... I should have stayed with you...If you never would have met me, this would not have happened..._I refuse to let you die, Elanna_!"

Sprinting now toward the light and toward the concerned voice, Hawke felt a strange sensation, as if her spirit were gravitating towards her physical self. She opened her eyes. Pain shot through her entire body as if it had been lit on fire. She heard people gasp, but she could not even blink. Taking a shallow breath was too much for Hawke. She began to scream, the pain excruciating and unbearable.

"Oh, the pain hurts so badly! Make it stop! Please, Maker make it stop! Just kill me now!"

Relapsing into labored breathing, Hawke began to shake terribly. Everyone ogled at her, frightened.

Elanna's mother knelt down next to Fenris at the side of her daughter's bed, and said something that Hawke could not understand. Her eyes tried to focus on the woman speaking to her. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate despite her shaking, Hawke could not understand the woman. Confused, Hawke stared back at Leandra until she repeated the statement. Beginning to panic, Hawke looked from her mother to Fenris.

"What?" Elanna said in a trembling voice, "What are you trying to say?"

Her mother's eyes widened in fear as she continued a slur of words unknown to Hawke, frantically pointing at her. Everyone began to speak in a dull roar that was incomprehensible to Hawke. Overwhelmed, she felt the lyrium flaring from underneath her skin, causing her to cry out in extreme pain once again. The more she felt her emotions spiraling out of control, the brighter the lyrium burned her skin.

_I...I can't believe it... It's impossible..._

Leaning closer to Hawke as the rest of the company began bickering amongst themselves of the best way to "cure" Hawke, Fenris gazed at her.

"Listen to me. You must calm down and breath slowly..." He whispered softly. "Can you understand me?"

The room fell silent as all eyes fell on the elf and girl. She nodded slowly, trying to steady her heavy breathing.

"You will be alright. You have my word."

No one dared to move now.

"I can't understand...anyone..." Elanna finally breathed hoarsely.

Fenris' eyes filled with pain and sadness. "You're speaking Tevene. _They_ can't understand _you_..."

"Remarkable..." Anders commented.

Fenris shut his eyes and sighed.

"What's wrong with her, Fenris? You know what language she's speaking?" came Bethany's soft voice.

Fenris stood slowly and faced the group.

"It's my master's language...Danarius bewitched her mind to understand the language of the Tevinter Imperium."

Looking around frantically, Hawke wanted to cry and scream at the same time. The pain that seared through her body would not lessen. All of these people spoke in a language she could not understand, and she did not know where she was or where she needed to be. It was all too much for her.

Fenris noticed Hawke's eyes begin to flutter. Careful so as not to touch her skin, Fenris placed a hand gently on her hair.

"Stay with us. You must stay awake- - -"

But Elanna drifted out of consciousness once more.


	9. Chapter 9: Lost

"We've got to get her some help," Leandra said, her voice hushed.

Fenris shut the door to Elanna's room as the company filed into the cramped kitchen.

"She should come to my clinic. I can look after her there, and perform healing magic on her," Anders said, leaning up against a small table.

His mage's staff falling beside his shoulder made Fenris clench his fists.

_Just the kind of person she needs to be around...another mage..._ Fenris's face darkened in disgust as he watched Anders.

Hawke's mother looked towards the door to her daughter's room, worry lining her face and making her appear much older than her years.

"Well...I..." she stammered, unsure of the decision.

Fenris cleared his throat much louder than he had intended.

"I think the elf has something to say," Varric added, nudging his friend encouragingly.

The group turned to look at Fenris.

"If you wish to keep your daughter's... "condition" hidden for the time being, I think the last place she would need to go is where there is an underground clinic run by an apostate mage."

"Hey - !" Anders began, but was cut off by Fenris.

"They have been monitoring his movements for quite some time, and if they should happen to raid the place, there would be nothing anyone could say to convince the Circle that she is not some possessed mage. She would not be safe."

"Well then..." began Leandra, "what would you suggest we do, Fenris?"

Fenris looked down.

_Me? These people actually want to know my opinion? What use would a slave like..."_

He quieted his thoughts, determination filling his voice as he spoke clearly and concisely, "She can stay with me."

"Look," Anders argued, stepping towards the elf, "what can you possibly do that I couldn't? She needs magic to heal, not some wild dog licking her wounds- - -"

"No, you listen to _me_," Fenris lowered his voice, his entire body and eyes flashing for a brief moment, "You have absolutely no idea how much pain she is in...how much pain she _will_ be in...all in account of _magic._ You can save the hero act for another day, Mage."

Anders distanced himself from Fenris, but continued to glare at him silently.

"We must move her tonight."

* * *

Everyone watched as Anders waved his staff over Elanna, chanting softly under his breath. Fenris saw the look of pain fade from the girl's face, a sort of thin peace replacing it as her breathing slowed. The lyrium glow also began to lessen.

"Wha- - -" began Bethany, reaching out to her sister.

Fenris grabbed her hand, shaking his head. The lyrium in his own scars burned him where their skin touched, but he tried not to wince.

He addressed her unusually softly, "Touching her now would only cause her terrible pain."

Dropping her hand, Bethany nodded as tears welled up in her big brown eyes.

"Oh my dear child. First Carver, and now this..." Hawke's mother said, turning her back to the rest of the company so they would not see her cry.

"Fenris, the sleeping spell I have on her only lasts for about two hours. If we are to move her, we need to do it now before she wakes up."

Anders opened his hands, and raised them slightly. Elanna began to hover, her clean night gown hanging loosely at her sides.

"This way," Anders began, taking out his staff for added support.

Bethany turned to bury her face in her mother's hugging arms as they watched the elf and the mage depart for Hightown.

* * *

"You can't possibly be _serious_, Fenris," Anders snapped when they got to the door of a Hightown mansion.

Fenris turned the key to unlock the massive entrance into his home.

"It is not the abomination's concern where I live..."

"I have a name, you know."

Facing the mage, Fenris motioned for him to bring Hawke inside, his face expressionless.

"Bring her upstairs. There is a furnished room in the far back of the mansion that is relatively intact.._.Anders_."

Muttering obscenities under his breath, the mage carefully guided the floating Hawke to her room. Fenris, watching them ascend up the stairs, began to light the torches and candles around the mansion. Soon, the entire place glowed with soft light that cascaded throughout the room and vanquished the shadows that Fenris had become so accustomed to.

"She's safely upstairs..."

Fenris turned to see Anders jogging down the staircase.

"I'll come and check in on her tomorrow. I hope you know what you're doing, Fenris..."

"More than you would, I assure you," Fenris growled his response, not bothering to look up from the fire he was starting in the hearth.

Anders opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. Stomping back towards the entrance, he opened the door to let himself out.

"Remember...two hours, and then the spell breaks...oh, and Fenris..."

Fenris glanced up at the tone in Anders voice.

"She will have dreams...very livid dreams that won't relent until the spell is broken..."

Fenris' ears twitched as he heard the door shut, and he was left alone. Looking up towards the second floor where Hawke lay sleeping, Fenris sighed as he rubbed his forehead.

"I'm so sorry, Hawke..."

The mansion fell silent. Fenris was alone with Hawke as she fought for her life as the lyrium sank deeper and deeper into her being. The silence was deafening- - - and that was when the rage came.

* * *

Pacing like a wolf caught in a cage, Fenris was beginning to wear down the floor along his path as he walked back and forth.

_Danarius and his magic…You deserve to die…slowly, and painfully._

Fenris' vision unfocussed, the large gathering room warping in his anger.

_Filthy magic..._

He didn't recognize the sound of his own fist hitting one of the many marble columns.

_Rots everything..._

The marble started to crack.

_I'll gash out his kneecaps first...maybe his eyes..._

_The crack spread upward to the ceiling of the mansion_

_I'll kick you when you're down...torture you until your body reaches the hell where you belong..._

Fenris tried to steady his breathing, his mind still racing. Cursing loudly, he haphazardly wrapped his bleeding hand with a cloth torn from one of the window curtains. It would do no good for him to injure himself now.

* * *

Squeezing out excess water from a large bathing towel, Fenris placed it next to several similar ones on an old serving tray he had found lying around the mansion.

_She'll develop a high-grade fever as her body attempts to reject the lyrium, no doubt..._

Dipping another cloth into a basin of cold water, Fenris felt his hands shaking.

"Argh! Danarius you demon!"

Knocking the bowl over, Fenris placed his hands on the mantle and leaned forward, staring unseeingly at the fire. Just the thought of Danarius was enough to make Fenris want to throw something against the wall or overturn a table. But, hearing something stirring upstairs snapped Fenris out of his rampaging.

"Hawke..." he whispered and raced upstairs.

Bending down beside the soft bed, Fenris could only watch as Hawke began to dream. Pain contorted Hawke's kind face as she began to twist and turn with heavy breathing.

_If I could only touch her…to console her...festa vass! She shouldn't have to relive what I've also had to endure..._

Breathing shallow and quickly now, Fenris could hear Hawke pleading in her sleep in a language he knew all too well.

"N-no Danarius! Please stop, please..." Voice trembling, the lyrium began to glow again on Hawke's skin.

Fenris, wide-eyed, felt himself watching a replay of what had happened to Hawke.

"Hawke! Hawke! It's only a dream, it isn't real..."

Fenris stopped, remembering Anders' words. Feeling helpless and angry once more, he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.

Sweat ran down Hawke's neck as fear and agony twisted her face unrecognizably as she tossed and turned.

"Please don't do this...get your hands off me...what are you going to do to me? Get off of-" Hawke sobbed and her eyes fluttered as her back arched.

_By the Maker... he didn't...he couldn't have..._

Covering his face with his hands, Fenris couldn't believe what he was hearing. Hawke wasn't reliving Danarius placing the lyrium in her flesh.

She was reliving Danarius having his way her.

Thrashing back and forth violently as if trying to escape a haunting ghost, Hawke tried to fight off her attacker.

_How should I help her?_

He knew exactly the reaction he'd give if someone tried to console him in any physical way.

Silent tears began rolling down Hawke's face.

Not able to stand it any longer, Fenris picked up one of the cold cloths he had soaked, and gently wiped her face.

Whimpering, Hawke continued to breathe as if it were hard to get enough air into her lungs. Fenris gazed at her.

"Fenris...Fenris help me...by the Maker, please help me, Fenris..."

A surge of pain jolted through his chest as his heart skipped a beat.

_She called out for me? So, I wasn't going mad...I felt her inside my very mind - - - _

Hawke's yelp of pain brought Fenris back to the present as he tried to console her.

"You must wake up, Hawke. You must..."

Happiness flashed in his eyes as Fenris realized Elanna was awakening. It was quickly replaced by the empathy he felt as watched her writhe in pain from the markings on her skin.

"Whe-Where am I?" she said, her eyes wide, and her face blanched. "Where is he? He was just here, and, and..."

"You must quiet yourself Hawke," Fenris said, still answering her in Tevene, "I've brought you here, to my mansion. Since I am the only one able to understand you, I told your mother that I would take you under my care for the time being."

Eyes wide with fear, Hawke felt her cheeks burning. "Stop calling me that. My name is Paccipita. And, I...need to find him."

"Who?"

"My master."

Fenris stared long and hard at Hawke, anger forcing him to clench his fists as he let out a curse.

Leaning in towards Hawke's face, that lovely face with those haunting silver eyes filled with disquiet, Fenris spoke very slowly, "Do you know who I am?"

Hawke opened her mouth, as if the elf's name was on the tip of her tongue. But no words came out.

Fenris gripped the wooden bed frame, his knuckles turning white as he tried to exhale slowly.

"What is my name?" He repeated.

Their eyes locked. Hawke squinted, concentrating on a shadow of a memory. She saw the elf in front of her, with markings on his skin akin to hers. His eyes seemed to be pleading in earnest.

"You..." Hawke began, her words spilling from her mouth as her own thoughts were forming. Slowly, she continued, "You...called out to me in the darkness?"

He looked puzzled at the vague statement.

"I was lost, and you called to me...you said it was all your fault...that you wouldn't allow me to die...?"

Hawke heard the elf catch his breath in surprise, but he did not look away.

Hawke recalled everything in her memory, but when she tried to piece together the elf's name, it was as if that part of her memory was blotted out by a quill with too much ink. She looked into his deep eyes, her gaze traveling from the silver-white sheen of his hair to his warrior's armor. She noticed the sword at his back. A flash of memory surged through her against her will. Hawke closed her eyes and let her breath out slowly.

"I feel... like I should know you...but...I can't..."

The elf sighed loudly as he looked at the woman before him. She opened her eyes and stared at him, truly studying his eyes as if searching for an answer. For a moment, it seemed all of the pain and uncertainty faded away. Neither one of them spoke or even breathed- - -they just looked into the face of the other. Blinking, Fenris broke her gaze, and got to his feet when the silence stretched on.

"Do not worry if my name is no longer in your mind. It is of no importance. Just rest and know that you are with..." Fenris hesitated momentarily.

Hawke hung on his every word.

"...a friend."


	10. Chapter 10: Aftermath

**Welcome to chapter 10! I cannot express how happy it makes me to see reviews, favorites, and likes. It really makes my day! Hope you continue to enjoy it!**

* * *

Striding over to the main hearth in the room, Fenris lit kindle and tended to the small flame emerging. Hawke touched the spot on the bed where Fenris had leaned over just a moment before, his scent a mixture of soap, pine, and mint. She inhaled deeply, a memory from her recent past nudging at the back of her mind.

_Why can't I remember him...Just who is he anyway? He has those markings, though, so maybe we have the same master?_

Bending over the small fireplace in the center of the room, Fenris piled on more wood.

As he continued to grow the small flame, Hawke heard him mumble, "It's a relief to be able to speak Tevene again so freely."

"What?"

"Oh, forgive me. I was thinking aloud. It's just..."

Fenris looked down at the fire. Hawke watched the elf, his back turned away from her.

"What other language do you know?" she asked politely.

Fenris looked back at her, his deep, dark eyes filled with sadness as the firelight danced around his tanned skin.

"I will do everything in my power to make sure Danarius will suffer for what he has done to you."

"Why?"

Fenris' mouth dropped.

"W-why? Because what that monster did to you...what he did to the _both_ of us...I plan on doing more to him than just asking for an apology..."

Hate dripped from his words, and Hawke instinctively recoiled at the snarl of anger appearing on Fenris' face as the firelight produced menacing shadows around him. Or maybe she was beginning to see things that weren't there. The room's warm light began to obscure her vision the harder she tried to focus.

Fenris kept his back to Hawke for as long as possible; he refused to look her in the eyes. It was too much for him to handle. Whatever Danarius did to Hawke to give her the lyrium marks, it was undoubtedly different than the ritual performed on him all those years ago (not that he could remember his ritual either). It was as if there was so much lyrium inside her, it spilled over and pooled into her eyes. Those bright, expressive, green eyes that sparkled when telling a joke, softened when seeing a friend, and blazed when angered- - -he'd never see them again.

The markings were more extensive and elaborate as well with a thin, lace-like design covering most of her body and the inside of her palms. Whereas Fenris' markings only reached up to his lower lip up from his neck, Hawke's markings were etched into a design that outlined her face from her hairline and swirled down to close off the circle at the bottom of her chin.

His heart hurt, and he felt like doubling over to hold his chest. It was his fault Hawke lay there, scared and broken. It was his fault she now shared his fate. Everything was happening because he allowed himself too close. He allowed himself to open up to people, to have _friends_. He didn't deserve to have friends. He didn't deserve to have anyone in his life if it only led back to Danarius' power over him, and his desire to hurt him. Maybe it would be better just to rid the world of the burden of someone like him.

"You know," a soft voice said, breaking the silence, "I can't read minds, but if you're having a conversation up there, Mr. Elf, then I'd love to have my share of the conversation, too."

Fenris wanted to drown himself in guilt.

He saw Hawke trying to smile, but then shutting her eyes when the twist of pain from the lyrium around her face burned her.

_She sounds like Merrill... innocent and naive... will she ever return to the Hawke I know...?_

Fenris' thoughts faded as he finally took a chance to look in her direction. There Elanna was, staring at him again, trying to figure him out. She shivered, although the fire blazed along the wall closest to her. In a quick movement almost too fast to see, Fenris gathered up the blankets he had piled up in the corner of the room.

"Here." He draped several blankets around Hawke with such gentleness as if she were made of glass.

As he leaned in to cover her, he made sure not to touch the patterns on her flesh. Still, Fenris saw a flash in Hawke's eyes. He knew that look, the look of a half pieced together memory that fogs into nothingness as soon as it forms. He was altogether used to the occurrence, and normally, it did not bother him as much as it used to in the past. He held his breath, waiting for her to speak to see if his premonition was right.

"I don't feel so well..." she said, barely audible. She felt a hand floating near her face, but not touching it.

"I could be mistaken, but I believe you are running a fever. Here, this will sting at first when it touches the lyrium on your face but..."

Hawke squeezed her eyes shut and clutched the blanket around her as she tried not to cry out. She could feel the place where a cold cloth had been placed on her forehead with a mixture of relief from the heat of the fever and the acute pain she felt as the markings on her skin were activated slightly.

"The lyrium in your skin, it glows with the pain of a thousand suns...you will become used to it."

Hawke opened her eyes slowly, looking into the eyes of the elf who kneeled beside her.

"Who _are_ you?"

She squinted to see what looked like agony washing over the elf's face. Hawke heard the elf sigh and watched his shoulders sag. He evaded her question.

"Someone sworn to protect you..."

Hawke closed her eyes. "Swearing's not good for your health, you know..."

She drifted off into a thin sleep, her fever spiking as the Chantry bells rang three times.

Fenris entered the main hall of the mansion's first floor, and with an ease that showed off his apparent strength, he hoisted his favorite red leather chair and set it down next to the bed where Hawke lay sleeping. He stood near her body, peering down at her, watching the lyrium marks rise and fall with each breath she took. He sank down in the chair silently, covering his face with his armored hands.

* * *

Fenris snapped awake at the sound of bells. How long had he slept?

_One...Two...Three... Four... Five... Shit, I can't believe I allowed myself to sleep this long..._

He shot a glance at Hawke. She was still asleep, but her face was again bent as nightmares plagued her dreams. Getting up, he switched out the towel that was on her forehead for a new one. The coolness seemed to ease the harsh lines of pain that had formed on Hawke's face while she slept.  
The roaring fire in the room was now a bed of warm embers, beckoning the cool morning air to seep through the cracks in the mansion's windows.

Fenris walked over to close the cloth curtains to darken the room, but when he reached the window, he saw a woman in a blue mage's cloak looking up at him from the small courtyard of the mansion. He recognized the cloak as the same one Hawke wore on their second meeting when she had brought him breakfast. Bethany was at his doorstep.

The younger Hawke could see the tiredness in Fenris as soon as he opened the door, from the deep dark circles under his eyes to his disheveled hair falling in front of his face. The mage and elf stood in a tense silence that encompassed the air around them, neither willing to speak.

Fenris opened the door wider, letting Bethany push past him silently as she walked into the great room.

Turning to face him suddenly, her voice choked as she said, "Where?"

Fenris looked towards the second story room with the door ajar, and Bethany headed up the stairs in that direction. He was quick to follow her, hovering just outside the room's entrance. He watched Hawke's sibling as she inched closer to her sister. She stopped at a fair distance away, and stood in the middle of the room. Before Fenris could open his mouth to say anything, Bethany turned on her heels and darted past him and out of the room, covering her mouth.

He heard her vomiting out of one of the nearby windows.

Fenris waited some time until Bethany's sickness subsided to exit the room and join her near the stairs. There she sat, gripping her ankles with her head between her knees to keep from vomiting again. When she finally looked up, Fenris tossed her one of the towels he soaked the night before to help break Hawke's fever. Catching it with one hand, Bethany wiped off her flushed face. She hiccuped, her face remaining red.

"I hope you relieved yourself out from the windows overlooking the main street," Fenris said as he crossed his arms over his chest, "That would be an interesting early morning surprise for Kirkwall's finest."

He saw a slight smile grace her face before sadness enveloped it once again.

She looked back up at Fenris with a mixture of anger, hurt, and worry. He waited for the question he knew she wanted to ask.

"Will she be okay...?"

Fenris suddenly felt very tired. Too tired for biting remarks, or cold comments about having a mage in his home. He felt himself slide down slowly as he leaned up against the wall.

"If by 'okay' you mean, 'the way she once was', that I cannot say. Lyrium burns much deeper than flesh...it stains your very soul."

"Poor Lanni...poor Mother..." came her whispered reply.

Fenris tugged at the tip of his pointed ears, remaining stoic as he sat on the cool floor. He noticed Bethany's small, purple belt purse hanging from her side.

"Where's the nearest food market?"

Bethany was confused at the sudden change of topic.

"Just on the other side of the street, why?"

"May I please utilize your bag for a few moments? I promise I shall return shortly. There are...things I wish to buy."

Bethany gave him a cross look.

"What could you possibly _need_ at a time like this?"

"It is not for myself, I assure you, but for your sister."

Bethany wasn't sure she believed him, but handed him the bag.

"That's my favorite belt-purse you know. You better make it quick."

The elf bowed, glowed for a second, and then disappeared before Bethany had time to blink.

* * *

No less than five minutes transpired before Fenris returned to the mansion, Bethany's belt purse stuffed to the brim with an assortment of grains, honeys, and other foodstuffs.

Checking on Hawke's fever one last time before closing the door off to her room, he motioned for Bethany to follow him to the east side of the mansion where the kitchen quarters was located.

He dumped the contents of her purse onto one of the preparation tables in the large cooking area. Bethany took back her bag and buckled it back across her hips, disappearing underneath her robe.

Her eyes lit up instantly, "How did you find _these_? They are impossible to find in Kirkwall!"

Fenris smiled. Bribes have their uses after all.

"Hawke spoke of your skill in cooking Ferelden specialties. I am not..._slaves_ were not permitted to go near the food. But, I wonder if possibly..."

Bethany felt her anger towards the elf melt and be replaced with pity as he looked looked painfully eager all of the sudden.

"Fill a pot with water, and I'll show you something my sister loves to eat when she's feeling sick."

Fenris brought the piping hot bowl of porridge up to Hawke's room himself. Entering, he saw her opening her eyes and try to sit up. Bethany rushed over to help her sister, remembering what the elf had said about the pain one feels when their lyrium marks are touched. Elanna's eyes widened.

"Who are you?" she said nervously, trying to cover herself with the many blankets around the bed.

Bethany inhaled, trying to remain calm. After last night, at least she wasn't screaming bloody murder.

"Um...Fenris?"

He lowered the bowl as he dropped his arms slightly.

"She still can't understand you, Bethany, nor does she know who you are..."

He heard her gasp.

"You mean, she doesn't even know who _she_ is?" Her eyes never left her sister's face, although she found her shocking silver eyes discomforting.

"No." Fenris sounded cold, angry, and sad all at once.

Silence again filled the room. Hawke looked from the young woman in front of her to the elf behind her. Bethany turned her head over her shoulder, glancing back at Fenris.

"And you?"

Fenris stared at the wall, his eyes guarded.

"No, she doesn't know who I am, either. I can interpret for you, if you wish."

"Mmm, what smells so good?" Hawke looked curiously at Fenris.

In mere moments, the hardened warrior elf Bethany had often heard Varric describe as "sullen", "cold", and "brooding", walked over to her sister with a timid kindness in his eyes she had not seen before- - -not since her father died years ago. She observed the elf more closely as he knelt down in front of her sister's bed, murmuring what seemed to be a morning greeting.

_He seems nervous_, Bethany thought to herself as Fenris carefully placed the bowl of grain breakfast porridge in front of Hawke.

Bethany spent much of her patience teaching the elf how to cook what she considered a simple meal; he wasn't kidding when he said he had no idea what went on in preparing or cooking. But, he also refused to let Bethany take over, and got irritated if she tried to take over his job and finish cooking herself.

_For all they say, he's just a big grumpy puppy in the end..._

She doubted anyone else would see the tall elf that way, as he was constantly insulting anyone and everyone who even tried to strike up a conversation with him. Anyone besides her sister...maybe.

Turning her attention back to the two other people in the room, Bethany saw Fenris push a spoon toward Hawke, gesturing for her to eat. Hawke shrank away from touching anything at first, afraid of the biting sting physical contact caused, Bethany suspected. Fenris waited patiently by her side, blowing on the food to cool it down.

She never thought this side of the elf existed, not in a thousand years, not after all the rumors she heard.

* * *

"It will hurt, but just try to eat a few mouthfuls..."

_Something about him...makes me trust him...even though I have no recollection of him..._

Although a scalding, hot sensation ran along the lyrium's path on her skin, Hawke took a bite of the porridge with honey and nuts sprinkled on top. Her face beamed with relaxed pleasure as she savored the warm food.

"This is so yummy! What is it?" Hawke took another bite, her happiness resembling like a child who had never tasted something so good in her life.

Bethany could see Fenris was smiling more than a little proudly at something her sister said.

_She must have liked the food_, she thought to herself.

"What's she saying?" Bethany finally said aloud.

"She wants to know what we made her..."

"But...it's her favorite Ferelden breakfast...she must remember _that_. Father used to make it for us all the time..."

"I told you, she doesn't even remember her _name_, let alone the foods she used to eat as a child."

Hawke interrupted them again. "Wow, these nuts are amazing! I could eat them everyday! What are they, Mr. Elf?"

Fenris felt as if he had been punched in the stomach by an angry troll. It seemed that what he just told Bethany was reaffirmed concretely.

"Those are Ferelden Carya nuts...rare in these parts, I'm afraid. I am glad you are enjoying them."

Bethany stepped out of the room, devastated. There were no magic words to turn back time, no special potion to reverse her sister's condition, no amount of mana to fix her.

First her father, then her brother, and now her sister...maybe magic really does ruin everyone's lives.

She excused herself from the mansion, it was her duty to give their mother an update before she worried herself sick, too.


	11. Chapter 11: On Even Ground

**Welcome to chapter 11! Originally, this chapter was going to be combined with chapter 10, but I felt it too long so I split them up. I got the idea to add this chapter thanks to the comments and reviews of those who read the story, so thank you all! Enjoy!**

* * *

**-Anders-**

"Just take me to her, Fenris."

Anders followed the elf up the tattered stairs, thinking back to the previous night's events. Hawke hadn't given him a second glance, not since the night he'd asked for her help with his mage friend, Karl. And yet, he felt his mind wander in the lonely nights he spent in the clinic. Every inch of him knew it was unwise, even unsafe, to allow himself to feel such things for another person. But, in the end, Anders was only a man, and Hawke was amazingly beautiful and skilled. He had never met someone like her before, and every chance he got, he had accompanied her on any odd job where his services as a healer were needed. Hawke treated him with cautious respect, but who could blame her for distancing herself from Justice, the spirit that had merged with his own soul?

He knew Hawke liked Fenris - _everyone_ knew it - but Anders didn't care. If he could only get her alone, he'd show Hawke the warmth and comfort she deserved. He'd show her why he was clearly a better choice rather than that maniac, Fenris. He'd show her the world for the near-impossible chance she'd return his affections. Justice did not approve of his obsession with the beautiful rogue woman.

Anders snapped back into the present as he silently entered the room where Hawke lay, resting. No- - -resting was not the correct word. She was _suffering_ while she lay on her back with her eyes shut tightly. In a split moment, Anders reached out and touched her cheek. Lyrium markings lit bright silver, and her eyes, those haunting silver eyes of hers, shot open.

"You ignorant demon-spawn, don't touch her!"

Fenris yanked the mage's hand back away from Hawke's face, nearly dislocating his shoulder from the socket.

"Shit, Elf, that _hurts_!"

Anders howled, massaging his now pained arm. He continued to stare at Hawke, his eyes tracing the lyrium on her skin.

"By the Maker...who did this to her?"

Hawke, now fully awake and wide-eyed, looked nervously from Fenris to the man cloaked with a mage's staff and his hair pulled back into a horse's tail at the nape of his neck. She winced as she tried to pull the blanket tighter around herself.  
She blurted out questions in Arcanum, but when Fenris opened his mouth to answer her, Anders interrupted.

"Oh right," he commented, lifting a vial of nauseatingly green colored liquid from his cloak pocket. "Concocted this myself last night. Let's give it a try, shall we?"

_She's not an experiment to toy with, Abomination..._

Drinking the green liquid from the vial, Anders gagged.

"Ugh, I don't mind doing it, but it tastes _terrible_."

"Is there a potion under that cloak of yours that'll make you stop whining, too?"

"Ya' know, you are remarkably adept at expressing yourself despite being a slave all those years."

Anders saw that he clearly struck a nerve, and a flash of remorse crossed his mind.

_Don't lie to yourself, my friend. He doesn't understand you, Anders, and he never will. What would an elf slave know of the struggles we've faced? It's no use trying to talk to this Maker-forsakened mutt..._

Steely eyes glared down at him.

"Just so you know, Elanna doesn't remember anything about her former life...she thinks her name is Paccipita. She answers by that name..."

Anders cleared his throat, silencing Justice's voice in his head.

"Paccipita, Paccipita? Can you hear me?"

The potion worked, she could understand him. Too bad it only lasted a few hours, at best.

The woman looked up at Anders. She studied him with those silver eyes of hers for what seemed like an eternity for Anders. Even Justice felt bewitched.

"Are you my master?"

Anders raised his brow in interest.

"Do you want me to be?"

"_No_," Fenris stood between them, his voice low and threatening. "This...this _thing_ is a physician...if you could even call him that..."

Leaning in out of Hawke's earshot, Fenris hissed at Anders in the common tongue of Kirkwall, "You try anything..._anything_ at all, and I'll have you _begging_ them to turn you Tranquil."

"Afraid of a little competition now that we're on an even playing field?"

Fenris' own marks flared in warning, singeing the feathers on Anders' coat. Fenris could care less about ruining the the clothes- - -they were almost as much of an abomination as Anders was.

Resisting the urge to freeze the elf in a block of ice, Anders turned to Hawke once more.

"I am Anders, and I can help you. Won't you tell me what pains you?"

The blanket covering Hawke's hands fell to reveal the lyrium patterns wrapping around them, starting from the tips of her fingers and snaking all the way around both arms and down her body. If it weren't for them causing her excruciating pain, Anders would have commented on their beauty. Hawke resembled one of the many ancient, divine beings of old.

"Everywhere hurts."

"Okay," Anders said as he rubbed his hands together, "I'll need you to lie back down and remove the blankets so I can get a better look at you."

Hawke shot a panicked glance at Fenris who slowly nodded, his jaw clenched so tight it made his teeth hurt.  
He watched as Anders lay his hands over Hawke, lingering just above her body so as not to touch her. The familiar blue-green light that was known as his healing powers emanated from the mage's hands. Fenris cursed under his breath.

Eyes focused and unwavering on his patient, Anders concentrated the core of his power into a tight ball. Using the ball as a sort of magical looking glass, he peered into the magic that coursed through Hawke's veins. Catching her wide eyes staring up at him, petrified, his expression turned.

"So, what do you like to do for fun, Paccipita?"

"I...don't know," came her soft reply.

It surprised Anders how fragile and delicate she seemed now, when before, the Hawke everyone knew was strong-willed, self assured, and witty.  
Moving the ball of light until it spread out over her arms, Anders tried distracting Hawke again, this time, his voice gentle.

"What about animals? You like animals?"

Hawke let out a sound as if to say she didn't know that, either.

"You know I used to have a cat while I was in the Deep Roads? Name was Ser Pounce-a-lot."

Fenris balled his fist tightly. He was _smiling_ at her, that twisted smile of his that Hawke's companions called, "charming", "sweet", and according to one particular pirate, "was enough to make any girl be swept off their feet for a night of passionate ecstasy".

He saw her smile back, the fear in her eyes dimming.

"Ser Pounce-a-lot? Really?" She giggled. "What a funny little name..."

_I'm going to punch his face in... that abomination has no business talking to her as if they have something between them..._

Anders' eyes never left Hawke's, but his hands continued to scan her markings with his magical light.

"Mmhmm," Anders answered with a chuckle of his own. "Brave little bugger, that cat. Once he saved me from a huge monster...nearly ripped him in two. He swatted him on the nose, though...drew blood, too."

"Wow, what an awesome cat! What happened to him?"

Anders' eyes filled with regret.

"I had to give him to a friend. They said it made me 'too soft'..."

"Well, I don't think loving something makes someone weak. It takes courage to love and let yourself be loved in return, don't you think?"

Anders' hands paused in mid-air as he looked down at the woman lying in the bed. An image of a potential future crossed his mind.

"Yes, yes I think so too..."

_Wretched conniving, deceitful mages... all of them. Taking advantage of the weak at every turn..._

Fenris' eyes glowed as he stared at the mage in his mansion.

"Aww, tell him cats aren't that bad...at least they aren't as smelly as a dog." Hawke commented, still looking up at Anders.

"Oh don't mind Justice," Anders said with a wave of his hand, "he just doesn't... "

He balked at her.

"You can _hear_ him?"

"The way he's talking, can't everyone? He has quite the sharp tongue."

Fenris saw the mage's cool facade visibly crack. He saw Anders try to suppress the alarm creeping into his face, but failed.

The mage cleared his throat uncomfortably, still looking at Hawke. He instead, however, addressed Fenris, "Can _you_ hear him, too?"

The birds around the mansion were coming alive at this point in the morning, chirping their happy greetings to the morning.

"_Fenris_, answer me..."

"I can not."

Anders thought for a moment, fear seeping into his conscious mind.

_She is too close, my friend, much too close to the Fade. The same thing that ripped my spirit and trapped it in this world...the same is being done to the rogue-woman only in reverse._

"What must I do?" Anders said quietly, closing his eyes as his neck tensed.

Fenris was torn in a myriad of emotions. He glanced at Hawke, eyes unaware and untainted looking. He dare not admit he was afraid, for that meant something was truly awry. No, he would not run away from her now, not when it was his fault she was the way she was. All his life, Fenris had run, never staying in one place too long, never really caring enough in the first place whether he stayed here nor there. His first instincts were always to run.

_I can guide you, Friend, through the enchantment needed to ensure her spirit remains locked within her body, _Justice informed Anders.

Hawke was sitting back up now, clearly uncertain about what was going on.

"A-Anders?" Her voice was small and quivered slightly.

"Go to my clinic, and bring me my supplies in the large black medical bag you will find in my living quarters," Anders said, again addressing Fenris.

The authority in Anders' voice made something click inside the elf.

"Right away, Nobility."

Fenris gave a Tevinter salute, and flew out of his own mansion. As soon as he stepped outside, however, he realized what had happened. The mage in the mansion was not Danarius, and yet still, there he was, groveling like an eager to please wolf-pup.

_Fasta Vass! What in Maker's bloody name was I thinking? When I get back, I'll give that mage a piece of my mind...or two. Talking to me like he owned me...he is no better than the magisters..._

Still he made his way as fast as he could to Anders' clinic, for he wasn't doing it because he was ordered to do so, but because of Hawke.

* * *

Anders laid back against the bedpost, catching his breath as he wiped away a stray piece of hair that had plastered itself to his sweating face. He succeeded in finding Hawke's inner core, and he had succeeded in casting an enchantment that provided a barrier between herself and the darkness in her veins that constantly called her into the Fade. But he was worn out, his mana supply all but spent. It took him several hours to complete the complex spell needed for such an outcome, but it had worked, and Hawke was sleeping somewhat peacefully due to a draught he gave her.

Although Fenris cursed Anders multiple times, threatened to crush his bones, and lamented the day he was ever born, he did do his best to keep visitors at bay while the healer mage worked. Now, he was once again by Hawke's side, stroking her hair when he thought Anders wasn't looking.

_At least she can no longer get lost forever in the Fade..._

* * *

Fenris' thoughts returned to the woman in his room, and he felt a new resolve. He knew he had to turn and face the tiger, for both their sakes; he knew he had to protect her at all costs, even if it meant his life. If it meant seeing Hawke smiling again, Fenris didn't care who he had to kill, or how much blood he had to shed to make that happen.

"Elanna, please get well soon. _Please_..."

They would pay for hurting her. They would _all_ pay.


	12. Chapter 12: Memories

**Chapter songs: "Try Not to Breathe" by R.E.M., and "Have a Little Faith in Me" by John Hiatt**

* * *

It took Elanna nearly three hours to fully bath. Every place the water glided over her skin, every single bubble of soap, burned her with pain. Drying off by tapping her body over with a cloth as gently as possible, Hawke bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.

Fenris waited for a long time for Hawke to finish bathing. Staring into the fire in front of him, he was amazed she could even walk at this point.

_I wish I could take her pain away...she does not deserve this fate._

The sound of a door being opened jolted Fenris away from his brooding thoughts. There stood Hawke, in the middle of the room, with a loose-fitting, white sleeping gown that tied at the waist with a green sash around the front. Her long raven hair was free from its usual braid, and instead, cascaded down her back in soft waves while the lyrium markings glowed faintly. Hawke looked ethereal - - - Fenris could not look away.

His eyebrows went up in surprise as he realized her eyes were filled with tears about to spill over. He stepped towards her.

"Hawke...?" he asked instinctively.

"It hurts... _I_ hurt...everywhere... why won't it ever stop?" Hawke reached up to cover her face with her hands.

He noticed a strange, panicked look on her face as she began to take deeper breaths, as if unable to breathe properly.

"I…don't…know…who…I…am…and I can't…no…no.." Elanna began gasping for breath, her face pale and ashen, her eyes wide with fear.

Before he knew what he was doing, Fenris cupped her face in his hands, and wiped the tears falling from her face. Another strange sensation went through Fenris' own markings as if he had been electrified. It coursed through his lyrium laced veins from the palms of his hands down to the soles of his feet.

His voice was steady and quiet, "Just breathe…breathe, Elanna..." Fenris took slow, deep breaths and encouraged her to do the same. Hawke's eyes had a distant look about them as if she wasn't hearing what he was saying.

But she felt it. She felt the lyrium markings on her face being touched by the elf who had sworn to take care of her. Her sharp inhale made Fenris try to withdraw his hand, but she placed her hand on top of his and closed her eyes. She felt something different.

"Your hands..." she whispered, afraid that the sensation would disappear if she spoke too loudly. Fenris felt her warm, rapid breath near his hand.  
He felt glued to the spot as he stared at Hawke, unable to speak.

"Your hands are cold..." she continued, "it's as if I can feel your _emotions_ through these...these markings..."

Hot tears dropped silently from Elanna's eyes, but a faint smile appeared on her lips. She sighed, releasing the mound of tension in her shoulders. She leaned up against the elf in front of her, her head placed softly on his chest. Her tears stung as they rolled down her face over the markings on her skin. Would she ever stop hurting?

Fenris brushed a tear away with a thumb, still intently watching her. Elanna opened her eyes, and saw the elf so close to her face, his large deep eyes filled with worry and compassion. He leaned into her touch as Hawke breathed deeply. Slowly, Fenris purposely placed his palm over Hawke's lyrium markings that lined her face.  
Her eyes brightened in sudden surprise.

"_Fenris_..." she breathed, "Your name's Fenris..."

The elf let out a half-laugh as he touched his head gently against hers.

"That's right..."

With her soft hand still holding onto Fenris', Elanna closed her eyes once more and ran his hand slowly and deliberately over the lyrium markings on her face.  
Fenris felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked at her. Her warm breath on his hands sent shivers down his spine. She moved his hand over her lips and let out a sigh of relief.

"Hawke...?"

"You feel...nice…" she murmured, her breath beginning to quieten.

Fenris looked down at Elanna, but tried to ignore the pounding of his beating heart that seemed to press up against his ears. He smiled again as he looked at her with softened eyes. It was a smile he reserved only for her.

"Come," he said, leading Elanna gently over to her bed as he sat down beside her. "You need to rest."

Walking was still somewhat difficult for her, but Fenris was slow and patient to guide her over to the bed she had been occupying as of late. Placing her hand on the soft down mattress, it still hurt her to touch anything. She held her breath, hoping the elf wouldn't notice her pain. He stood slightly behind her, a strong, silent presence in her mind. She heard him breathe in as if to say something, then stop. She did not push him to say what was on his mind. No, the silence they now shared was a comforting sort of quiet.

She brushed the soft pillow with her thumb, hoping that if she repeated the action often enough, the shooting burns she felt along her lyrium marks would subside as well.

She turned her body slightly when she heard a sound coming from behind her. Fenris, his hand still in hers, tugged at the small buckles of his spiked hand armor with his teeth, allowing the equipment to slide free and fall onto the floor with a loud _clank_. He now placed his fully exposed hand on Hawke's shoulder, keeping the lyrium on his skin and hers in constant contact. Hawke felt herself blush, but she returned to running her hands along the bed, determined to build up a resistance to her constant state of agony.

The silence was deafening as another _clank_ filled the room. Now with both hand guards removed, Fenris was left with a simple dark tunic and elves' pants. The clothes he wore were plain, but Fenris knew didn't hurt his skin nearly as much as some of the other clothes scattered throughout the mansion in the clothing chests he had found.

Ever since the day Fenris had offered his hand to Hawke in an attempt to console her for the blame she felt for her brother's death, his markings had reacted differently towards her touch. Her fingers felt like cool water on an aching sunburn. Perhaps that was what Hawke was experiencing now. If this were true, then keeping their lyrium markings touching would perhaps ease her pain as well.

Meanwhile, Hawke eyed the bed in deep thought.

_What would hurt less, slowly getting on the bed, bit by bit, or just jump in and get it over with? It'd be like ripping off a bandage, right?_

Fenris looked alarmed when she chose the second option, hopping onto the bed suddenly.

Bad idea. Her sudden curses in Tevene made Fenris wonder how a magical enchantment could have taught her such foul language.

But Hawke was tired of hurting, and was tired of being tired of hurting. She began to laugh, a shallow kind of bitter laugh.

_So that's where I get my laugh from..._ Fenris thought amused, yet sad.

"Well that blighted hurt..."

He laughed in return, "Strange how something so soft can hurt so much, correct?"

"By the Maker's bastard children, _everything_ hurts. Bloody bath, bloody bed, bloody stinking clothes..."

"With all that blood you just mentioned, I'm surprised you'd have any left...you'd need a transfusion soon..."

They stared at each other, straight-faced and silent. Then her mouth twitched. Soon, they were both laughing at the awful joke.

"Wow, Fenris, I must _really_ have some kind of fever if I'm hallucinating such a bad punch line."

She said it again. _His_ name - - - just like she used to say before the ritual. Hope surged through Fenris as he watched her settle into bed once more.

_Hawke's still in there, somewhere deep down. Maybe there's still a chance she'll recover completely..._

* * *

"I'm scared."

The small voice was almost too soft to be registered by human ears, but to Fenris, her voice rang through the thick darkness clearly. He heard her slowly stir, weary from tossing and turning the entire night. Fenris had not slept, could not sleep even if he had wanted to. His thoughts were of Elanna, and only of her.

He knew why she was afraid, for it was the same reason Fenris had not had a peaceful night's sleep in years.

Fenris' voice was clear and crisp, "Nightmares in the Fade?"

He heard her exhale slowly.

Hawke saw a shadow of movement from the chair Fenris had remained in since she had retired for the night. Soft shuffling came from the far corner, then a spark caught her eye. Fenris had lit a candle, and finding several other candlesticks and candelabras around the mansion, proceeded to fill the room with the soft glow of candlelight. Her eyes traveled where he walked while Fenris remained quiet, but diligent in his task until the whole room was aglow. Finally, he turned and walked over to her bedside.

"It is said demons in the Fade are confused by the light of candles... Something to do with the way the flame moves, I am told."

He watched her face, and gauged her reaction. Hawke's eyes shifted until she was looking into his face, a tired expression making the silver in her eyes to appear like a dark cloud just before the rain. Bending down towards her, Fenris gently coaxed her to sit up slightly, her eyes never leaving his. He tried to steady his beating heart that raced in his chest again for the second time that night. Surely, Fenris thought, she would be able to see how nervous she made him.

Curving his body around her (_Maker, I hope she doesn't slap me away_), he eased himself behind Hawke, providing a barrier between her skin and the bed she lay on (_What's possessed me to be doing this? I'm such a foo_l).

Hawke's mouth went dry, and she could hear every beat of her heart. Fenris' breath was warm and hesitant on her neck, making it difficult for her to concentrate as well. The markings along her back seemed to hum faintly as the elf's lyrium infused skin brushed against her own. Unlike before where her lyrium marks felt a rush of coldness when they touched earlier, now it felt like a soft, pulsating warmth that spread over her body, calming her slowly. There they lay, cradling each other gently, too nervous to speak. Fenris leaned up against the headboard of the bed, wrapping his arms around Elanna delicately, as if she would break.

Fenris' etched hand came into her line of vision, the light playing off his skin, entrancing her.

"If I sleep," Elanna finally whispered, "I _see_ things...I _hear_ things..._awful_ things... I don't want to close my eyes..."

Fenris did not answer her right away, but softly stroked her hair.

Finally he spoke, unsure of himself, "There is a song that often helps me get to sleep when the nightmares plague me..."

Hawke waited until she felt Fenris take a deeper breath. His voice was low, soothing, and pleasing to her ears:

_"Come now, my Dear One, the dawn is near._  
_Dry your eyes now, my Dear One, there's nothing to fear._  
_Soon now, my Dear One, a new day there will be._  
_Don't cry now, my Dear One, for my love you'll always see."_

Fenris let his breath out slowly. He had never shared that song with anyone; he had never wanted to before now. That song was one of the few memories Fenris retained once the lyrium ritual was performed on him. Unfortunately, Fenris could not remember where the song was from, or who had sung it to him.

Hawke lifted her head up to get a proper look at him. Her eyes were big, round, and seeking something in the expression in his face. She placed her fingers along his cheek, still searching his face for any sign of rejection in it. She drew her fingers down until they paused at the corners of his lips. They inched closer to each other, feeling the breath of the other on their faces. Their lips touched lightly for the briefest second, sending both Fenris and Hawke's lyrium to flicker for a moment, the spark of their attraction made into a physical manifestation.

Leaning a bit more confidently against his warm, strong chest, Hawke closed her eyes, feeling her hair being stroked again slowly.

Both girl and elf drifted off to an easy sleep, surrounded by the dancing fires of candlelight.


	13. Chapter 13: Cat for a Day

**This chapter is meant to be read a bit different than previous ones in that, once you start reading about what happens in the clinic, it is not meant to be serious, but light and silly. It's not even crucial to the story, except the fact that Hawke gets over her fever and you find out a little more about Fenris . Even I can't write broody scenes all day! xD**

**Chapter Song: "What's New Pussycat?" by Tom Jones**

* * *

Fenris awoke early the next morning, Hawke still with him. But somehow during the night, she had turned over and had her arms encircling his body, lying with her stomach on his chest in a hug. She had managed to tie her hair back into its usual braided updo for the night, but a few strands of hair and fallen loose and delicately framed her face. Fenris breathed, inhaling her sweet, natural scent. He inhaled again, and closed his eyes. Hawke's response was to simply snuggle deeper into his chest.

_This is what it must feel like to wake up after...after..._

He refused to finish the thought, happy though it made him. Fenris had never had such thoughts before, about what it would be like to be with a woman, and the frequency and the persistence of such thoughts that recently occupied most of waking (and, as of late, his sleeping) mind were strange and new to him.

Hawke was still fast asleep, the most peaceful he had ever seen her, but he slowly moved out from underneath her, careful not to wake her up. After all, it would have been beyond embarrassing for Fenris if she were to wake up while he was so..._uncomfortable_.

_Terrible...awful...I must have more self-discipline over my body and mind if I am to properly take care of her... I will not let my mind run wild on such things..._

Searching the mansion once again to divert his wayward thoughts, Fenris happened upon decent cotton clothes that would suit him nicely: a beige long sleeved tunic, and olive green, loose-fitting pants made with winter fabric.

Over in the corner of Hawke's room (as he had begun to think of it), lay his hand bracers and other bits of his armor. It seemed like forever since Fenris and Hawke had been out on a mission, effortlessly killing shades, bandits, or any sort of mythical creature that got in their way.

_And yet_, Fenris thought silently as he examined his equipment,_ It feels nice to have a few days where scrubbing caked on blood and gore out of my hair and skin is not part of my nightly routine._

Still, there was no use in being wreckless, not with Danarius still on the loose. His eyes darkened at the thought, and he picked up his greatsword to begin polishing it with fervor.

_I'll be ready for you, Danrius, just wait and see..._

With equipment fully polished and mended, Fenris crept back into the room way Hawke lay sleeping. She was not as peaceful as she looked when he left her earlier, but at least she was getting much needed rest. A flash took him back to one of his first memories.

_Nearly bedridden for a week...sometimes I think I shouldn't have even made it out of the ritual alive..._

He frowned when he saw her shivering even though she had many soft blankets wrapped around her.

* * *

Hawke's vision began to solidify as she opened her eyes. Her body ached, but at least the nightmares weren't as vivid as the previous night's had been. The candles were now blown out, and the room was dark. Deep eyes were again close to her face.

"Ah, you're awake..." Fenris said, voice low and comforting.

Hawke shivered, feeling unwell yet again.

She felt Fenris' cool cheek pressed against her forehead, feeling for a fever.

"Our lyrium is too..._reactive_ to each other's," he began, "so gauging if you were still feverish would have been difficult. I thought doing it this way, by placing my skin on yours on places where the lyrium is absent would give me a proper indication of your health."

Elanna was distracted by the vibrations his throat made against her skin to care whether she was still sick or not. His neck was so close to her mouth, it would take all but a breath's moment to have her lips there. Just as quickly, Fenris pulled his face away from hers, mouth still downturned with concern.

"Your fever should have broken by now..." he said quietly, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

He looked at her for what seemed like a long time.

"I'll take you to the clinic..." Fenris finally commented, expressionless.

Hawke tried sitting up, her body still hurting slightly.

"But, you hate Anders...I think. Why take me?"

Sadness strained his face as he gazed back at her.

"I hate the abomination much less than I hate the feeling of...just the thought of what could happen to you, Hawke..."

He stumbled with his words, and fell silent for a moment before continuing, "I just can't..."

Hawke stared at him, a look of vulnerability she had never seen before had washed over his face. Swinging her feet over and planting them on the floor, determined not to twitch in pain, she placed her hand on Fenris' shoulder.

"Don't fret over me, Fenris, I'm a big girl, right?"

She smiled as widely as her face would allow.

"Now, you got any comfy clothes for our little doctor's visit? Preferably the kind of clothes that won't have me in tears every time I move...that's getting a bit old, dontcha' think?"

Fenris's throaty laugh erased some of the lines of sadness. They went off in search of suitable clothes for Hawke to wear.

* * *

**::At the Clinic::**

* * *

"What did you _do_ to her? She seems... not herself"

Hawke batted a hand at her reflection in the large mirror in the back of the room. Anders searched his medical notes he had scattered around the clinic.

"The potion's name is 'Freyr's Calm'... there's got to be notes on it somewhere..."

He glared up at Fenris standing near one of the examination tables that filled the room.

"Well, don't just stand there, _help_ me find it."

Blood rushed to Fenris' ears as his eyes darted to the piles of parchments and notebooks. His toes curled under the hard floor, a habit that often surfaced when he was extremely nervous. He picked up a piece of paper as if to examine it.

_Scribbles..._

Another piece of paper.

_Scribbles..._

He mimicked Anders' expression as he stared at the myriad of notes and papers in his hands. He squinted, moved his eyes across the page at what he thought was a reasonably normal pace, and furrowed his brow in attempted thought. He prayed to whatever god was listening that Anders wouldn't notice anything amiss.

"Ah, found it!" Anders suddenly exclaimed, holding up a long, yellowed, parchment scroll. His eyes scanned the document quickly.

Fenris eyed the action with more than a little envy.

Anders mumbled as he searched for information, "Should be the consistency of rainwater blah blah... patient should be asleep when administering blah blah...ah, here," he finally slowed, using his fingers to trace along the page.

"Oh my...it's complicated as to why this happens, but it says here that the patient may experience the temporary sensation of adopting or anthropomorphizing the personality traits of the last species the patient interacted with who is of the same biological composition. Side-effects usually occur when patient has been exposed to another subject within the past 2-4 hours..."

Fenris growled angrily, "Save the big, impressive words for someone who _cares_, Abomination. Just tell me, what's wrong with Hawke?"

Anders looked up from his notes, wondering what had gotten the elf so worked up.

"Um, Fenris, who was the last female Hawke talked to within the last four hours?"

"No one."

Anders looked clearly confused.

"No one? Are you sure? Not her mother? Bethany? Even Isabella?"

"No, no one. She awoke, dressed, ate, and we made our way here."

"She didn't happen to bump into anyone while walking here, by chance?"

Fenris scowled.

"How many times I have to tell you, Abomination? _No_... no one was anywhere near us it was so early in the blighted morning. We only stopped when Hawke bent down to pet a stray cat near the clinic..."

Elf and mage exchanged glances, coming to the same realization: Hawke had turned into a cat for a day.

"Look at it this way, Fenris," Anders began, his voice on the verge of laughter, "according to my notes, she'll only grow sharp claws and teeth for a few hours. At least she won't shed."

They both turned to look at Hawke-cat, who was now hissing at herself in the main clinic mirror.

* * *

"Hawke...Hawke... _please_ don't do that," Fenris winced. "You're going to ruin the pants".

"Aww, she must really _like_ you, elf! Look at her, all cute and 'makin' dough'... cats will only do that on people they like, you know..."

Anders' continued to coo at Hawke-cat as he patted her on head, "Who's the pretty kitty? Who is? _You_ are! Such a sweet kitty..."

Fenris was less than amused. If it wasn't for Anders helping Hawke get rid of her fever, he would have all too easily put him back in his place where he belonged. That place being far, far away from Hawke.

Fenris curled his lips in pain/amusement, however, as Hawke-cat continued to knead at the fabric of his pant's leg. He guessed she must like him a _lot_ if what the abomination said was true.

"But...but my pants...she's shredding them to pieces with..._claws_..."

He tried to scoot himself away from her, but that only made Hawke-cat dig her sharp appendages deeper into the fabric, ripping it along the seam.

"You can't keep moving away from her, Fenris, otherwise she'll think it's a game."

"Who died and made you the expert on cats?" Fenris sneered as he tried to detach himself from Hawke's grasp.

"Watch..."

He dashed over to an old chest in the main room, and bounded over to Hawke once again. Excitement and happiness shined in his eyes.

"Here, kitty kitty! Anders has a little surprise for you!"

Hawke perked up suddenly in his direction.

"I will give you all of the gold in my possession if I never have to hear you use that high-pitched voice ever again..."

Something jingled in Anders' palm. Where he had gotten the toy, or how long it had been with him, Fenris did not know.

Hawke literally mewed with excitement.

"Meow!" Hawke-cat pounced on the shiny bell complete with long, faded ribbons.

"Looks like an old trinket you got there, Mage."

Anders stopped dangling the toy in front of Hawke-cat. She continued to swing her paw-like hands at it anyways.

"I wasn't kidding when I said I had a cat in the Deep Roads. I really do miss him, Ser Pounce-a-lot."

There was an awkward pause between them.

"Slaves were not permitted to have pets..."

Anders raised an eyebrow.

"So, you don't know anything about animals like cats, dogs, or even horses?"

Fenris studied his face. He looked genuinely curious.

"No."

Anders began twirling the ribboned bell toy again in earnest.

"Pity..." he began, not bothering to take his eyes off Hawke.

"Pets are wondrous things to have. Even if two people...or even a group of people hate each other, all you have to do is bring in something cute and fluffy. Then everyone can at least agree upon the fact that it is adorable and cuddly."

Fenris pondered his words, but refused to answer him. Just because he knew how to deal with cats, didn't mean Fenris suddenly _liked_ the abomination.

Word got around to Hawke's family and companions about her "situation". Leandra couldn't bear to visit her yet, for fear of bursting into tears, so as usual, she sent Bethany to see her.

"Just be glad her fever's broken, and her pain will subside as long as the potion remains in her system. The side effects only last for a few hours at best, with the potion working on her pain for at least 24 hours. The fever should dissipate, but of course, blood magic and all being there...I can't really say for certain," was all Anders could tell Bethany when she inquired about it.

* * *

"Kitty! Oh, Kit- - ty!" a voice yelled from the doorway of Anders' clinic.

Merrill, Isabela, and Varric tumbled into the clinic as a group, curious beyond words about how such a side-effect would play out with their friend.

Isabela began to sing merrily as she waltzed over to Hawke-cat, "Pussycat, pussycat, I love you, yesss I do!"

She licked her teeth at Anders who hit his palm to his forehead. Of course Isabela would make something like this into a sexual innuendo.

"Is it always sex with you?"

"Not always," replied the pirate, placing a saucer she had brought with her on the ground next to Hawke-cat, and proceeded to fill it up with sweet cream.

Hawke-cat sniffed it delicately, wriggling her nose. Soon, she was lapping up the cream excitedly.

"See, even as a cat, having a bit of cream every now and then makes for a happy pus- - -"

"Me next, me next! I've brought a present for the kitty, too!" squealed Merrill, her happiness almost painful for Fenris to watch.

Dumping an odd, greenish, blob-like substance into a bowl, she skipped over to Hawke-cat, and sat on the clinic floor. Sprawling out on her stomach with her elbows propping her up and her hands under her chin, Merrill giggled at her.

"Here, kitty, I brought you some Dalish food for the sick, it'll make you feel loads better! And, you just have to get better, you _have_ to...I've been getting lost more and more around Kirkwall, and I miss sharing those yummy strawberries you pick up at that stall I can never find."

Everyone in the room, regardless of how they felt about Merrill's use of blood magic, felt sorry for her (even if Fenris would never admit it). Hawke had been her closest friend.

Hawke-cat mewed her thanks once again, and hurriedly ate the odd food Merrill had presented her.

* * *

Hawke-cat yawned in Anders' face. She was bored.

"Maker's breath, kitty, what did Merrill bring you to eat!?"

Varric, meanwhile, had brought a cloth he had stuffed with catnip, and after a hugely entertaining reaction from Hawke-cat which included her trying to chase her non-existent tail and swat at Fenris' pointed ears, Hawke-cat gave up. She was now curled up side-by-side next to Merrill in the sleeping quarters of the clinic. The rest of her companions gathered casually in the main waiting room.

"Scratch her behind the ears, Sweetness, cats like that," Isabela whispered to Fenris.

She laughed as she saw Fenris' face turn red at the thought.

"I will do no such thing."

"Suit yourself. We're heading over to the Hanged Man, wanna come? Merrill can look after her..."

When he didn't answer or budge, Isabella took the hint (she didn't think he'd come, anyway), and the party exited the clinic moments later.

Fenris was alone in the sleeping quarters with Hawke-cat and Merrill. Slowly, he reached a tentative hand behind Hawke's ear, and stroked it gently.

Hawke _purred_.

A genuinely wide smile cracked Fenris's usually solemn demeanor.

_At least her fever subsided...and the purring is insatiably cute...but I am glad I did not decide to wear my usual, good clothes today..._


	14. Chapter 14: Just One of Those Days

**Welcome to Chapter 14! Another fluff chapter building up to more darker moments to come. Thanks for all the reviews as always! **

**Chapter Song: "Understanding" by Evanescence (Youtube has videos with the lyrics to the song)**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

Luckily (or some might say, unluckily), the potion's side-effects wore off as promised, and Hawke lay sleeping in the Clinic. Her fever had dissipated, and only she and Fenris remained in the small sleeping quarters. Anders begrudgingly left in a huff to pick up some more medical supplies and herbs when Fenris barked at him for trying to move Hawke into the main waiting area. The elf and girl were now alone. But once Hawke woke up, the peace was once again disturbed.

* * *

"I believe it best, yes..."

Hawke couldn't understand.

"Was it something I said? Something I did? Something to anger you?" Hawke rambled, watching the patterns of lyrium move across her hands as she spoke.

Fenris winced slightly. The pleading phrases spilling out of Hawke's mouth sounded all too familiar to him for it to be a mere coincidence.

"No, you are mistaken. Perhaps I misspoke. I would want nothing more than to..."

He stopped. What _did_ he want? For Hawke to stay cooped up in his old mansion, separated from a family that exists practically next door? For her to remain cut off from even understanding her friends because she could no longer understand her own mother tongue? No, that wasn't a life Fenris wanted for her. He wanted her to smile again, to be happy again - - - he wanted to get her old life back.

She waited in earnest for an answer. She saw his expression shift as he turned to her.

"You have not angered me. I merely meant that your family must miss having their daughter at home. Staying with them might bring back some memories for you..."

Hawke remained still for a while, than began to redo the braids in her hair slowly.

Fenris watched her, but could not tell what she was thinking.

_I used to be so adept at understanding the look in her eyes, and now...she's like a mystery..._

Finishing, Hawke looked back, a smile pushing through onto her face.

"What's a good place to get a hot drink?"

Fenris held out his hand to Hawke as he helped her get up from her napping spot, relieved she was getting her appetite back.

"I think I know of a place..."

* * *

Looking up at the grey, overcast sky of midday, Hawke shivered as the cold air brushed up against her skin. Winter was definitely here in full force this time of the year.

"Do you think I'll ever remember how to speak that other language...the one my family uses?"

She and Fenris were now walking back towards Hightown to The Round Table, a quaint outdoor eatery in the middle of town. Hightown was unusually quiet for the time of day, with people choosing to remain indoors to escape the cold.

"Truthfully, I do not know," Fenris began, walking around a corner and motioning for her to follow him, "But, if you can not remember, then perhaps your family could re-teach you. I know your sister, Bethany, would most likely excel in such an area..."

Fenris bit back a snide remark he nearly added about Bethany's use of magic as he looked in her direction. Hawke's expression remained unchanged as she walked beside the elf.

"I suppose so..."

"Here we are," Fenris said, happy for a shift in subject. As expected, all the tables at the eatery were round in shape, but differed in terms of size and texture. A woman with short, cropped, blonde hair led the two companions over to a small two-person table made of a mixture of stone and wood.

"Welcome to The Round Table, I'm Cassandra," The woman chirped in a fake, bubbly voice.

She stared at Fenris, her eyes focusing on his pointed ears, marked arms, and the huge broadsword strapped to his back. Fenris cleared his throat, forcing her to say something to end the awkward silence.

"Would you care for something to drink?" Cassandra asked, turning her body in such a way as to be only addressing Fenris.

"Two hot apple ciders."

Seeing as the elf wasn't going to pursue further conversation with her, Cassandra scuttled off to fetch their order, pouting in disappointment.

Hawke looked around, examining her surroundings, from the various tables and chairs that littered the area to the shopping stalls not far from where they sat. The workers at The Round Table were all staring at the elf and girl, many of them exchanging hushed whispers with one another. Elanna's ears burned as she become extremely self-conscious about her appearance. Hawke tried to tune out the fear rising in her consciousness by focusing her attention elsewhere.

"Fenris?"

"Yes?"

"Is there anything, you know...physically, that doesn't hurt for us to touch?"

"Ah," Fenris sighed, leaning slowly against his chair in thought. He paused before answering her, rubbing his nose as he formed a reply.

"There are some things that don't hurt, like feathers of certain birds and the furs of certain animals, for instance. But these things are few and far between, unfortunately. Everything causes some amount of pain, but some things hurt more than others to feel or touch."

"But you don't look like you're in pain at all..." Hawke replied, studying him as he sat comfortably across from her.

"I've had many years of practice..."

Looking up at the sky once again, Hawke remained in quiet reflection.

"Two apple ciders here," Cassandra called, waltzing over to the table and placing the drinks in front of them.

Hawke watched the steam rise up from their drinks with happy excitement, while Fenris studied her with unexpressed amusement. From all that Fenris could gather, Hawke seemed to have retained all of her past likes and dislikes, but due to her memory loss, she now had to "rediscover" all of them. Fenris couldn't help but to admit that he found the process of Hawke trying everything again for the first time fascinating.

Elanna crinkled her nose as she inhaled the aroma of the drink in front of her. Looking back up at Fenris, she saw him sipping his own beverage with reserve, his eyes locked on her expression. Tentatively, she wet her tongue with the drink, the fresh smell of apples enveloping her senses of smell and taste. She closed her eyes in pleasure as she hummed her satisfaction.

"Ah, this is excellent," she said, taking another sip. "So warm and apple-y..."

Fenris gazed at her sideways, resting his head on his hands.

"Apple cider..." he said, forming the word for the drink slowly in the common tongue of Kirkwall.

"Apple...apple...what?" Hawke repeated in a mixture of the common tongue and Tevene between swallows.

She heard him chuckle.

"Apple is a good start, we can stop it there for now."

"Well, whatever it's called, it's really delicious..."

"Yes, I completely agree..."

* * *

Having been warmed by their drinks, Hawke walked over to the shopping stalls around the area with Fenris at her side, somewhat uncomfortable with the turn of events. He lingered behind Hawke as she made her way to a nearby clothing stall.

_Great, shopping...my least favorite thing in Thedas to do as a free elf..._

Hawke's fingers flowed through various silks and cottons, the kind worn by ladies of the high court in Kirkwall. Her eyes wandered over the elegant purples, royal blues, and delicate pinks, feeling them in between her hands. The thin veil of pain was still apparent on her face, but Fenris noticed Hawke seemed to be getting accustomed to hiding it. The head seamstress eyed her nervously, her gaze darting from her tattooed hands to the eerie, luminescent shade of Hawke's eyes.

"Anything interests you?"

Normally such a question would never have left Fenris's lips, but for the life of him, he could not read the expression on Hawke's face. It was becoming more of a common thing for him ever since the night Danarius branded her, and it irked him. It seemed to Fenris that all he could do lately was stare at her intently, hoping to figure her out.

"Did I like things like...like this?" She said quietly, almost to herself as she slowly stroked the delicate lace of a parasol.

Fenris rubbed the back of his neck, unsure.

"Women usually like such frilly things if I am not mistaken..."

Hawke responded with a small, "Hmm...", but kept her eyes scanning the various wares at the stalls. Walking slowly and carefully, she picked up silk after silk of bright, vibrant, happy colors, putting them all down without a second glance. Fenris was pleased to see, however, that Hawke seemed to be particularly drawn to the dark colored fabrics on display for sale.

_At least some things won't ever change..._

Hawke stopped, gazing somewhat longingly at the weapons' stall adjacent to the fabrics. No doubt these two stalls had been situated side by side to attract warriors to the weapons, and their wives, mistresses, or girlfriends to the fabrics close by. The weapons' stall owner sat behind the stall, mending leatherwork. The man was a hardened, muscular type, with a thick salt and peppered beard and cracked, leathery hands. He looked up when he saw Hawke pick up two blades to inspect them.

"Them's not toys, Missy..."

The rest of his insult was silenced, however. Hawke stood in front of him, twirling two butterfly knives with ease and agility, flipping them in and out over her fingers as if it were a second nature to her. Fenris remained captivated as she tossed the blades so hard into the air they seemed to hover in place before catching them again, unscathed.

"The weight's off," she muttered nonchalantly as she walked away.

"Wait, wait, Messere, I see you are a woman of skill," the man said hurriedly, fumbling around one of the chests lining the back of the stall.

Heaving it onto a nearby table, Hawke turned around slightly, intrigued again despite not knowing exactly what the man said.  
Fishing a large key out of his coat pocket, the stall merchant opened the chest in front of her, gesturing Hawke to come back.  
Fenris stepped aside to let her examine the chest's contents.

"By the Maker's good graces..." Hawke commented in aspiration.

Lifting several items out of the chest, Fenris noticed it was a set of rogue's armor and weapons, all in matching shades of deep red and black.  
Hawke was enchanted. Fingering the armor lightly, she felt the cool metal of the many buckles and belts that adorned a chest piece, wrist guards, and leg protectors. Once the armor had been laid out on the table, Hawke's eyes lit up as the stall master began to display the matching pieces of various weapons in the set. From the spiked shoulder equipment, to the dangerously curved katana-like blades and butterfly knives, Hawke inspected them all.

It was all perfect.

Another emotion flickered in Hawke's expression.

"I'm sorry...I can't..." she whispered, shoving the items away from her grasp as if they were snakes.

Walking briskly away from the stall, Fenris was forced to mutter his apologizes, and chase after her. The chantry bells rang out, signaling the end of the noontime worship service. Fenris cringed.

_Venhedis..._

People poured out of the various worship halls situated around Hightown with some heading straight home while others, particularly ladies, clustered in groups to go shopping. The horde of people filled the streets, separating Fenris from Hawke. He called out to her, but her figure was swallowed up in the masses.

Keeping her eyes down and staring unseeingly at the cobblestone street at her feet, Hawke wanted to break out into a run.

_I'm a... a fighter? I killed people... _

A face sparked her memory: a young man with unruly dark black hair and eyes that matched the light brown of her sister.

_Did I kill him? He looks so much like Bethan- - -_

"Ouch, watch it!"

She was jolted out of her thoughts as she ran into a young girl causing her to trip and fall.

"I'm sorry," Hawke began in Tevene as she extended her hand to help the her up. The girl, dressed in a fine light blue worship outfit stared at Hawke's hand, her eyes running up to her face and eyes.

"Blood witch!" she screamed, backing up incredibly fast while trying to get back on her feet.

Hawke straightened herself up as she watched the blue lace of the girl's dress disappear into the back of the crowd. Everyone was staring at her now, eyeing her every move with fear. She couldn't understand the people that parted nervously out of her way, avoiding her as if she were some diseased animal. The crowd enveloped her in a circle, walking at arm's length away from her, their eyes still following Hawke.

_I need some air...I need to get out of here, I need..._

She felt Fenris' strong hand grasp her own, and a feeling of icy coolness began to run through her veins.

"Stay close to me..." Fenris whispered in her ear, trying to draw her to himself as they continued to walk, "These people don't matter... ignore them..."

The crowd swelled shut once again, the elf and girl were now in the empty space with people on all sides of them. The low jeering and gossiping voices were promptly quieted, however, when Fenris glared at them, and made sure sure they knew he was well armed and dangerous.

"Stupid...can't even be embarrassed without people gaping at me now..."

Fenris released her hand and continued to walk beside her, chuckling bitterly to himself once they had past the gawking crowds.

"Yeah, I know..."

* * *

_Pop!_ The cork to a wine bottle shot out across the mansion's great room, rolling idly across the cold marble tile. The gurgling sound of pouring alcohol echoed in the large mansion. Normally, Fenris would revel in the dark quietness of such a moment, but now, the silence filling the mansion seemed odd to his ears. Night had fallen, and the slivered, crescent moon hung low in the sky.

"Wonder how Hawke's coming along with her family..." he said to no one in particular.

After the incident in town, Fenris and Hawke hurried to get back to her uncle's home (if you could even call it that). When Hawke showed up at their door, Leandra had answered, and was quick to wrap her arms around her daughter, unintentionally catching Fenris in a tight hug as well (with both of them trying not to writhe in pain).

Once the pleasantries were over, Fenris spoke to Bethany, and suggested she get some potions made to allow the mage to understand her sister. But, to Fenris' surprise, Bethany was already one step ahead of him as she revealed that she had Anders make her the same potion in bulk ever since she found out Hawke could no longer understand the common tongue. Although Fenris could not bring himself to think fondly of Bethany due to the fact that she was a mage, he did respect the younger Hawke for the dedication and love she showed her elder sibling. Fenris had then made his way back to his own residence, pushing down the feeling of sadness welling up in his mind.

Dragging his favorite chair in front of the main hearth, The elf set about starting a large fire. Once the fire was roaring, Fenris scouted the house once again, looking for something Hawke had reminded him of earlier in their conversations. After a while, he settled into his chair, already on his second glass of wine.

_Aggregio...Danarius' specialty..._

Taking a gulp from the wine glass in his hand, Fenris savoured the rich, velvety texture.

_Glad I can still take pleasure in the small things..._

Jerking his head suddenly, something crossed the elf's awareness.

"What the..."

Fenris's ears strained to hear a soundless melody that seemed to be approaching the direction of the mansion.  
The sound continued to grow stronger, although Fenris wasn't sure if he heard a sound at all. Creeping towards front windows, he peered out onto the street, certain he was about to be ambushed.

"_Fasta vass_, it's blighted cold out here..."

Fenris instantly calmed as he let out a sigh of relief and opened the mansion door. He walked out to find Hawke standing in the middle of the street. She was dressed in a simple sleeping outfit of a black winter top and matching long pants that were comfortably loose, but still showed the curves of her figure nicely. Hawke had turned her back toward him as if meaning to walk in the opposite direction until Fenris stopped her.

"Hawke? What are you doing here?"

She slowly turned and, in feigned surprise, put her hands to her mouth.

"Oh Fenris! I didn't know I was already this far away from Lowtown. I...I'm lost?"

Fenris glanced down at her feet, and tried to not smile at her slippers which were fashioned to look like birds (no doubt, hawks) on her feet. He looked back up at her. Hawke's smile was replaced with defiance.

"Bethany made them," she said tersely, realizing what he was looking at. Her expression shifted once again to embarrassment as her voice softened, " I slept, and I dreamed, but...m-my screaming woke everyone up. Uncle kept pointing and saying things, Mother wouldn't stop crying so...so I just left."

A million responses flooded Fenris' mind on what he should say to comfort her, for he didn't want the situation to be any more awkward than it already was.

"You're in luck then," Fenris began, cracking a sly smile.

She returned the smile, but her face showed her confusion.

"I've just opened a bottle of the best wine in all of Thedas, Aggregio Pavali," he said as he gestured for her to walk towards the mansion. "Care to join me? I find the wine to be a great resource to dull the lyrium... along with anything else unpleasant, of course."

Hawke didn't answer, but was beyond relieved when he offered to keep her company. She felt her heart flutter when Fenris' strong hand graced her back as he lead her towards the mansion.

"How is it I always seem to end up back here?"

The elf shrugged.

"Birds of a feather stay together, or something like that. We're not birds, so I'm not altogether sure if the saying is appropriate at this moment."

Fenris was pleased to see her grin up at him. It had never occurred to him that another human being, or any being for that matter, would ever find him genuinely humorous.

* * *

"It's just one of those days, you know?" Hawke sighed, downing what was now her third glass of wine.

"Trust me, I understand..." He replied, taking a swig of wine straight from the bottle at this point.

The both of them sat near the fire, Hawke lying down on her stomach, cushioned by furs that lined the area, and Fenris leaning up against the back of his oversized chair as he sat near her. They listened to the fire crackle as they indulged themselves. Fenris looked over at Hawke, her cheeks flushed with color, and realized she was staring at him.

"What? What are you looking at?"

Hawke shifted and looked around her to see if anyone was listening. She kept her voice so low, and Fenris had to lean in slightly to hear her.

"Can you keep a secret?"

His heart leapt into his throat.

"Yes."

Hawke bent a finger in his direction, gesturing silently.

"Come here..." She whispered finally.

Fenris obeyed.

"_Closer_..." she breathed.

Fenris moved so close to her face he could feel her breath on his skin.

"Did you know that..."

Her breath was in his ear now, warm and low.

"Yes...?" He heard his own voice break softly.

Hawke cupped her hands over the elf's pointed ear, blocking the sound from outside listeners.

"...your hair is _silver_?!"

He laughed deeply in spite of himself.

"Really? I had no inclination of such a thing."

"I wish _I_ had silver hair..." Hawke lamented jokingly, patting her own hair for effect. "I'd be messing with it all the time..."

"You can satisfy your curiosity with mine if you wish."

Hawke turned to him in surprise, her eyes dancing in the firelight.

Reaching up, she slowly placed her fingers on a part of Fenris' silver hair that had fallen over his eyes. Hawke smiled, shyly at first, then more comfortably as she lifted up piece, dropped it, and then repeated the motion.

_It's so soft..._

Fenris heard her actually giggle, sounding much more like the woman he knew before Danarius had kidnapped her. It was a giggle Hawke had made him swear on his life that he would not reveal to any one of their companions because she had said it sounded too "girly" for a seasoned fighter like herself.

It must have been the effects of the wine giving Fenris unusual bravery. Impulsively he took Hawke's hands in his and ruffled his hair violently underneath her fingertips. The two laughed again, most likely due to the amount of alcohol in both their systems.

"Messy enough for you?" Fenris asked, amazed by how out of character he always seemed to act around the rogue woman.

Hawke was inches away from his face, her eyes bright and happy once again for a brief moment. Their eyes met, and her previous demeanor seemed to quiet as she glanced up at Fenris' smirking face. She tilted her head to gaze up at his disheveled hair, unblinking. Fenris saw her bite her lip as he looked at her.

Fenris wasn't sure who moved first, but he leaned forward either to receive Hawke's kiss or to kiss her himself. The sweet spiciness of the wine on her lips intoxicated him further, and he moved closer, placing a hand on her cheek. He felt her fingers continuing to run their way through his hair, stopping to massage the tips of his pointed ears.

Hawke was pleased to discover how much this seemed to have affected him, as she felt the elf warrior shudder slightly, feeling his tongue,warm and soft, in her mouth for the first time. She felt every place where their bodies touched: from his hands moving down the curve of her back, to her stomach and thighs brushing up against Fenris' toned body. And although they moved with passion and heat, Hawke felt gentle hands move over her body with reverence, as if the elf had never felt something so lovely in his life.

"Oh..." Fenris said quietly, breaking his mouth away momentarily. He laced their hands together, fixated and curious.

Hawke opened her eyes, realizing the lyrium on their bodies glowed faintly with a steady, shimmering light. Hawke couldn't help but notice she shone a whitish silver while Fenris glowed bright blue, but where their hands connected, the colors melted into each other seamlessly. She wiggled her fingers in Fenris' hand as she stifled a laugh. Although her lyrium was activated, it wasn't a searing, burning, or agonizing pain. Rather, she felt warm and giddy, the lyrium practically singing her excitement in physical form.

"Aren't we quite the pair?" She teased, releasing Fenris's hand so she could run her fingers over his collarbone, noticing his skin react once more.

Fenris watched her with something akin to awe. She glowed as well, but smiling as she did, she looked unworldly and divine. He'd give anything to see her smile like that more often.

"Never knew kissing like this could be so fun...especially if we get a light show like this."

Fenris's smiled lopsidedly, a subdued laugh deep in his chest.

"It is entertaining, that we can be certain..."

His eyes wandered over the contours of her body, tracing the ironically elegant patterns the lyrium made on her skin. Not all of the wine in Thedas could give Fenris the feeling he felt now.

_Is it really possible for me to be happy...to be truly happy? Even though it is my fault she is suffering, she still looks at me like...like a truly matter..._

"You really are a beautiful woman, Hawke..."

Elanna took another gulp of the wine bottle closest to her, her eyes back to the fire blazing in front of them.

"At least you think so..."

He blinked back his surprise.

_I should have known... here I am lamenting my own state,my own fears and insecurities. But Elanna...she's just as scared as I am._

His eyes softened, as he placed a finger under her chin, lifting it up until silver eyes refocused on him. Leaning closer, he kissed her forehead, then slowly moved his lips over both of her eyes.

Fenris saw her smile again, her eyes alight with gratefulness - - - and that was enough for him.

_Varric may say what he wishes about my character is his blighted book, but...I won't leave you...not now...not ever._

Of course, just because Fenris felt that sentiment, didn't mean he wasn't scared of such strong emotions. He was scared - - - paralyzingly terrified of losing Hawke, of having her cast him away in rejection, even of losing himself in the whole situation. As a warrior elf, slave to Danarius, Fenris had hardened himself from fear, and yet, looking down at the serene woman wrapped in his arms, he could feel his stomach tied in knots, and his palms damp in a cold sweat. He still had no memory of what he had been like as a boy, so romantic crushes and feelings associated with that time of his life had also been lost to him. One thing was for certain, however: Fenris had never been so - - -taken - - - by another person in his life.

* * *

Looking down at the bed, Hawke wasn't sure she was ready to try sleeping again just yet.  
She turned towards the window as the Chantry bells sounded. It was an hour before the midnight call.

"Room looks nice..." she commented, noticing the swept floor and the absence of glass shards and dust.

Fenris remained quiet as his eyes followed her. Hawke walked over to the open window, looking out once again into the night sky.

Without looking back at Fenris, she began speaking again, "When you're close to me...when we are actually touching, I mean... I don't hurt so much..."

Fenris put a hand on her shoulder, realizing his musings had been correct. He said the first thought that came to his mind, "I will be by your side until you command me away."

Hawke nodded, suddenly timid. Wordlessly, the elf and girl settled into bed, Fenris making sure Hawke's pain was minimal. He sighed as he allowed his body to relax.

"Won't ever happen..." He finally heard her whisper.

It was the second night they spent in each other's arms, but it felt to them both as if they had belonged there from the beginning. Several times in the night, if either one of them awoke from nightmares or restlessness, it was only a short time before they would drift off back to sleep, huddled in each other's embrace.

* * *

"Hawke...Hawke... _Elanna_..."

Her vision blurred and steadied.

"Wha? What's wrong, what's happened?" She slurred as she tried to wipe her eyes unsuccessfully.

"Follow me..." Fenris whispered hurriedly, taking her hand, and gently tugging to get her out of bed.

Hawke shivered as she planted her feet on the wooden floor of the bedroom. Exhaling, her breath made a small cloud that hovered near her mouth. Wrapping a blanket around her, Fenris and Hawke nearly jogged out to the mansion's courtyard entrance, their footsteps echoing around them. But, just before they reached the doorway, Fenris twisted around suddenly. Hawke peered at him curiously.

"You seem..._excited_?"

She could see him grinning unusually wide even in the darkness.

"Close your eyes..." Fenris said, shielding Hawke's eyes from view, and leading her outside by the hand.

Once outside, Hawke felt Fenris move away from her.

"Okay, you can look now..."

"Oh, wow..." Hawke exclaimed.

There in the open stood Fenris, snowflakes drifting silently around him.

_It's...it's snowing!_ Hawke thought excitedly as she watched the snowflakes fall harder and harder onto the ground, blanketing the already white covered ground with more layers of softness.

Fenris called her over, sensing her hesitation.

"This is one thing that _doesn't_ hurt at all... come and give it a try, Hawke..."

Shutting her eyes nervously, Hawke stepped out from under the protective awning of the entrance, her shoulders tensed and her breath held. Slowly, she cracked one eye open, seeing Fenris still standing some distance away from her, cupping his hands to let the snow pool into them. Opening her eyes completely, she looked at her arms and hands. Expecting to feel some amount of pain from the snow hitting her skin, she continued to hold her breath.

"It...it doesn't hurt, you're _right_!" She said, completely lost in the moment. She felt like singing again, she felt like dancing again, she felt like - - -

"Hawke?"

She turned in the direction of Fenris's voice, and he dumped an armful of powdery snow on top of her head, smirking.

"Now your hair's silver, too."


	15. Chapter 15: Two Steps Back

**Welcome to Chapter 15! Thanks everyone for following along! These next few chapters are more serious, in my opinion, so I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I have enjoyed writing them. :3 **

**Chapter Song: "Lost in Paradise" by Evanescence**

**Edit: I've decided to split this chapter up into 2 parts since it's quite long.**

* * *

"Andraste's tits, Varric, you told me you had found a third partner!" A dwarf said, angrily yanking at his beard in frustration.

"Something came up these past weeks. Just keep your beard on, and everything'll work out if you just leave it to me. After all, I've got all the looks in the family..." Varric said with a chuckle.

The dwarf threw up his hands and spat on the ground.

"Yes, laugh it up! What other use are you to the world, you baby-assed Mama's Boy..."

"Now now Bertrand, Mother didn't raise no fool...well at least not two of em'. I'll get you the coin we need, just give it time..."

"Time..._Time_?! How much more shitty time do you need?!"

"Two weeks, Brother, is all I'm asking for," Varric replied, pretending to plead and beg.

"Humph, I should just leave you and your schemes to rot in the Deep Roads if we ever get there."

"That's the stuff, Bertrand, dream big!" Varric quipped as the two parted ways.

It was time Varric paid Hawke a business call.

* * *

"The...the _what_?"

Hawke and several of her companions gathered that morning at the Hanged Man under Varric's request. They all had passed around the draught to make themselves understandable to Hawke, but time was limited.

"Ah, your memory's failing you, but luckily for you, my dear roguish lady-friend, your Varric is here to help you remember.

"And what if she doesn't _want_ to go anymore, Dwarf?"

Fenris stood at a distance from the rest of the party, quietly observing everything until that moment.

"Ah, quit your brooding, Elf, this is just what she needs! A night out on the town to get the blood pumping again!"

"You mean a few months' worth of fighting darkspawn and demons in the Deep Roads..."

"Semantics, semantics, nobody's got time for that," Varric replied merrily as he waved a hand in dismissal.

He motioned for Hawke to peer at a book he was holding.

"Lookie here, Hawke, it's all in this journal see? And being the kind, generous noble dwarf that I am..."

Fenris snorted.

"I will tell you what it says..."

Something shone deep in Hawke's eyes as the dwarf relayed all of their previously settled plans about entering the Deep Roads in search of money, jewels, and Maker knows what else. Everything was prepared and ready to go. All Varric needed now was a signature from Hawke and those that wished to join her on the trip.

Hawke looked at Fenris, who looked less than thrilled.

She decided to ignore him, and clapped her hands in mischievous delight.

"Let's do it!" She cried, reaching into her pocket and retrieving her wax signing stamp that was shaped like the Amell family crest.

"There's the Hawke I know!"

* * *

Then who would you suggest I bring? Hawke said, looking over various maps scattered across the wooden table where they had gathered later that day.

Isabella joined their table, and had ordered a tray of sandwiches for everyone.

"Broody, of course...he'd probably come anyways whether he was invited or not...

"I'm standing right here, Dwarf..."

Varric winked in his direction.

"Don't think Blondie's gunna' wanna join since he hates the Deep Roads...won't hurt to ask him though..."

_Great...more time with the abomination. What company she keeps..._

Isabella laughed and slapped Varric on the back playfully, pulling Fenris away from his thoughts.

"Well, the Deep Roads aren't exactly a romp in the sand are they?"

"And Daisy...well poor Daisy is more delicate than you are, Hawke, so no point in spoiling her rosy outlook on the world when we're already doing that with you."

"I'm not delicate..." Hawke argued.

"Of course not, Lovely..." Isabella cooed, patting her on the knee.

"You're just like a deadly cat that needs her claws resharpened. Right, Fenny?"

"How many times have I told you _not_ to call me that?"

"Spoilsport," Isabella pouted, throwing a crumpled napkin at Fenris.

Hawke was beyond ecstatic. These last few weeks, she had felt unproductive and fragile, but pouring over maps with Varric at the Hanged Man conjured up nostalgic emotions for her. Hawke felt more like her old self than she had in ages, and she enjoyed the feeling.

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

Elanna's determined and unwavering eyes stared up at Fenris who was leaning up against the wall in the shadows.

"Come with me if you're so afraid I'll be crying for home after the first day."

Fenris couldn't tell if she was pleading for him to go with her, or insulting him to stay away.

"You don't even know how to use the lyrium properly, yet..."

"Now's a good a time as any to learn," Hawke began, turning her eyes back to one of the large maps.

She heard him walk towards her, but refused to acknowledge his presence.

"Why are you pushing this? What if something happens to you?" Fenris said quietly, now standing next to her as she sat studying the documents.

When Hawke finally did respond, her voice was barely able to be heard.

"I am getting sick of you coddling me Fenris. I can take care of myself whether you think I can or not..."

Fenris didn't answer her.

* * *

The morning wore on, and Varric had sent an errand boy to get Merrill and Anders to stop by the Hanged Man for their talk. Fenris had left some time earlier without so much as a goodbye to any of them.

_Just because he isn't excited, doesn't mean that I can't be..._

Anders and Merrill did show up, and after reviewing their plans, and discussing who should go along with Hawke (Anders volunteered, although he made it known that Justice was seriously displeased at the notion of returning to the Deep Roads), they all sat around the table eating and drinking. Merrill looked completely terrified at the thought of spending so much time there, so Hawke took Varric's advice and did not ask her to come against her nature. The draughts had worn off by this time, so Hawke was left to read over the maps alone while everyone else continued to talk animatedly.

Heavy footsteps made Hawke look up to see Fenris approaching the party. He threw a set of armour onto the table in front of them, crumpling the maps underneath the weight.

"Put these on."

Merrill noticed Hawke's face turn red with embarrassment.

"I don't see what you're trying to prove- - -"

"Put it on."

The cold, brusque tone in the elf's voice made everyone at the table stop talking. They stared at Fenris, whose determined scowl was focused solely on Hawke.

She tried not to show how difficult it was to buckle her rogue's gear. What could have previously been thought of as quite comfortable armour now filled her with dread: all of the buckles and latches standard in such equipment caused Hawke severe and burning pain as she tried to tighten them. She slowly attempted the first buckle on her arm guards, pressing her lips together tightly. Fenris watched Hawke as she struggled with her gear, and did not offer to help her, or to tell her that she was, in fact, putting the gear on backwards.

Hawke suddenly pushed the everything away, knocking her chair over as she stood.

"Fine! I get it, I'm worthless now! I'll never get my family out of Uncle's shit shack, and I'll never be able to protect Bethany or my mother if harm should come to them!"

The lyrium activated in Hawke's body, her eyes disappearing in an angry, fiery glow.

"_You_ go to the Deep Roads, Fenris, you'd probably get more enjoyment out of it than I could since I don't even know what in the Void I like anymore! Go, leave, and find all the riches and glory you want!"

Everyone at the table looked from Hawke's furious stance to Fenris's surprised reaction. She sneered.

"I mean, what use am I to _you_ like this, right? I can't help you with anything anymore, not like I can blighted remember a damned thing about what goals you were bent on achieving before all this..."

It wasn't like Hawke to be so loud and vulgar in a public place, but she couldn't help it. She had to say something, and lucky for her, only Fenris could understand her ranting. She slammed her hands on the table in front of her.

"What good am _I_ to you!? What good am I to _anyone..._"

"Hawke, that's not what I- - -"

She was gone.

"Maker, now she's ten times scarier when she's mad..." Anders commented as he thoughtfully touched the now charred spot where Hawke had been leaning on just moments ago.

"I didn't really catch the conversation, but it didn't look like it ended well. I don't understand why she wants to push all of us away..." Merrill said sadly as she covered her face with her hands.

"It'll take awhile, Daisy, but she'll come around..."

* * *

"Just go to her, Broody..."

Varric watched as Fenris gulped down his third glass of wine since Hawke left.

"I can't go after her now...she doesn't want me anywhere near her. I'd be just 'coddling' her as she so rightly put it..."

"She's just scared, ya' know..."

The quiet, small voice was coming from Merrill. Everyone turned to look at her.

"On the verge of everything she ever wanted before, and now she can't reach it. I may not understand what she says, but I do know how she was before, all smiles and good jokes. She always talked about you ever since the first day you two met."

Fenris cleared his throat by coughing into his fisted hand.

"Merrill's right..." Isabella agreed, unusually serious.

"All Hawke ever wanted to do was to help you out with this whole Danarius business. And now...well let's just say the last thing she'd ever want would be for you to be serving someone like her as if you were a slave all over again..."

Fenris muttered darkly, the word "stubborn" being the only discernible thing out of his mouth.

"If she could at least get her language skills restored, perhaps it would help her to heal..." Anders added, concentrating on polishing the blue jewel embedded in his mage's staff.

"Let me guess," Fenris growled, "more magic?"

"Yes, _more_ magic, I am a mage, after all...why not use my Maker given gifts?"

"For what? To become possessed by a demon like all the other mages in the Imperium? I weep for your predicament."

"No you mule, to _help_ those in need."

The chair scraped noisily as Anders hurried to get to the exit, hoping to find Hawke.

"And if this is what she needs, then Maker be damned if I'm not going to get it done."


	16. Chapter 16:TSB (part 2)

**Welcome to part 2! I hope splitting the chapter up into smaller chunks makes for an easier read. :3**

**A/N: ****_Unwén= '_****Friend of the gods' (or in our case, 'Friend of the Maker')**

* * *

Elanna wandered the streets for some time, not really noticing where her feet were taking her.

"Stupid, braid..." she hissed to herself as she took her anger out on her hair, tugging madly at the woven pieces holding it up.

Her hair fell loosely past her shoulders, and Hawke crumbled the hair ribbon and stuffed it in her pocket. She pressed onward until the smell of brine and seaweed filled her lungs.

Anders searched all of Lowtown to no avail. Passing the shops in Hightown, he didn't see any sign of Hawke there, either. Even Fenris's mansion, where he knew she had been staying for the past few weeks, remained empty and vacant. Walking away from the city, Anders headed for the Wounded Coast.

There he found Hawke, sitting on a dried log, and gazing at the ocean. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were flushed.

Taking a sip from the vial he had at his hip, Anders took off his shoes, and walked through the sand to meet her. He offered a handkerchief to Elanna.

"Ladies should never be given a reason to cry."

"I'm no lady..." Hawke whispered bitterly as she dried her eyes.

"But...but thanks."

An unusually loud sound echoed around them as she blew her nose. They both laughed softly.

"I think you may be possessed by an elephant spirit, Hawke."

This just made her laugh even more, although Anders could see it physically pained her to do so.

"This is sickening," Hawke said, her eyes meeting Anders' for the first time.

"In all my life, I can count the number of times I have cried on _one_ hand, and now...now look at me..."

"You mustn't be too hard on yourself," the mage said gently as he sat down beside her.

"What you've had to go through is unimaginable. I just hope that you don't let this sour your whole outlook on mages."

Elanna paused, and looked at him questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

"Look at Fenris," He said, shifting to sit closer to Hawke.

"He has let one bad experience color his whole world. Surely you want someone more open-minded than that..."

Elanna frowned slightly as she answered, "Do you know anything about his past?"

"Not much, but even that is more than I ever care to learn."

"I guess that's why you don't like him...you just don't care enough to know..."

"The point I'm trying to make is that magic can be used for wonderfully good and useful things," Anders said hastily, afraid he may have upset Hawke.

"I know..." Hawke began, playing with the white beach sand between her toes.

"Bethany's a mage, and she's nothing like those in the Imperium, so of course I don't assume all mages are bad, if that's what you're getting at, Anders."

She smiled at him, and he tweaked her nose.

"Ah, you beat me to it, Hawke," he said jokingly, but quickly became contemplative again. He kicked the sand in front of him idly.

"What if I told you there may be a way to get most of your memories back?"

Hawke blanched as she faced Anders. He had her complete attention.

"There's no guarantee you will regain your memories from the past at all, and even if you did, you'd most likely forget the events that followed your...'situation'."

Hawke listened carefully, and Anders continued, trying his best not to become unnerved by her bright eyes.

"It's more like channeling one set of amnesia for another one... only this set doesn't span as long of a time. I basically use magic to 'reset' your mind, as it were."

Hawke stared at Anders for a while without saying anything.

"Can we tell Bethany and my mother to meet us at the clinic, then?"

"Certainly."

In less than an hour, Bethany and Leandra met Anders and Hawke inside the clinic. Seeing her daughter again for the first time since the argument at Gamlen's house, the woman smiled cautiously. Bethany was talking to Anders who was sifting through a book while drinking draughts of a variety of colors.

"Why can't I do it? I'm a mage, and she's my sister..."

"The amount of mana you'd need, the concentration, the difficulty...it's all too much for someone of your training, unfortunately. Unless you know the exact science of the magic you'll..." Anders cut himself off, and shut the book loudly.

"I'll _what_, exactly?"

"You'll both be dead by the end of it."

Bethany brought her hand over her heart, and Leandra walked out of the clinic at that point.

* * *

_What would Mother and Father have thought if they could see me now, seeking help for the second time from an escaped elf-slave..._

Leandra found who she was looking for, outside of his mansion, mending bits of leather outside in the afternoon heat. Taking a deep breath to give her confidence, she cleared her throat delicately.

"Fenris, I'm sorry to disturb you again, but..."

She assumed he would look up and address her once she stopped speaking, but when he did not, Leandra became nervous and wrung her hands on her dress.

"It's Anders..."

Fenris startled her by abruptly standing and looking at her straight in the face as he towered over her small frame.

"What has he done, has he hurt you?"

His eyes were alert and piercing, and seemed to search for any sign of bruising or cuts.

"No no, I'm quite all right." Leandra replied softly. "It's Elanna I fear for. Anders has some kind of plan to "fix" her, but..."

Fenris sensed the nervousness in her voice, but remained silent.

"Please come to the clinic, I..." Leandra's voice faltered for a second before she continued, "Elanna trusts you, and so do I..."

He nodded.

* * *

Hawke sat down on one of the rickety chairs in the furthest room of the clinic. She tried to swallow the lump of nervousness that had now formed in the back of her throat, but was unsuccessful. She was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole thing. Hawke perked up, however, when she heard the door open once again, and her mother reentered the room. Her eyes lit up when her mother moved to the side, and Fenris emerged from behind her, walking in her direction. Elanna's face changed quickly as she tried to hide the fact that she was clearly pleased to see the elf. She turned her body slightly away from him.

Fenris reached Hawke within a few steps, whispering something to her in Arcanum to which Hawke merely closed her eyes and allowed herself to smile. She turned toward him once again as he continued to whisper into her ear, and Leandra could see her nervousness disappearing.

She watched the interaction from afar. Part of her wanted to loathe the elf who was paying so much attention to her daughter. After all, it was technically his fault that her eldest daughter was in this predicament. But there was another voice inside Leandra, reminding her of how her daughter was when she had first met the elf. There was a light in her eyes that she had not seen in Elanna since the day their father died, and seeing it again brought joy to Leandra's heart. She sent up a silent prayer as Fenris took a seat next to her younger daughter in the waiting area.

_May the Maker bless the both of them, no matter what happens..._

* * *

"Now, if everyone could please wait here while I work on Hawke," Anders said to the group as he took his staff from the corner of the room.

Bethany and Leandra nodded obediently, but Fenris looked past the mage and into the room where Hawke sat looking scared once again.

"It could take a few hours to do this, and any disruptions could be fatal." He continued, making sure Fenris in particular heard what he said.

"We understand," Bethany said, speaking for the entire group.

"Good."

"Anders?" Bethany ventured again, quietly.

"Yes?"

"What exactly will you do to her?"

Anders faced the young woman, and thought about what to say.

"You're a mage so perhaps you will understand the mechanics. I'll use my mind and body as an energy catalyst to readjust Hawke's memories, in a sense. I'll take all the energy from her memories she cannot access at this point, and then redeposit them the way they were meant to be. It's similar to a one-way energy transferral as I will block off my own energies and memories from passing to her."

Bethany sat in silence as she pondered what that meant.

"But, you'll be able to see all of her memories, won't you?"

Fenris looked up in slight alarm.

"Yes..." Anders said quietly. "But, I will be respectful and discreet in every way possible so as not to violate her privacy, of course. Memories, for the most part, only have meaning to the person who possesses them originally."

Anders disappeared into the back room once again, with the door opened slightly to allow fresh air to flow through.

The women began to talk amongst themselves quietly, but Fenris didn't want to be distracted by polite conversation. He strained his eyes and his ears to gather as much as he could about what was happening in the next room. He could not make out what was said, but he saw Anders speaking with Hawke, nodding as he placed his hand on top of hers. Fenris clenched his fist.

_Is that the only thing that he wishes to get out of this, her good graces? Despicable..._

Watching once again, he saw Hawke lying down, most of her body now out of eyesight. Anders, however, could be seen clearly, running his staff in a large arch over his own body as he mouthed words Fenris could not discern. Whatever he said must have had the desired effect, because the mage was soon bubbled in a green-ish blue light similar to a colored barrier. He saw Anders place his hands on either side of Hawke's face, and touched his forehead to hers while still speaking in a hushed voice. The point where their heads touched pulsated green, and Hawke closed her eyes as if in a deep slumber.

"That's how the transfer works..."

Fenris was startled out of his angry brooding by Bethany who was looking at his expression in earnest.

"I do not wish to know how magic works, just as I would not wish to know how a snake's venom kills its prey."

Bethany smiled. She lowered her voice so her mother wouldn't hear.

"There's nothing intimate about the contact, trust me. It _is_ rather charming to see you a bit jealous over my sister, though..."

Fenris felt himself laugh nervously in response.

* * *

Several hours indeed passed, and the situation remained unchanged. The air was getting colder as the sun sank into the horizon, and the three companions waiting at the clinic began to feel anxious and uneasy. Sweat was pouring down Anders face, and Hawke remained still, but seemed to twitch every once in awhile. Leandra sat staring into nothingness while she held her daughter's hand and rested her head on her shoulder. Bethany stroked her mother's hair to try and console her, but was feeling nauseous herself. Looking over at Fenris, Bethany saw his hands were folded together as he hunched over with his elbows on his knees. Mumbling softly under his breath with his eyes closed, Bethany guessed he must have been praying, but she didn't know who he'd pray to.

Everyone lurched forward abruptly, Leandra and Bethany nearly falling to the floor. The ground shook again, and a loud explosion hurt their ears as they tried to maintain their balance. They heard the sound of tables and chairs being blown, and glass shattering.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, I was so very careful!" Fenris heard Anders shouting in distress.

The elf burst through the door. He found Hawke and Anders on the opposite side of the room, covered in dust and sweat in a pile of broken table legs, torn books, and burnt papers. Anders was facing Hawke, and the both of them mumbled incoherently. Bethany and Leandra peered in on the scene.

Anders held Elanna's face in his hands and proceeded to stroke it as he examined her face.

"I'm so sorry, Hawke, it was not supposed to..."

Hawke was not looking at him, however. Her gaze was focused on something that seemed far away, and her eyes darted to the left and right as if she could not understand what she was seeing. They began to speak back and forth in rapid succession.

"My little girl," cried Leandra, "Did it work, is she cured-"

"The fire...your parents sent you away..." Hawke said in the common tongue, in a confused trance-like manner.

Anders' only answer was to repeat "I'm sorry." as he sat facing her.

"The Circle...at the Circle...how terrible..." She continued, seemingly unaware of everyone now in the room.

Bethany looked petrified, and Leandra looked confused. Fenris glowed from rage as he watched the mage continuing to caress her face tenderly.

"Yes it was..." They heard him reply. It was like watching Anders' life being told through Elanna's words.

"_Unwén_? Unwén..." She kept repeating as her eyes remained looking off into the distance.

"Yes, I'm right here," Anders said as he kissed her cheek.

The door to the clinic slammed shut.

"Grey Warden...darkspawn...Justice..." Hawke shuttered, but her eyes continued to watch his life unfold before her eyes. A look of fear and befuddlement washed over her expression, as her eyes began to settle and focus once again.

Hawke squinted her eyes as she looked at Anders.

"You..." She said slowly.

"You have so much _hate_, it's eating you alive, and it's Justice who feeds upon it..."

Anders took her hands in his, looking almost thrilled.

"But now you _understand_, now you see why I do what I must..."

Hawke withdrew her hands, looking upon him with distaste and disbelief.

"No...I saw your mind, and I feel for you, but that does not mean I _understand_ why..."

She felt people watching her and she looked up to see her mother and sister gaping wide-mouthed at her.

Hawke looked around the room somewhat urgently.

"Where is he?"

Although they understood her, they didn't answer.

"Where's Fenris?" She repeated loudly.

Bethany and her mother finally looked toward the door.

Her heart dropped to her feet.

_If he saw what I think he saw then he'll think..._

Untangling herself from Anders, Hawke nearly leapt towards to the clinic's exit, jumping into the alleyway. A few stray animals were digging in a nearby trash heap, and a stall owner shooed them away before they had a chance to grab at his goods for sale.

Her chest began to tighten as she looked down the long narrow path in front of her.

"Once a wild dog, always a wild dog." Anders said in a low voice. He put a hand gently on Hawke's shoulder as he tried to bring her back inside of the clinic.

Wincing from the contact, she kept her eyes fixed on the alley.

Fenris was nowhere to be seen.


	17. Chapter 17: Third Time's a Charm

**Welcome! I dedicate this chapter to all of my faithful readers who always make my day with their comments on the story so far, and a special shout-out to Apollo Wings (here are noms for you! ^.^)**

**Chapter Song: "Miss You" by Tentemoller (mood music)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Did you find him?"

Bethany waved her staff, causing her snow-ladened clothes to dry and warm up simultaneously.

She shook her head.

"No, I've checked everywhere I can think of, Lanni- - -our house, his mansion, Hightown, Lowtown, even the Wounded Coast. We couldn't find him anywhere."

Hawke tried to get up from the bed she had been resting on, and Anders came quickly to her aid.

"Careful now," he said quietly as he tried to steady her with his hands.

"I'm not made of glass, Anders."

Hawke regretted how harshly she spoke as soon as she opened her mouth. Anders looked down, dejected. Bethany pretended to polish her mage's staff meticulously as she went to sit away from them.

"I'm only trying to help you, Hawke, if you'll let me..."

She looked up at the man by her side. His honey-brown eyes were filled with concern, and his face looked worn and tired.

Anders smiled when he saw Elanna's eyes soften in his direction.

"I know..."

Hawke swiftly looked away. She knew Anders would be staring at her, wisps of his hair falling to frame his face as tried to look at her. She knew he wanted to gaze into her eyes, partly from desire, and partly from a morbid curiosity about how the magic was performed on her.

Bethany cleared her throat loudly.

"My mother and I are really grateful for everything you have done for us," she said as she walked over to meet her sister again.

There was a warmth in her eyes that carried on to her voice as she continued, "Maybe Elanna and I should go home for the evening, and get some rest. It's been a long day..."

"Thanks, Sis," Hawke whispered. Bethany winked back.

Anders walked towards a wall lined with shelves. He spoke hesitantly and soft as he took vials down, and placed them on a table.

"You go on ahead, Bethany, I'll take Hawke back home myself. I just need to get some things ready about the spell we just went through to send back with your sister."

Bethany looked at Elanna for her reaction, and when she nodded, Bethany said her goodbyes and left.

Anders turned back to face Hawke as she stood by one of the small, grimy windows.

"I need to get back, otherwise we'll be snowed in the clinic," Hawke said, mostly to herself.

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

Hawke tilted her head to look over her shoulder, but didn't answer. She could see him closing the gap between them, the heat from his body warming her skin.

"Justice doesn't like it when you flirt with me like that, and neither does..." Hawke's voiced trailed off.

Anders went to put a hand on her shoulder, but Hawke moved away suddenly.

"Hawke, about what happened..."

"I don't wanna' talk about it," she blurted as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"But, you must have questions... questions about my past..." Anders stepped closer to her again.

Hawke heard the pleading earnestness in his voice. She still didn't want to face him, however.

"I've seen all I need to know about your past... about what drives you. Don't worry, you won't need me to spill your secrets for everyone to find them out eventually."

The pause that filled with room was thick and uncomfortable.

His voice was a whisper on her neck.

"I thought that, with Justice...part of my life would have to be sealed away forever because no one would be able to know the whole story of my life..." ,

He sighed loudly when Hawke refused to answer.

"Hawke, please," he said, twirling her around to face him directly.

Anders held her shoulders gently as he spoke again.

"You must have seen it..._felt_ it, rather... my more recent memories..."

Hawke looked up, and her eyes filled with pain and sadness as she studied Anders. The mage took her silence as a sign to continue.

"My feelings for you are now coursing through your own mind and body. Do you deny it?"

"No..." Hawke breathed, suddenly becoming short of breath.

"Then why are you denying yourself the opportunity of being with someone who's more like...well more like yourself."

The look of utter surprise on her face forced Anders to explain himself.

"Look at him, Hawke. He is an escaped elf-slave living in a borrowed mansion. What kind of life could he possibly give to someone like yourself? You deserve so much better than that."

He was taken aback when her eyes flashed momentarily.

"You have no right to tell me what I 'deserve'," Hawke paused briefly. "Maybe I should go looking for him...explain at least some part of what happened..."

Anders sneered openly at her comment.

"Face it, Hawke, I hate to break it to you, but have you thought about the fact that Fenris may _not_ come back?"

"If you're done 'getting ready', I'd prefer we start heading towards my uncle's house before it gets any darker."

Anders sighed, and wondered if he ever would be able to reach the beautiful woman on the same level she had stirred his heart.

* * *

Elanna slept badly. Bethany stayed by her sister's side, and cast a sleeping spell on her. Unfortunately for Hawke, her nightmares were in full force, causing her random fits of tossing and turning throughout the night:

_The face of a weathered man snarled at her as he beckoned her to join him. He had no torso, legs or arms- - - only a face staring back at her. Hawke tried to refuse, but her feet carried her toward the man._

_You're mine...and you'll always be mine. Otherwise...otherwise, he dies._

_The face laughed, and Elanna could see the large gaping hole where its mouth was getting bigger and bigger. She screamed, but her voice would not work. As the face remained laughing (or mocking her fear, Elanna couldn't tell), it's eyes gradually became red and bloodshot. Elanna tried to close her own eyes, but even that was not working in this dream. Blood pulsed out of the man's large eyes, and began to drip generously onto the floor at Hawke's feet. She looked down, and noticed her own hands covered in blood._

"Lanni, wake up, you're having a nightmare..."

Hawke opened her eyes, and felt her sister shaking her.

"Ow, stop it, Bethany, that stings..." Hawke croaked. She put her hand up to her throat to massage it.

"I'm sorry, Sister," Bethany hurried to say when she saw Elanna opening and closing her mouth as if trying to stretch out her jaw.

"When I couldn't wake you from your dream, I put a dampening spell on your voice so we wouldn't have another run-in with Uncle like last time..."

Bethany's eyes were round with worry and guilt, but Hawke waved her hand.

"It's all right, Bethany. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be chased out of the house again..."

Elanna looked down, and studied her marked hands as she fell silent once more. Bethany reached out to hold her sister's hand, but changed her mind and let her hand drop by Hawke's side.

"Let's just try and get some sleep, okay?"

Hawke turned away from her sister, and shut her eyes. Soon, she heard Bethany's breathing begin to slow as sleep overtook her. Taking the small blanket and curling it up underneath her chin, Elanna knew she would not get any sleep that night.

* * *

The next day, the postman stopped by Gamlen's house on his usual route through Lowtown. Leandra rushed to answer the door, careful not to wake neither Bethany, nor Elanna. A few hours passed, and it was soon late in the morning. The girls finally woke up, and found their mother mending Bethany's mage robes, and tending to a weak fire.

"Anders came by this morning. I told him you were sleeping," her mother addressed Hawke softly.

"Anyone else, Mother?" Hawke replied, allowing herself more hope than she knew to be wise.

Her mother's hands stopped moving as she brought the fabric down to rest on her lap.

"No...no I'm sorry, Elanna."

"It's alright, I wasn't expecting anyone, anyway," Hawke said rather cheerfully as she took a bite out of an apple. She glanced over at her sister.

"And don't look at me like that, Bethany, I'm fine."

* * *

**-Day 2-**

Leandra opened the door to her eldest daughter's room. It was dinner time, and she placed a plate of steaming vegetables and salted meats at the small writing desk at the corner of the room. Her daughter hadn't spoken to anyone that day, let alone eat a meal, and when Leandra checked on her again at midnight, the food remained completely untouched.

* * *

**-Day 3-**

Bethany watched as her sister dragged herself out of bed in the morning, going into the bathing area to clean off. It pained her to see her just sitting there for spans of time, looking off into the distance, or staring blankly down at her hands. Worse still was watching Elanna plaster a fake smile to make small talk with their mother.

"I'm fine, really fine actually," was the only answer she could get out of Hawke whenever she would ask about the missing elf.

* * *

**-Day 4-**

No amount of crude jokes or classless flirting could bring a smile to Hawke's face, and that concerned Varric (not that he showed it, of course). He set off again, promising to search for Fenris in case he was injured somewhere without aid or help.

* * *

**-Day 5-**

Merrill thought that an indoor picnic would brighten her friend's outlook, and so she took it upon herself to bring food and drinks to Hawke's uncle's house. It began to snow harder than it had in the last few days, but at least Hawke smiled when she saw the strawberries Merrill had bought her.

* * *

**-Day 6-**

Hawke made her way to the door, but her mother stopped her.

"You can't go out there now," Leandra protested, coming between her daughter and the doorway.

"You'll freeze! I'm glad you want to go outside, but the weather's too bad right now. Why don't you just stay inside and practice your harp for a while?"

Elanna's eyes darkened as Leandra realized what she had said. With any physical contact causing her daughter pain, why wouldn't playing a harp be any different?

Hawke side-stepped her mother quickly and said, "If I'm going to get your house back, Mother, I need to build up my strength and stamina again."

Hawke grabbed her sister's hand and ran out of the house before she could protest any further.

"Bethany, I need you to use your ice spells to build me some practice dummies...I'll go get my weapons, and we'll meet behind the courtyard of Fenri- - the old mansion in Hightown."

The ice sculptures were conjured easily, and within minutes, Hawke was surrounded by minions waiting to have their bodies smashed in. Bethany retreated back home, scolding her sister for doing something so haphazard so soon, but she knew better than to push her sister to do something she didn't want to.

* * *

Hawke tried gripping her rogue's blade, but dropped it almost as soon as her grip tightened.

"Shit," she hissed as she angrily kicked at the snow around her. She had been at it for an hour, and had not even managed to grip her weapons correctly without her markings burning her with pain.

"Maybe it's just like Fenris said..."

"What about me, Hawke?"

Her heart stopped.

"I'm hearing things," Elanna said loudly as she rubbed her cold hands together. "Must be the wind playing tricks on me."

"I am no trick, Hawke, I am standing right behind you."

Elanna turned around, and her breath was caught in her chest. She fought the urge to run into the arms of the elf standing under the main awning of the mansion. She took in the sight of him: his silver hair, lyrium scars, and his full battle armor. It also didn't escape her notice that sweat glistened off of his tanned skin, and smudges of dirt were splattered across his face and body. There were small tears in his clothes, and his left hand looked like it had been scratched. Hawke's lips turned downward in confusion.

"Fenris, are you...are you okay?"

"I talked to your sister," he said tersely, walking toward her and completely ignoring Elanna's question.

"If you believe me to have taken you in from pity and guilt, you would not be mistakened."

Hawke's heart sank, but she inhaled deeply. The smell of leather, mint, and Fenris's natural scent comforted her as well as made her fidgety. Hawke prayed that Fenris was only speaking to her in such a manner due to the cold weather, and not due to something she wished she could forget.

Fenris spoke to her again, using the common tongue of Kirkwall.

"What are you doing here?"

The question made Elanna squirm even more. His piercing stare seemed to bore into her.

"I just don't want you..._anyone_...thinking I'm weak, Fenris..." Elanna said as she distracted herself by poking the nearest ice sculpture in the eyeball.

She glanced back up at Fenris as he spoke to her.

"I can not speak for the others, but weak is not something that comes to my mind when I think of you."

His eyes were set and his face was emotionless. He looked terrifying, and Hawke averted her gaze. Fenris looked down to see her hands and feet were both bare.

"My feet and hands don't hurt as much to use if they're numbed by the cold..." Elanna mumbled swiftly, aware of where his eyes had inevitably traveled.

Fenris scanned the courtyard and saw her rogue's weapons scattered around the area. He picked up a small practice blade, and approached Hawke. Coming behind her, Fenris placed the wooden practice blade in Hawke's hands, with his hands firmly on top to hold her stance in place. The carved grip of the sword dug into the grooves of Hawke's lyrium markings from the pressure, and she bit her tongue.

She tried to take her hands away from his tight grip, but Fenris was unrelenting. Bending her knees as if to escape the pain, Hawke sank lower and lower to the ground, squirming to rid herself from the shooting agony that pierced through her body as her hold on the blade was tightened. Fenris sank with her, his voice clear and crisp in her ears.

"Do not let the pain overwhelm you."

Hawke started to call out in pain, but Fenris stopped her.

"No, do not scream, do not even exhale in pain. Bring all of that energy back into your body instead of releasing it audibly."

Hawke nodded, and tried to swallow the urge to yell or whimper.

"You are not the pain. It does not control you. _You_ are in control. Repeat it."

Hawke inhaled, her breath shaky and uneven.

"I am...am not the p-pain. It does not control me..."

Fenris moved Hawke's arms in a fighting stance, and slowly enacted one of her slashing moves while still guiding her hands. Her body screamed its resistance as Fenris forced her to move as a fighter would during a duel. Her pain was also coursing through Fenris's veins, an intense electric current that he found hard to push aside.

_She has got to learn...she has got to master this power we share..._

"If you're feeling what I'm feeling, this must hurt for you, too."

"My feelings are none of your concern right now."

His words were harsh, but they were free from anger, or so Hawke hoped.

"Now, listen to me," Fenris said gruffly, coming around from behind Hawke to stand by her right side. Hawke immediately got uneasy.

"Concentrate the activated lyrium coursing through your body down your arms and into your hands."

Hawke looked puzzled.

"But, it only flickers unless I'm really mad or something..."

"Activate it on purpose then," the elf said simply.

Hawke closed her eyes and tried to focus her thoughts, but her body merely flickered and stopped. Fenris watched her intently before he finally spoke.

"Remember this feeling, and replicate it through memory."

He suddenly gripped Hawke's right shoulder with both of his strong hands and raked them down her arm forcefully, stopping at her hand. It was as if he had lit a match: her hand holding the practice sword was engulfed in bright, glowing, white light. The pain was also concentrated in her hand, but it was much more manageable than having her whole body activated. Hawke laughed happily.

"It worked!"

Her eyes shined as she moved the shimmering sword down in front of her with more force than she ever had before. Elanna twisted the blade back and forth, the white glow of her lyrium blazing brighter than the snowfall.

_I can't believe it...this is amazing..._

"A week of training with your lyrium like this, and you will be ready for the Deep Roads."

Elanna's concentration broke, and her body ceased to glow. In its place, a soreness crept into her muscles and spread.

"Fenris..." Elanna called out to him before he could walk back towards his mansion.

He waited in front of her. Hawke scrambled for something to say, when a flash of color caught her eye.

"So _that's_ where my hair cloth went!"

He smirked.

"In case you need one on the trip, I'll have your spare ready."

Fenris saw her trying to hide an excited smile.

"Hmph, who says you're coming?"

"You're going, correct?" Fenris said, flexing his hands in the cold nonchalantly.

"What kind of question is that? Of course_ I'm_ going! I wouldn't miss this expedition even if my life depended upon it!"

Tightening Hawke's red hair cloth around his wrist once more, Fenris began walking back toward the mansion. He did not turn back to look at Hawke as she watched him from underneath the central awning.

"That's all I need to know..."

Just as Hawke was about turn around and go home herself, she spotted something being flung in her direction. She caught it effortlessly with one hand, glad to see some of her faculties returning to normal.

"A key? To what?"

"You will find out, I have no doubt about that," Fenris began, still not looking back at Hawke.

"I'll be at the Hanged Man this evening should you require my assistance."

Fenris closed the door to his mansion quietly, leaving Hawke with a key, a blade, and a befuddled look on her face.


	18. Chapter 18: Frozen

**Welcome to Chapter 18! I was inspired to write this chapter after watching the God of War: Ascension trailer. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Chapter Song: Hanging On (Without Tinie Tempah) By: Ellie Goulding **

* * *

"A human?! Why you stupid, nug-humping dirt farmer! Why'd you go promising a human something like that?"

Hawke tried to stifle a laugh that instead came out like a snort. The dwarves couldn't be any more different from each other. Varric had dragged her out to meet Bartrand not soon after he had heard Fenris had returned to Kirkwall.

"Now would be as good a time as any to get this show on the road!" Verric had exclaimed happily as they had roamed the streets that afternoon.

Hawke tried to remain straight faced as she watched them.

"Because, Brother," Varric said smoothly as he gestured to Hawke with a smile.

"If we don't get this expedition off and running, we won't have any profits to argue about, will we?"

"Maybe ya' got a point there," the bearded dwarf replied, still not fully convinced.

Beady, watery, blue eyes glanced over to Hawke's direction as Bartrand examined her. Tracing the marks on her body, he shuddered.

"Ugh, where do you find these people?" Bartrand shook his head emphatically, causing the braids in his beard to swing around in irritation. "Never mind I asked. You got the coin we need?"

This was Hawke's cue to produce a small leather pouch. She handed it to the dwarf who now looked exceedingly astonished.

"Not bad for a human, eh Brother?"

Hawke looked down at Bartrand, extending her hand with what she hoped was a sly smile.

"So, we're partners?"

"Alright, Partner, you got a deal," the dwarf said shaking her hand roughly.

"But, don't expect me to pick up your slack if you fall behind."

"Great, glad that's settled. How about we go and break the news to the rest of the gang?" Varric said as he began the trek over to the Hanged Man.

Within a few strides, Hawke was well ahead of Varric, the eagerness of meeting with her friends quickening her steps.

* * *

Varric burst through the doors to the Hanged Man, and found their companions sitting at a table in the back.

"And, it's on...the make it or break it journey that'll go down in history for ages to come is finally happening. Yes, dear friends, I speak of the infamous Deep Roads Expedition!"

Isabela slammed a card down, and pocketed the small pile of gold on the table.

"All's well that ends well!" She laughed as she turned to greet Varric.

Hawke watched Fenris whose eyes still seemed fixed on his hand of cards.

"Excellent, Hawke!" Anders gushed as he got up, and approached Hawke.

Her eyes finally tore away from the frown that was beginning to form on the elf's face and refocused her gaze on the mage in front of her.

Anders bowed deeply as he continued, "Although you know my feelings for the Deep Roads, you can be assured that I will be right by your side should you need me. My healing powers are yours to command."

"Thanks, Anders, that means a lot to me coming from you. I know your first wish in the world would be to never go back to that blighted place."

Hawke almost missed the small smile Anders gave her in return.

"No, my first wish is one of a very different nature..."

Fenris laughed quietly, but it was enough to make Anders flush. His eyes hardened at the elf who was watching the exchange from his seat.

"And what about _you_, Elf? I don't see you offering your services to Hawke for the trip..." Anders spat angrily.

Fenris laid the queen of diamonds beside a king before answering.

"I do not need public theatrics for Hawke to know I will accompany her wherever she goes."

Ander's flush deepened, and he opened his mouth, but Isabela beat him to it.

"Honestly, what's a woman to do with the two of you acting like rabid dogs every time you meet?"

Fenris looked away, and Anders mumbled what sounded like an apology.

"If I were you, Love," Isabela said as she faced Hawke. "I'd not let men like that on my ship until they learned that you're the captain, and they'd better get along,"

Hawke laughed unnaturally.

"Captain of my ship? Right..."

Fenris cleared his throat, and Hawke looked over Isabela's shoulder to where the elf was playing a solitary card game at the table.

"How is your training coming along?"

"Ah, I meant to talk to you about that, Fenris," Hawke began, but Anders found his voice again.

"Always work with you, isn't it? Right now is a time for celebrating, and all you want to do is talk about her _training_?"

Fenris placed an ace of hearts on the top part of the table as he continued with his card game.

"Anders, please..." Hawke said, looking somewhat alarmed at how ruffled the mage had become.

He stared at Fenris for a moment, and then sighed when the elf showed no interest in responding.

"He just doesn't know how to treat a friend, let alone a woman, I suppose..." Anders muttered bitterly.

He led Hawke and Isabela away from Varric and Fenris.

"C'mon, Ladies, I'll buy dinner and drinks tonight."

"Can't say no to a free meal," Isabela replied as she put an arm around Anders.

* * *

**-Fenris-**

Fenris watched as the abomination led Hawke and Isabela away from the table where he sat. He breathed deeply, suppressing the emotion that would send his eyes and body glowing. Hawke back in his direction, her eyes filled with concern.

_Wretched abomination! First, he tried to put himself forward when Elanna had lost her memory, and now...ever since his blighted magic bought her memory back, the abomination acts as if it were his right to be with her still..._

Curling the cards in his hands from his tight grip, he felt the warm sensation of anger simmering in the pit of his stomach as he sat watching the mage. Anders waved his hand, and proceeded to pull out a gold coin from Hawke's ear. Isabela clapped her hands in applause.

Varric sat next to Fenris, remaining silent as he meticulously polished Bianca.

Fenris rubbed his temples with his hand, his eyes focused unseeingly on the table.

_Is what he said true, though? Does she not possess the memories she had after her lyrium ritual? If that is the case, then..._

The nights spent in each other's arms flashed before his mind's eye. He shook his head. He should be happy that Hawke remembered her family, happy she was becoming her old self again, and happy that she spoke her native language. He should be overjoyed seeing her quick wit and sarcastic remarks returning. He should be happy now, shouldn't he?

"I've had enough excitement for one night," Fenris told Varric as he abruptly got up from the table and walked to the exit door.

"Whatever you do, Elf, don't leave for too long this time..."

Fenris paused.

"And what does that mean?"

The dwarf wasn't smiling this time as he put away his cleaning cloth.

"It's the first time I've seen her really smile in a week, and I don't think it's from the upcoming trip..."

Fenris looked back to see Hawke sitting at the bar area twirling the large key he had given her the other day. When their eyes met, she seemed surprised to see him standing to leave. But, Fenris didn't wait to see her reaction.

"It was for a good purpose."

The door closed behind him without a sound.

* * *

A blast of cold, winter air revived Fenris as he walked outside the pub. Flexing his shoulders, he stretched out his fingers and sighed. Slouching, the elf walked toward his old mansion, a plethora of thoughts making it difficult for him to concentrate. Although the ground and any puddle of water on the street was frozen solid, at least it wasn't snowing.

"Fenris," a soft voice called out behind him.

He didn't have to turn around to know it was Hawke who had followed him. Catching up with him easily, she stopped beside the elf. He turned to look at her. Hawke kept pressing the inside of her palm where the lyrium markings were etched as if she were hesitant about saying something.

"Fenris, I'm...I'm glad you've returned..." Hawke finally said, barely above a whisper.

Hawke fidgeted and kept looking over her shoulder. Oddly, she didn't continue, so Fenris took her by the hand, feeling an immediate nausea overwhelm his body as their lyrium reacted. Instantly, his mind cleared as he stared at her.

"What has you so," Fenris closed his eyes while he looked for a word to describe the overpowering emotions that coursed through his veins.

"Terrified..."

He saw Hawke inhale unevenly, as if speaking was suddenly difficult for her. The words spilled out of her in a jumble.

"Maybe it means nothing, I am most likely just a bit tired, really..."

"Tell me."

* * *

**-Hawke-**

It wasn't like Hawke to be so jumpy, not in this way at least. It was only after studying her face in the early moonlight that Fenris could see how strained and anxious she looked.

"Every day since you left, Fenris," Hawke said, rubbing her arm nervously.

"I've been having- - -"

Elanna began to cough, covering her mouth with the inside of her arm. Fenris placed a hand on her back, unsure of what to say or do. She finally collected herself, and tried again.

"It's like...every time I- - -"

A fit of coughing erupted again, this time more violent than the last. Hawke stumbled as she wrapped her arms around her neck as she tried to stop coughing.

**_I don't think so, my darling..._**

Her eyes widened.

"Elanna, what's the matter?" Fenris's voice sounded distant and unclear although he was right next to her.

**_We mustn't let my Fenris know of our little...nightly meetings now, can we? Wouldn't want him to get any ideas..._**

The voice inside her head was not her own. She felt invisible hands squeezing her neck as she tried to breathe. Within a moment, the pressure seised, and Hawke regained her senses.

"We need to get you in front of a fire," She heard Fenris say as he put his arm around her waist to support her.

"The cold air might be getting you sick."

Hawke leaned into Fenris's warm hands as he led her to his mansion in Hightown.

* * *

"Here, drink this," Fenris handed Hawke a glass filled with steaming water with a green herb floating at the top.

Elanna gingerly took the hot drink in her hands, and sipped it. She crinkled her nose which made Fenris smile.

"It is bitter, I know, but it will ease your cough."

"What is this stuff?" Hawke asked as she took drank slowly. "I don't think I've ever had any herbs like this before..."

"Royal Elfroot," Fenris said, encouraging the fire in the hearth with his sword.

"Putting the root in steaming water is supposed to alleviate symptoms from a common cold."

"If that's what is really wrong with me..."

The crackling fire echoed like a lonely song in the big mansion.

"Hawke, what is on your mind? Clearly, something is bothering you..." Fenris said as he gazed into Hawke's face once again.

"I really should get going back home, the moon's already high, and I'd hate to overstay my welcome..."

Fenris blinked back his surprise.

_Go...back? She really doesn't remember staying here, then does she..._

"I shall see you tomorrow?" Fenris asked quietly.

Another flicker of fear crossed her eyes as Hawke hurriedly got up.

"Perhaps..."

"I will be looking for more Elfroot tomorrow near Sundermount if you require my assistance with anything."

Hawke opened her mouth as if to say something, but changed her mind, and rushed out of the mansion.

* * *

**-Fenris-**

Fenris walked out of his mansion the next morning, headed for Sundermount. His large greatsword and armor provided a comforting weight to his body as he ghosted out of Hightown. Scanning the horizon, his warm breath was visible in the morning cold.

"There it is," he said to himself as he plowed his way through the wet snow to the bottom of a small valley.

The air stung his lungs with every breath, and it was unusually windy. That didn't seem to bother Fenris, though it did make it a bit difficult to see where he was going with his hair whipping in front of his face all of the time. He was out in search of Royal Elfroot to collect for the journey into the Deep Roads.

Looking back up from the bottom of the valley, Fenris could barely make out the main path he had been walking on when he exited town. It had taken him nearly a quarter of an hour to get to where he needed to be, so he hoped the trip wouldn't be in vain.

According to Varric, there were patches of Royal Elfroot to be found in the stone caves that littered the valley.

_This better be worth it..._

By now, his bare feet were numb from walking through the thick layer of snow. The only sound coming through to Fenris's ears was the noise of the snow crunching underneath his feet. He walked closer to the entrance of the cave, seeing the brown earth peaking out from the inside. The wind howled, and Fenris scoped out the area once again for enemies before venturing any closer. Standing up on the path he had just descended from, he saw her.

* * *

**-Hawke-**

_I was overreacting last night...stuff like that doesn't just happen._

Hawke had practically run out of her uncle's house that morning in an effort to find Fenris. It was silly, after all, to be afraid of a cough and a few bad dreams.

_Maybe the fresh air will do me some good...ugh, I wish it wasn't so blighted windy, though..._

Jogging over to Sundermount where Fenris had told her he'd be, Hawke had every intention of helping him look for whatever supplies they'd need.

The road she took sloped sharply downward and turned into a valley.

_That's strange_, Hawke thought as she noticed the trail of footprints in the snow. _Why would anyone be heading down the valley to the lakes when the ground is covered in snow? There's no telling where the ground ends and the lakes begin- - -_

Her breath was caught in her chest: the tanned skin, the white hair, the weapon as big as his body- - - there was no mistaking it. The wind blew harshly, causing Hawke to cling to her cloak. Just as she was about to yell, Fenris turned around and spotted her up on the ledge some distance from him.

Their eyes met just as the ice underneath the elf's feet gave way, plunging him into icy water.

A strangled, gurgled yell was the last thing Hawke heard before Fenris disappeared from the surface.


	19. Chapter 19: Bittersweet Mind Games (p1)

**Welcome to chapter 19! There's a lot going on in this scene, so I've split it up into two parts. **

**Warning: Strong language**

**Chapter Song: Au Revoir by OneRepublic**

**A/N: "Paccipita" is a play on the Latin word for "hawke", ****_accipiter_**

* * *

"Fenris!"

Hawke scrambled as fast she could to reach the valley, but her foot caught a hidden root and she toppled head over feet. Lurching forward, Hawke tumbled down, grasping at anything that may help her regain balance, but to no avail. Finally hitting a small tree with a thud, Hawke clawed her way over to where Fenris had fallen.

_**What a pity, what a shame... what are the odds of such "accidents" happening, hmm, my Love?**_

Elanna tried to ignore the humming in her mind, the soft burn that made her think, _**what a pity...what a pity...**_

_Shut up...just shut up..._ she thought in an effort to rid herself of the thoughts that were not her own.

Reaching the large hole, Hawke hooked the elf by the arms and threw herself back in an attempt to get Fenris on dry land. Maybe it was the adrenaline pumping through her veins, or maybe it was divine intervention, but whatever it was, Hawke was able to heave the tall elf onto a firm spot. She rolled him over on his back.

"Don't be dead, don't be dead..." Hawke said as she smoothed the shock white hair plastered to Fenris's face as she examined him.

His eyes were closed, and his face paled, and he was not breathing. Elanna froze for a moment, fear consuming her, but she snapped out of it. Hurriedly, she stripped Fenris of his chest armor (which was surprisingly easy). Skin bare in the mid-morning light, the elf's lyrium gleamed in the sun, running along the sides of his body and past his hips. Performing the technique her father taught her in case of emergencies, Hawke pressed down on Fenris's chest repeatedly, trying to get his heart to work again. She then tilted his head back, and hesitated before putting her mouth to his. She blew air into him, forcing his lungs to inflate.

Fenris reacted, and began sputtering up water as he gasped for air. When his vision cleared, he could see Hawke gazing at him with worry.

"I...fell..." he managed to say as he continued to cough up water.

She slapped his face suddenly.

"Stupid, stupid elf! What were you thinking?! I could have lost you!"

Elanna then wrapped her arms around Fenris in a tight hug as they sat in the middle of the snow. Fenris was drenched to the bone and shivering from the cold, but he returned her embrace wholeheartedly.

Fenris laughed weakly.

"What is it with you Hawke women and slapping men?"

Elanna rubbed her eyes with a laugh as she held him close to her.

"You mean Bethany? She learned that from me, sorry," Hawke said sheepishly. Since regaining her language skills, her sister had confessed that she slapped the Tevinter elf before when she had gotten angry with him.

**_It's your fault, you know..._**

Fenris felt her stiffen, and saw her lyrium flash momentarily that sent a surge something so cold it burned. The smile was wiped off of her face.

**If you would just be a good little Paccipita, then these "accidents" wouldn't happen.**

"Hawke, I am alive, there is no more more need for alarm," Fenris said softly, interpreting the feeling that surged through her markings and into his.

He felt her move abruptly away, and when he tried to reach out to her, the fearful look on her face was obvious. It was like she couldn't get away from him fast enough.

"Yes! I mean no, I mean..."

Hawke's breath was becoming quick and erratic. She did not look at him again, but took off back in the direction of Lowtown, leaving Fenris confused and concerned.

_Strange behavior... but why?_

* * *

Elanna ran all the way back to Gamlen's house, and shut herself in her room. Her hair was tousled and flying in every direction, springing free from her braid. She walked over to the spigot that she and Bethany use to wash their faces in the morning. She splashed cold water on herself. A few minutes later, a hard knock echoed throughout the small house. When Hawke opened the door, she found Fenris staring down at her.

"I never got a chance to properly thank you for what happened earlier," he said with a slight bow. His hair was still damp, and he smelled of mint and leather. Hawke felt her muscles relax.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

Fenris peered behind Hawke and into the small living quarters of her uncle's shack. He spotted a large chest, and a smile spread across his face.

"I see you have not figured out what my key is for, correct?"

Hawke felt herself laugh in surprise.

"Oh right, the key," she said as she pulled it out of her pocket.

"Nope, no luck, yet. Care to give me any hints?" She smiled flirtatiously at Fenris as she could see his face starting to turn pink.

**_By this rate, he'll be dead by morning, Love..._**

In an instant, Hawke's demeanor changed to one of nervousness once again. Elanna grit her teeth.

"I think you'd better leave...now."

The elf remained by her side. Hawke could feel the bile rising into her throat as she walked further into the house as if she was going to slam the door in Fenris's face. The elf followed her with his eyes, watching her every move.

Elanna spun around, her expression torn with a frown and a look of desperation that wavered in her eyes.

"Hawke?"

Fenris stepped closer to her, and Elanna felt the urge to just let him hold her. Maybe she could somehow communicate with him about what was going on. Her voice sounded choked when she addressed him again.

"Da...Dan- - -"

She felt a blow to the back of the head which caused Fenris to inadvertently catch her in his arms as she fell forward.

**_Now don't make me break that pretty little neck of yours by accident, Love. If you make me mad, I'll just kill him for fun, and add some more lyrium to your own design myself after I rip it off of his flesh._**

Hawke shrieked, and pushed the elf away.

"No, don't!"

Fenris looked startled, but still refused to move.

"Didn't you hear what I said?!" She tried pushing him as hard as she could, but Fenris blocked her without much effort.

"You are shaking, Hawke," Fenris stated, and then winced as he pulled his hand back. "And, your lyrium is white hot..."

Elanna could see Fenris thinking, wondering what this was all about.

**_Tick-tock, Love..._**

She nearly whimpered in scared impatience.

"If you...If you don't leave right this instant...so help me, Maker, I will _force_ you to leave."

Fenris's eyes widened slightly, and then he looked away, rolling his shoulders until they slumped again. It was a long time before he said anything, and the wait was unbearable for Hawke.

"I have sworn to protect you, Hawke. That will never change."

Looking at her again, he shook his head.

_Something is certainly not right..._

"Just leave me be, Fenris," Hawke answered as she nearly pushed him out of the doorway.

"Very well, I shall go for now. But, I will be there for you if you need me."

Hawke watched him leave her uncle's house, defeated.

"I know...too bad I need you now, Fenris..." she whispered as she shut the door behind her.

* * *

Later that day, Hawke sat near the window in the small room she shared with her sister. Elanna had the room to herself as Bethany had gone to the market with their mother. She had her journal on her lap, and a quill in another. Staring at the blank parchment, she placed the quill delicately on the page.

"Write it...just write it, Elanna. You can do it," she told herself.

If she wasn't able to tell anyone of her problems, maybe writing them down would get Hawke the help she so desperately desired.

_**Writing love letters to me already, my dear?**_

Elanna's quill snapped in two as she gripped it in her hand.

_Get the fuck out of my head, you sick bastard..._

Darnarius's voice echoed in her mind once again.

**_There's no use fighting it, for I will break you eventually. After that, you'll be more than happy to be call me "Master"..._**

Elanna stomped into the the main living area, intent on getting something to eat to distract her mind. Gamlen woke up in a huff as he lay drooling on a small cot in the corner of the room.

"Maker, Girl, could you be any more blighted loud?"

Hawke sighed loudly. This was not the time to be crossing her.

"I'll see what I can do," she snapped.

"Classless, rude...just like that lousy father of yours, and that knife-ear you're bedding."

"I'm not bedding anyone, but thanks _so_ much for your concern," Hawke mocked, placing her hand over her heart dramatically. Gamlen sat up with a start, leering at her.

Hawke narrowed her eyes at him.

"It's touching. Maybe I'll even write it in my journal you like to rummage through when you're trying to steal ale money."

"Take that back you little- - -"

Hawke wrote in the air with an invisible quill as she said, "Dear Diary: Today, Uncle Gamlen actually gave a shit. Maybe tomorrow, we can have a heart-to-heart about our hopes and dreams. Oh joy!"

Elanna stormed past Gamlen and got an apple from the small fruit bowl sitting on the kitchen counter, ignoring her uncle's angry grunts.

"Insolent, head-strong wench...I don't know how your mother puts up with your sass."

Hawke walked by her uncle again, hitting him abruptly with her shoulder as she past him. He stumbled back, and cursed under his breath.

"And I don't understand why my mother puts up with a no-good, sleazy, drunk like you at all. At least I'm decent enough to not gamble my family's home and reputation away. You make me sick."

She didn't have to linger in the room to know that her uncle was gaping at her in a semi-drunk stupor.

Hawke slammed the door to her room, and plopped down on the nearest chair.

**_You showed him, didn't you?_**

Elanna sneered as she stabbed into the apple she was about to devour.

_Yeah, finally put that ass in his place..._

**_Oh you strong, enticing woman...that's why I chose you to be mine._**

_Yours?_

Her heart fluttered.

She stopped, the knife slipping from her hand to drop onto the rotted wooden floor.

No, that can't be. Why would she feel giddy? No, there's got to be a mistake. Elanna threw herself on her cot, covered her face with a pillow and screamed. What in the Void was wrong with her?

* * *

A few hours passed, and Hawke heard her uncle leaving for his shift at the docks. Still consumed by her thoughts, Hawke stubbed her toe on a chest when she went to find some thread to mend one of Bethany's robes. She swore loudly as she looked at the large box sitting awkwardly in the middle of the room.

_I wonder what the that's for..._

As if in an answer to her thoughts, Leandra and Bethany creaked open the front door carrying the week's food supplies for the family. They had smiles on their faces, and Hawke did her best to plaster one on her own face.

"They had so many sales today, you should have come, Elanna, I'm sure you would have found something you would have liked."

Hawke quickly alleviated her mother of the bags she was carrying without answering, and set them down on the kitchen table gingerly. Bethany was quick to do the same with her own bags.

"What's up with that chest over there then, Mother?"

Leandra glanced over her shoulder to the chest her daughter pointed out.

"It's locked, I have no idea who it's from. There was a note attached to it when it was delivered, but there was only a paw print drawn on it. Do you have any idea what it could mean?"

Hawke pulled out the key Fenris gave her earlier.

"I think I may have a clue."


	20. Chapter 20: BSMG (part 2)

**Welcome to Part 2! **

**A/N: The 'happy song' Hawke mentions is "The Entertainer" piano piece, and I got the idea for part of the scene from the movie "Benny and Joon" **

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

* * *

Anders, Isabela, Fenris, and Varric were seated along two long benches separated by an equally long table at the Hanged Man. It was live music night, and the bar was filled with lively piano music from one talented bar maid. The door to the Hanged Man swung open.

"How did you...I mean, _what_ did you do?"

Fenris glanced up cautiously at the voice he knew belonged to Hawke. He relaxed however as he saw the look of bewilderment and happiness on her face. She was dressed in the set of red and black armor they had seen while wandering around Hightown the other week. The new weapons strapped along her back seemed to glow their thanks. Varric whistled as he looked at Hawke striding confidently to their table.

"My surprise is sufficient then?"

"Sufficient?" Hawke breathed. "Fenris, this is the best set of armor and weapons I have ever seen, let alone owned. But how did you do it?"

He merely smirked his reply. Fenris pushed himself up from the table, and began to walk in a tight, slow circle around Hawke, examining the fit of her armor. Coming back around to face her fully, he adjusted her spiked shoulder pads and nodded in approval.

"Any pain?"

"Exactly my point. Nothing. No pain at all. So, spill," Hawke said with a smile.

He stooped down to check the fit of her combat boots by pressing the tip of the shoe with his thumb and forefinger.

"I told you before that certain hides from particular animals do not cause us pain. I took it upon myself to hunt down such an animal, and then line your armor accordingly. That is why I was gone for a week."

Fenris stood up, and Hawke stepped forward as if to hug him, but took a few steps back in restraint. She cleared her throat nervously, and Fenris watched her with stern eyes.

_There it is again...that odd flash of her eyes and markings. The same thing that happened at Sundermount and at her home..._

Fenris tried to remain emotionless as he looked at her.

"Thank you very much for the armor, Fenris," Hawke said monotonously through clenched teeth and a tight jaw. Elanna moved away from Fenris, and stood next to Anders. He quickly made room for her, and gestured for her to take a seat.

Fenris saw her smile as she looked over the markings on her hands which were now covered with black gloves. She did not look at him again, but he could see she was struggling with something. Sadness, maybe? It was Anders, however, that addressed the elf.

"Well done, Fenris. Hawke will certainly need that if we are going to be fighting darkspawn all day."

Hawke looked up in pleasant surprise at Anders, and he winked at her before finishing the last of his pitcher of water.

"Broody, ya did good if I do say so myself," Varric chimed in as he gave the elf a thumb's up sign.

Fenris sat back down at the table next to Varric, his mood spoiling thanks to the abomination sitting entirely too close to Hawke.

"So now that Christmas is over, how about a game of Wicked Grace? You in, Elf?"

Maybe winning back the coin he lost from Isabella last time will make him feel better.

"As always."

* * *

Anders, meanwhile felt his eyes lingering on the expression on Hawke's face.

"Everything alright?" he whispered. His breath warmed her skin and tickled her ears.

"No."

"Anything I can say to make it better?"

"Doubtful," she mumbled.

Gesturing to a waitress as she passed by, Hawke saw Anders make the sign for the number 2 as he said something she couldn't hear.

Anders smiled brightly when he saw Hawke looking at him quizzingly.

"You said I couldn't say anything, but that doesn't mean I can't _do_ something to cheer you up."

"Elf...Elf it's your turn," Varric said, snapping his large hands in front of Fenris.

It made Fenris's skin crawl just looking at the mage as he shamelessly threw himself at Hawke.

"So, what are doing to make me feel better, if that's possible?" Hawke asked Anders, trying to appear as if nothing was bothering her.

"Food."

Hawke looked even more puzzled.

"Food?"

"I'll let you in on a secret," Anders whispered to Hawke once the waitress left.

Elanna arched an eyebrow in curious amusement as a smile peeked through her expression.

Spreading a cloth napkin across his lap, Anders continued, "I get so grumpy when I'm hungry, I can hardly stand myself."

Hawke smiled crookedly.

"Just don't put frog eyes in my hair like you did to Sophia just because she was your sparring partner the day you forgot your lunch that one time."

Anders laughed heartily.

"Oh, you're playing that game now, are you?" Anders said as he tugged Hawke's ear playfully.

Fenris mouthed the word "Sophia?" to Isabela who was also playing Wicked Grace with them. She shrugged in return, and Fenris felt the blood pounding in his ears as he watched them interact comfortably with one another.

Anders finally held back his laughing before continuing, "It's better than punching the first guy you kissed just because he startled you from behind your cousin's barn when you were 12."

Everyone had stopped playing Wicked Grace mid-deal.

"Well, didn't see this comin'," Fenris heard Varric whisper to the pirate beside him.

Elanna gasped in feigned offense at Anders's comment. She leaned into Anders as she tried to nudge him off of her side of the table.

"He came up behind me outa' nowhere, Anders. What was I supposed to do? Ram my tongue down his throat? Yeah right!"

Anders pushed her back softly, and Hawke repeated the motion.

Back and forth they went trying to nudge the other one off of the table until Hawke jabbed, "Don't make me rip the fur out of your cloak."

"No, not the cuddly fur!" Anders wailed in faked agony as he put his hands together in a begging motion. "Anything but that!"

They were interrupted by Isabella, "Is this a private conversation or can anyone join?"

Fenris was speechless. He wanted to think with all his heart that his eyes had learned how to lie to him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Rather, he didn't _want_ to believe that Hawke was finally starting to return Anders advances.

They laughed in unison before Anders answered, "Sorry, Isabela, Elanna's just reminding me of my younger days. And I had no choice, but to oblige her with some of her own days I bet she wishes I didn't know about."

Hawke stuck her tongue out at Anders which made him chuckle.

"Back up," Varric as he waved his hands in front of his face. "Just who is this Sophia girl?" Varric asked excitedly as he retrieved his large journal and a quill. "Tall, short? Elf? Human? Measurements would be a plus. Any little bit helps, after all."

"Anders doesn't kiss and tell, Varric," Hawke said as she made a face at the dwarf.

Everyone looked wide-eyed at the mage and the rogue: Anders poked Hawke in the ribs, and she tried to swat him away. Fenris stared tight-lipped at the pair sitting across the table from him, his heart pounding.

_Since when has Hawke been on such good terms with the abomination?_

When Hawke looked across the table, her heart sank as she saw the look on the elf's face. Hawke tried something she was sure confirmed the fact that she going mad.

_This is what you want, right?_

She was surprised when Danarius's voice answered her clearly.

**_More than I could have asked for, Love. Although, I honestly didn't think you had it in you to hurt my Fenris this badly. Bravo..._**

Hawke's smile dimmed once again, and she sighed in frustration. Fenris did not fail to see this, nor did he fail to see her body flash again. It was so quick he knew the others would not see it, though. Something was definitely going on, but part of him was afraid to find out what.

* * *

Just when Anders thought he had pulled Hawke out of her sadness, there it was again, etched across her face as she rested her head lightly on the palm of her hand. The waitress had bought two steaming plates of Ferelden beef stew complete with rice, vegetables and bread rolls, and everyone else at the table heard their own stomach growling as they looked at the food.

Hawke contemplated the plate in front of her while her thoughts drifted back to the events of the day. That had been too close of a call this morning, and Hawke knew it. Fenris could have died in that freezing lake, and it was all thanks to her. She knew what she had to do.

She spiraled lower into her sad thoughts. The piano player, however, picked up the pace as music filled the room with the next song.

_Happy music...great..._ Hawke thought to herself bitterly.

Perhaps, Hawke thought, she should just give up the Deep Roads thing while there was still a chance... disappear somewhere where none of her friends could find her. Maybe she should just- - -

Ander's hand creeped into her field of vision. He slowly stole the bread roll off of her plate. Then, picking up the forked utensils the waitress had brought earlier to their table, he stuck one of them into Hawke's bread roll and another fork into his own roll.

Elanna gazed at him curiously, but did not say anything.

Anders glanced over at the piano player as the tempo of the song increased. Anders began imitating a tap dance on the table using the bread rolls like miniature feet. He kicked one "foot" out, and then another like the go-go dancers at the Blooming Rose. Pretty soon, Hawke and all of her companions (except Fenris, of course) were watching Anders's dance act with delight.

The music finally ended, and Ander's bread rolls bowed to its audience as Hawke giggled and Isabela and Varric applauded. Fenris could feel his toes curling underneath the table as he seethed with anger while watching the mage.

_This morning she hugged me, now she can not look at me without seeming like she is in some sort of pain that she can't wait to escape from. Perhaps I have fooled myself into believing there was something more to us than was actually present. I've been such a fool..._

Hawke tried not to catch Fenris's gaze as he watched her with Anders. She knew what she had to do. She continued to talk animatedly to Anders while noticing Fenris getting a bottle of wine out of the corner of her eye.

_I'm sorry Fenris..._


	21. Chapter 21: Visitors, Lies, and an Idol

**Hello again, everyone! Sorry for the wait in uploading a new chapter, I had a ton of work to do for school. I've also been writing chapters for my other fic, "On Fire" which I hope some of you will check out and review as well. ^o^**

**This chapter was particularly difficult for me to write for some reason, so thanks again for sticking with me this long!**

**Chapter Song: "No Fear" by The Rasmus**

* * *

**-Hawke-**

Several days passed after the group's last meeting, and Hawke spent the time packing for her trip into the Deep Roads. Stuffing a month's worth of clothes and provisions into portable bags proved to be an arduous task, however. She now stood in the middle of the small bedroom she shared with Bethany with a long piece of parchment and a quill.

"Undergarments, check. Shirts, check," Hawke said to herself as she marked off items from her list.

Elanna heard her mother walk into the room delicately, her silk slippers barely making a sound as she crossed the room.

Leandra addressed her daughter, "I saw Fenris at the market today so I've invited him over for brunch. He should be here in a few moments, if you'd like to get ready."

Hawke's quill and paper dropped by her sides, and she thought of how to answer her mother without sounding ungrateful.

"Thanks for letting me know," she responded as she attempted a weak smile.

Her mother paused in the doorway as if to say to something, but never did, and Elanna heard the door close once again. Just like clockwork, a second knock came at the door a few minutes later.

"Hawke?" Fenris's said in a deep, hesitant voice.

Her back was turned to him, and she held her list in her hands.

"I didn't ask my mother to invite you," Elanna began without turning to face him, "you don't have to thank me."

Fenris sighed, and his armor clanked as he brought it up to rub his temples. Hawke distanced herself from the elf by walking over quickly to the other side of the room to tend the morning fire. When he refused to speak, it only made Elanna more nervous. She released this built-up energy by poking madly at the glowing logs.

"Hawke, something is troubling you," Fenris began as he silently walked over to Elanna, "I can feel just as sure as the lyrium is burned into my flesh."

She stopped prodding at the fire, and watched from the corner of her eye as Fenris stepped closer to her.

"I think I'm going crazy, Fenris."

Fenris opened his mouth to reply, but instead jumped back with a hiss as he stomped his feet on a nearby rug. A stray ember seemed to have leapt from the fireplace, and had burned a hole through the fabric that wrapped around the elf's feet.

**_If he continues to play with fire, he's bound to get burned, Love..._**

"Son of a nug, you've gotta' be shitting me," Elanna growled in frustration as she began packing once more in an attempt to ignore her visitor.

Fenris's eyes widened in slight surprise; it was unusual for Hawke to say phrases like that, even in private.

"It was only an accident, Hawke, clearly- - -"

"You need to keep away from me, no matter what," Elanna said as she stuffed a white shirt into one of her packs.

Fenris stared at her, not failing to notice how disheveled she looked with a long tunic shirt and matching pants with her long, black hair pulled up into a messy bun on the top of her head. Someone else knocked softly at the door, causing Elanna to twitch skittishly.

"Mother's almost done with the meal," Bethany said, and smiled when she saw Fenris with her sister, "good to see you as always, Fenris."

The elf bowed in return, but said, "Please give your mother my apologies, but I seemed to have forgotten that I have a previous engagement with Varric that needs to be attended to immediately."

Bethany stood in the middle of the doorway, confused, as the elf rushed past her.

The younger Hawke eyed her sister suspiciously, "Lanni? Something you wanna talk about?" she said once the main entrance door shut noisily.

"Fenris is away from me, and that's good," came Elanna's terse reply.

"How is that a good thing? I thought you two had a good thing going on- - -"

"Drop it, Sis."

Bethany was taken aback by Elanna's terse reply, but didn't venture to continue the conversation. She decided she would find her answers elsewhere.

* * *

**-Fenris-**

Several hours passed, and Fenris sat in the main hall with his armor spread out before him. Carefully expecting each leather strap and buckle of armor, the elf made sure his equipment would endure his trip to the Deep Roads. Setting a few tattered leather pieces aside, he made a mental note of supplies he needed at the weapon's shop in Hightown. A soft rapping interrupted his thoughts, and when Fenris opened the door, Bethany stood before him.

The woman laughed awkwardly as Fenris stood looking at her, crossing gauntleted hands over his chest, "It seems I've been visiting you a lot lately, Fenris, and you don't even like mages."

"Elanna is not here," Fenris said flatly, and would have continued, but was cut off,

"I know. She's still at home, actually."

Fenris shifted uneasily as he stared at the younger Hawke. Her face looked ashen, and worry lines creased her delicate face.

He cleared his throat to fill the silence, "Then why- - -"

"Did something happen, Fenris?" Bethany implored, peering into his face for some sort of answer.

"I am unsure as to what you are referring to- - -"

"You blighted well know what I mean," she interrupted harshly. Realizing her abruptness, Bethany looked down at her feet, embarrassed.

"I...I'm sorry," she stammered, "I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just..." Bethany's voice trailed off into a soft mumble.

Fenris knew that if he pressed the younger Hawke sister, he may never get to the bottom of her visit.

Bethany finally let out an exhausted sigh, "She hasn't been eating or sleeping well, and she always seems on edge about something. Plus, there's this whole thing with Anders- - -"

"I thought you of all people would have been happy your sister seems so interested in the abomination," Fenris scoffed, the corners of his mouth turning downward at the sound of the mage's name.

"I think she's lying," Bethany whispered swiftly, "I don't know about what, though. She hasn't been telling me anything lately."

"That makes two of us."

Just...just keep an eye on her, will you?"

"You have my word."

"Now if you will excuse me," Fenris said with a bow, "I am due to meet her and the rest of the group at the Hanged Man in less than an hour to discuss our trek into the Deep Roads."

* * *

**-Hawke-**

The door to the Hanged Man creaked open, and Hawke looked up to see Fenris striding over to join the rest of the party. She smiled softly when she noticed the red cloth still attached to the elf's armor, but when their eyes met, Hawke's smile faded into sadness.

_I can't let him get into harm's way_, she thought to herself as she took a quick drink from her large mug of water resting in front of her.

Although she had a feeling Fenris would be watching her from his seat, Hawke forced herself to avoid his gaze. The meeting lasted for little over an hour, and afterwards, the group started to disperse.

Standing up to head for the exit, Hawke addressed the party, mainly Anders, one last time, "I'll see you, Varric, and," her eyes flicked in the elf's direction, "Fenris tomorrow at dawn. We'll leave for the Deep Roads at Bartrand's orders."

**_Taking my former pet along, I see..._** Hawke's mind echoed, _**I hope nothing bad happens to him down in the Deep Roads...**_

Elanna shook her head emphatically, and hoped she wasn't making the biggest mistake in her life by bringing Fenris along for the trip.

* * *

Elanna slept poorly that night with nightmares haunting her until she woke up. Bartrand assembled quite a number of hirelings to accompany them into the Deep Roads, and they set off for one of the four main entrances marked on Anders's maps. Unfortunately for the group, they didn't get very far as the way into the Deep Roads as the entrance happened to be blocked by debris. It was take days to clear the way through, and Varric's brother was not all too pleased with the situation.

"What am I paying you blighters for?!" Bartrand roared angrily as he punched the messenger hireling in the face.

Apparently, Hawke found out, there was no way around the rumble without going through terrible danger (and no one liked unnecessary danger).

"Set camp!" Bartrand boomed to his hirelings as they scuttled to put up tents and a cooking station.

A short while later, Fenris and Varric volunteered to look ahead to try and find a way around the blockade, and the rest of the group sat down to eat supper. When Hawke got her plate of food, she walked away from the rest of the hoard of people to sit with her back against one of the broken pillars in the area. She closed her eyes in an attempt to shut out the whispers. She couldn't fathom how Fenris put up with the constant gossiping and stares they both had gotten since their journey began due to the lyrium in their skins. Fenris seemed to block it all out, and instead focused his energies on other things. But for Elanna, the stares were uncomfortable (and that was putting it mildly).

"This seat taken?"

Anders's eyes lit up when Elanna smiled and gestured for him to take a seat against an adjacent pillar. The two spoke softly about the day's events, and about the Deep Roads, in general, until there was a lapse in the conversation. Anders realized Hawke was staring at him sideways as if studying him.

"How do you do it, Anders?" she finally said.

Anders flashed her a good-natured smile, "Do what, m'lady?"

"Block Justice out when he's being excessively chatty. You must always be walking around with a massive headache."

"That's not really how it works...you know that."

Elanna repositioned herself against the pillar so that her lyrium marks wouldn't hurt her as much, and her eyes caught the sight of Fenris returning to camp. His face darkened when he saw Anders and Hawke together, and he retreated to his tent without a word to anyone. He emerged a few minutes later with weapons that Hawke assumed needed to be sharpened.

She refocused her attention back to the conversation as she tried to push Fenris out of her mind, "But there must be times when you two disagree on something, and then he just won't stop talking, correct?"

When Anders nodded in confirmation, Elanna continued quickly, "So how do you get him to quiet down, to leave you alone to your own thoughts?"

"To tell you the truth, I've never really thought much about it..."

Anders sat in silence as he pondered her question thoughtfully. Finally, he grinned at the pleading look in the woman's face, "Don't give me those big eyes, Hawke, you know I can't say 'no' to anything when you do that."

Elanna smiled back hopefully, thinking, _Maybe Anders will know how I can get Danarius out of my head long enough for me to tell Fenris..._

Taking a bite of spiced rice, he replied, "I just think about who I am as a man, and about all the experiences I've had before Justice and I became one. I'm not sure if that answers your question, but it's the only answer I have at the moment."

Now it was his turn to look intently at the woman sitting next to him. Her bright silver eyes shone brilliantly even in the stale darkness of the Deep Roads as she continued to eat her meal in contemplation.

Anders moved closer to Hawke, their bodies resting alongside one another, "Why do you ask?" he said in a hushed voice which made Elanna lean in to hear him properly.

"No reason," she whispered back, and looked up to realize just how close his face was to hers.

Anders reached up, and pushed a lock of Elanna's hair behind her ear, "You don't have to worry about me, you know."

Elanna bit her lip, and broke his gaze when his hand travelled to cup her cheek gently, "Don't get involved with me," she said, "you'll only end up getting hurt, and I don't want that, believe me."

Elanna's eyes met Anders's amber ones again when she heard him chuckle, "I think that's supposed to be my line, Hawke."

"Yeah, maybe," Elanna said as she rose to go to her tent. Anders followed her, standing more than just a little close to her.

Elanna glanced over to where Fenris sat while sharpening his greatsword with a large waterstone. He had the first watch, so while everyone else was readying for sleep, he sat upright and alert, running his blade over the wet stone in a rhythmic motion. Just as she suspected, he was watching their interactions, and his eyes narrowed into small slits that gave him the look of an extremely angry viper.

"I have the midnight watch tonight," she said over her shoulder, "I should rest now while I can..."

Hawke cocked her head to the side, listening intently at something she could not place. It sounded almost too distant to hear, and yet she suddenly yearned to hear more of it all at once.

_Is that...music?_

"Do you hear that?" she whispered to Anders.

"Hear what? There's nothing down here, except darkspawn, and they aren't known for being the quiet types."

"Oh, just water dripping into caverns, I suppose," Hawke lied, "Sleep well, Anders."

Anders took her porcelain hand in his, and kissed it lightly saying, "Maker guard you during your watch."

* * *

The silence in the Deep Roads during the midnight watch was deafening. Even so, Elanna did not have to look beside her to know Fenris had joined her where she stood. Ever since the ritual Danarius performed on her, Hawke could sense whenever Fenris was near her as the lyrium on her skin nearly hummed in her ears. She was almost certain Fenris experienced the same thing, too.

"Can't sleep?" she said slowly, refusing to take her eyes away from scanning the area.

Fenris inhaled deeply, "Not with the abomination drooling all over you, and undressing you with his eyes every chance he gets," he snarled.

Elanna focused her eyes into the distance while trying to keep her face stoic.

_Even after everything I've done to try and push him away, he still cares for me?_

She couldn't help but feel uplifted at Fenris's display of jealousy even if it was justified, "It's tough being an insomniac," Hawke said aloud.

"Apparently, you have been having the same problem, judging from your sister's reports."

"Yeah, she's right," Elanna replied in a tired voice, "I haven't had a decent sleep since..."

Hawke's voice faded into the sounds of snoring men and rustling sleeping gear of the campsite. She twirled one of the dagger's Fenris had given her as part of her rogue's equipment.

"Not since staying at your place," she said quietly.

Elanna held her breath, but her mind remained silent. She released the air in her lungs slowly in relief as she dared to look at Fenris in the face. There was a softness in his expression that Hawke realized she missed dearly since the strange occurrences began happening to her.

"I see..."

The elf and girl were silence once again, each of them wanting to say something to the other, but afraid to break what little peace they shared in the moment. The time Hawke had hoped for to tell Fenris about Danarius slipped away along with that peace.

* * *

The next few days were spent going further into the Deep Roads. Elanna made excellent progress in using her lyrium to aid her in battles. Fenris couldn't help but to admire the speed, agility, and power Hawke gained with each fight. Slaying darkspawn always came relatively easy for the woman, and now, they seemed to be little more than playthings to her.

At the end of one particularly tough battle with an unfriendly dragon, Fenris saw Elanna transfer the glow of her lyrium onto her large rogue's blade which she threw to impale the giant lizard in a death blow. The dragon then proceeded to melt from the inside out, and its cries were loud and excruciating to human ears. Hawke, meanwhile, thrust her other blade back into its holder with a satisfied grin.

Fenris came up beside her, "Did I know you can do that?"

"Yeah, Hawke," Varric chimed as he set his bow down after the fight, "Bianca's sure smitten with you since you've been picking up some serious skills. I must admit, I'm feeling a bit jealous."

Hawke laughed wearily before taking a few deep breaths so that her body would stop glowing.

Wiping the bloody blade on the sole of her boot, she answered, "Seems like my powers are different than Fenris's...I can't run my hands through people's bodies, but I can melt things, and throw that power onto my weapons or even into thin air."

Fenris cocked an eyebrow at her, impressed, "Since when can you do these things? I do not remember seeing anything of the sort during our training sessions."

"During my watches," she replied happily, "I've been practicing different techniques for days now."

She smiled wholeheartedly at Fenris, and he returned her smile with a smirk of his own.

The company pressed forward, but Elanna turned back into one of the hall's side passages.

"Hawke?" Varric said, "you onto something?"

She sprinted forward, and disappeared into the darkness.

"The music's coming from over here!" the company heard her voice echo, and they rushed to find the rogue at the end of a long hallway.

"Music? What you've been drinkin', human?!" Bartrand said as he took off in a huff after the rogue.

* * *

Varric, surprisingly, was the first one to reach the large, open room where Hawke stood on the top of a set of stairs. There was a small statue sitting on a platform that glowed in an eerie shade of red. Fenris, Anders, and Bartrand joined the dwarf shortly.

"Is that," Bartrand breathed excitedly, "pure lyrium? That's gotta be worth a fortune..."

Varric looked around the the markings along the room, and did not recognize any of them as Dwarven symbols. Something was not right.

"It looks like no lyrium I've ever seen, Brother," Varric replied.

Fenris's head pulsated with pain as the lyrium on his body shrilled loudly in his ears. He felt his heart stop in fear as he watched Hawke walking over to the statue.

Elanna's eyes glowed softly, and she reached out with a shaking hand to grab ahold of the lyrium idol. Her heart pounded madly in her chest, and she could not take her eyes off of it.

Danarius's voice sounded crystal clear in her mind,_** My hold on you will soon be unbreakable, my pet...**_

The lyrium winding around Elanna's body suddenly reacted, and she erupted in light; the party was thrown down the stairs by an invisible force. But it was Fenris who flew back the furthest, hitting the stone wall, and getting the wind knocked out of him.

"Hawke!" Anders yelled after her, afraid of what would happen. He tried getting up, but the strange force that threw everyone back also held them down until they were immobile. Anders could not even bring himself to his knees.

Elanna's voice trembled, but her grin was unnaturally large, "The master...it's our master, Fenris," she said wildly, "He's singing to me through this idol. How...beautiful."

"Elanna, don't touch it!"


	22. Chapter 22: The Return

_Welcome to chapter 22! I especially want to thank Greenleaf1075 for all of her suggestions and help with writing this chapter and the chapters to come. This was a very emotional chapter for me to try and convey to the readers, and I hope I got that across._

**A/N: This chapter deals with topics some people may be uncomfortable with. Parts of this deals with matters of forced affection. Just a fair warning.**

* * *

Fenris ghosted over, pummeling Hawke to the ground before she could grab the idol. He landed on top of her, and struggled to keep her from reaching out to the object she so desired. They tumbled over one another with Hawke's gaze never leaving the idol as she thrashed about madly. Fenris pinned her arms to her chest and curled his legs around her body, and forced her into immobility.

"Hawke, look at me!" Fenris said sternly, but to no avail.

"It's our master, Fenris," Hawke replied in an raspy voice, "Can't you hear him calling you? Can't you feel him?"

"Elanna, snap of it!" Fenris begged, his face contorted in pain from his own markings as he held her down.

Her eyes and body shined purple, and activated the lyrium on the elf's skin as well. Everyone looked on in horror as Hawke wrestled to get from the elf's grasp. They shielded their eyes as light engulfed the room in a brilliant display of violets and blues that washed over the four corners of the room like a sea wave.

The intensity of the light then began to fade, and the purple in Hawke's eyes slowly returned to silver.

Elanna blinked up at the elf in confusion, "Fenris, is that you?" she said meekly, seeing the elf's face soften.

Fenris merely sighed deeply, and let his muscles relax as he bowed his head tiredly.

"What happened?" Hawke said, her voice echoing in the silent room. "The last thing I remember was fighting the dragon."

Fenris released his grip on her wrists, and silently prayed to Maker he did not injure her.

"Yes," he said quietly, "and it has been defeated."

"Then what am I doing here," a blush crept into Elanna's cheeks as she looked around, "with you on top of me?"

Awkwardly, Fenris unlatched himself from her, "I apologize," he said with a hint of embarrassment that colored his cheeks and ears. "You were...under distress."

Hawke looked at him curiously, until understanding washed over her face. Without looking away from Elanna, Fenris reached out and grabbed the idol with a free hand and tossed it to the rest of the group. Bartrand caught the idol, and it glowed slightly in his hands before growing dim at last.

"Get that thing away from here," he growled to the dwarf as he helped Elanna to her feet.

Bartrand turned the idol over in his hands carefully, admiring the unique grooves and crevices carved into the stone.

"Yeah," he whispered to himself, "I'll take it away from here...no doubt about that."

* * *

"Out of the way, Elf." Anders voice boomed in concern as he rushed over to Elanna's side.

He nearly shoved Fenris out of the way as he took Elanna's face in his hands and stared into her eyes.

"What is my name?" he said in a voice he reserved only for his patients in his clinic.

Fenris cursed in Tevene, and glowered in Anders's direction.

"Anders, I'm fine," Elanna said, but her voice shook slightly with her words.

The mage grabbed the blue orb from his staff, and held it up to Hawke's face.

"What day is it? Scratch that, I don't even know what blighted day it is. Sodding Deep Roads," he grumbled as he used the orb as a sort of magical flashlight to look at her pupils. "Just follow the light."

He moved the globe to the left and to the right, watching her reaction intently.

"Seems everything's in order," he said mainly to himself as he laid a slight healing spell on Elanna. "Any shortness of breath, dizziness, anything at all?"

Elanna slowly brushed the dirt and dust off of her clothes while Fenris and the rest of the group stared at her.

"Nothing is wrong with me," she replied flatly.

Blinking, Elanna's vision soon stabilized. But, that was when Hawke saw a sight she wished she didn't see: Bartrand shutting the exit door behind him as he ran away with the idol.

"The door!" Elanna yelled, shifting the focus away from her.

"Bartrand!" Varric called as he ran to catch the door behind him.

He was too late, though. Varric's own brother locked them in the Deep Roads to die. The hirelings were all near the starting point, and Bartrand quickly paid them while calling off the rest of the expedition. The only ones left in the Deep Roads by the end of the day were Hawke and her companions.

Everyone looked at the door in silence, each of them hoping that this was all some sort of elaborate joke.

It was not.

"Looks like we'll have to find another way out of this blighted shit-hole," Varric said with disappointment as he began searching the room for another door.

No one had the courage to console Varric about his brother's evident betrayal- - - there was nothing they could say to ease the situation even if they had. Fortunately for the explorers, the riches they stumbled across while trying to find a way out far outmatched the value of Bartrand's idol.

At least that seemed to have cheered up Varric. Elanna, meanwhile, gazed upon chests and chest of gold and jewels without so much as a smile on her face.

Varric practically had to pack away her share of the riches himself.

* * *

Elanna knew her condition in dealing with Danarius was worsening, but when the thing with the idol happened, she felt her mind seal with his power over her. She spent countless hours while still in the Deep Roads trying to regain some semblance of her identity, but every day seemed to be getting harder and harder for her. Every step she took, every word she spoke, seemed to be done or said in a thick fog Elanna could not see through. As the days passed in the Deep Roads, her thoughts became consumed with Danarius.

At the worst of it, all Hawke could think about was how to reach 'her master' once exiting the Deep Roads. When she would be lucid enough to think her own thoughts, she'd remember the feelings and thoughts of times prior, and sink into a state of self-loathing.

_Why am I thinking these things...feeling these things...I can't possibly want Danarius. He's a monster...what would that make me?_

Elanna did not realize most days when people spoke to her (not that many people did after the incident, anyways). At one point, she believed Anders may have given her a sleeping draught or some sort of potion to ease her mind, but she couldn't be certain.

Fenris was the most concerned for her health, and always stayed near her for the rest of the trip. Whereas Anders constantly tried to get her to open up and speak again, Fenris observed her closely, watching her every move. It seemed pointless at the time to force Elanna to speak, even if he did long for her to tell him what was troubling her.

He knew everything that was happening to Elanna had something to do with the lyrium on her skin, but his own experience with the markings seemed to pale in comparison to the emotional trauma Hawke was experiencing.

* * *

They arrived back to the surface two weeks later, their trip totaling a little over a month and a half. The sun greeted the explorers with its bright and cheery rays of warmth.

"Ah, never thought I'd be so happy to see the sun again!" Varric said happily as he stretched his arms outwards. "What about you, Hawke?"

Elanna had her eyes focused on the lyrium markings on her hands, and only looked up when Fenris cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Yeah, sounds nice," she said distractedly.

Varric exchanged worried looks with Fenris and Anders. Hawke hadn't so much as even spoken to them willingly ever since the incident with the lyrium idol.

"You should return home, and tell your mother and sister that we have all arrived safely," Fenris said as he tried to get a good look at her expression.

"Safe...okay..."

What is happening to Hawke, and why won't she ask someone...anyone...to help her? Fenris thought to himself as sadness welled up deep inside him.

He wasn't sure what was wrong with Hawke, but he knew running away from the situation now would only make things worse.

_Even if she does seem to favor the abomination over me now, _he thought bitterly as he watched Hawke walk slowly to her family's Lowtown home_, I cannot simply leave her when it is my fault she is plagued far worse by the lyrium than I ever was..._

* * *

**_See, Love, I knew you would come around to see things my way..._** Elanna's mind echoed.**_ And now, thanks to your little run-in with the lyrium city in the Deep Roads, I now know exactly where to find you..._**

Elanna paced the Wounded Coast again for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

Days had passed since re-emerging from the Deep Roads, and Hawke's condition did not get any better. She returned home, told her mother and Bethany that they were going to be rich, and left for the Wounded Coast. Everyday since then, Hawke had done the same thing- - - walk up and down the Wounded Coast as if waiting for something.

Elanna just wanted to be alone with her thoughts- - - thoughts of Danarius she knew were shameful, crude, and disgusting. Thoughts that plagued her every waking hour.

These thoughts would not subside, but instead, increased with intensity as the days passed.

She could not deny these feelings: she needed to find Danarius.

Bethany and Leandra were worried about Elanna, and they sought out Varric, Anders, and Fenris to find out what had happened during their trip, but they all remained quiet on the matter. They both knew something bad had happened, but no one dared to tell them anything.

Leandra cried for her daughter often when she thought no one was watching.

* * *

_Danarius..._ Hawke thought to herself as she walked barefoot along the beachy coast later that afternoon.

_**Dearest...do you wish to finally see your master?**_

"Maker, yes..." she breathed.

**_And will you be a good pet, and do everything I say?_**

_Yes, Master, whatever you wish is my command..._

**_And what is your wish, Paccipita? Tell your master..._**

Elanna's mind completely blanked: she could not think, could not rationalize what was happening to her any longer. She could only feel an insatiable gnawing in the pit of her stomach that made her think the only remedy was to be with Danarius...forever.

_I want...I want..._

Something cracked in Elanna's consciousness, and she shook her head violently.

"No, no, no! You can't have me!"

* * *

Hawke sprinted to Fenris's mansion; she had to tell him about Danarius, even if it killed her. She ran down the street as fast as her lyrium markings would take her. She prayed she would be herself long enough to get her point across.

Anders happened to be in Hightown, restocking his supplies for the clinic when a shockingly white blur rushed past him.

_That light...it can only be Hawke..._

Anders absentmindedly payed for his purchase, and ran off in the opposite direction, for instinct told him something bad was just about to come to fruition.

* * *

Within seconds, Hawke kicked down the door to Fenris's mansion where she found the elf playing another solitary card game.

"Fenris, you've got to help me," she threw herself into the room, and ran towards the elf.

Fenris's face paled in alarm, "Maker, what is the matter?"

Elanna reached out for Fenris, and he reacted instinctively by grabbing her hands in his. Her eyes were wild looking and wide with fear, and her palms were cold and clammy.

"I tried, Fenris, I've been trying for weeks to tell you, but I couldn't...he wouldn't let me, and now it's too late. Please don't let him take me, don't let him- - -"

"Slow down," Fenris replied, trying his best to resist becoming overwhelmed by the emotions transferred to him through Elanna's markings.

Dread, anguish, confusion, and desire- - - all of these emotions raced through Fenris's lyrium scars. He couldn't get her to as much as flinch in the face of danger in the past weeks, and here she was, frightened out of her mind and begging for his help. He stared at her when she cut herself off suddenly.

"Elanna?"

Her eyes glassed over, unseeing. Dropping her hands, Elanna backed slowly away from Fenris. Her face was no longer livid with anxiety and anguish. It was emotionless and blank. Fenris did not like what he was seeing, and his heart began to race with uncertainty.

"Hawke, Hawke, what's wrong? What's the- - -"

"My little Fenris, glad to see you've kept my little experiment safe while she adjusted to the lyrium."

Fenris's muscles clenched, and his heart dropped to his feet. He had no need to look to know who addressed him.

His former master, Danarius, stood in the doorway.

He grinned sadistically and twisted; it was the same smile Fenris saw almost nightly in his dreams.

"Come to your master, Paccipita, Love..."

"Hawke, no!" He lunged for her, but missed and stumbled to the floor.

"Master?" Paccipita-Hawke said, squinting into the man's face.

Fenris noticed the change in her face, he had been seeing flashes of it for days now. It had begun the second her eyes glazed over in the Deep Roads when she almost touched the idol. Now, her voice sounded shallow and unfeeling, devoid of life.

Nothing good would come out of Elanna as long as her voice rang feelingless as the Void itself.

When his memory had been erased, Fenris did not know anything other than serving Danarius. The same voice Hawke used to address him now was like an echo in his memory. It made Fenris want to retch.

He was jolted out of his memories when Danarius spoke again, "There's a good little girl, come to me," Danarius beckoned as if to a lost puppy.

Elanna obliged by walking toward him; Fenris remained frozen as he watched. When Hawke reached Danarius, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as he buried his face in her hair. She trembled with what Fenris thought looked like yearning in her eyes.

"See what a good listener she is, Fenris?" Danarius cooed at Elanna, watching her as her eyes shined bright with unnatural desire.

Rage enthralled the elf as he glowed his warning, "Shut your mouth, Danarius!"

"Nah ah ah, I don't like that tone of voice. And you know what happens when you displease me?"

Fenris's eyes widened, petrified momentarily, as Danarius snapped his fingers. It was Hawke, however, that reacted. Screaming in agony, her lyrium markings pulsated red as she dropped to her knees.

"Please, Master, no...!" she choked as she writhed in pain, clawing at her skin frantically.

"Danarius!"

"Say the magic words..."

He twirled his fingers around in a circle, Hawke's screams intensified.

Fenris looked down at the woman on the cold marble floor, her silver eyes shut with pain, sweat beading up on her glowing skin, and her body thrashing around like an animal in the thralls of death.

Fenris didn't feel anything when he balled his fist, he didn't feel anything when blood dripped from half-moon slits his nails made as they carved through his palms. He didn't feel anything, but hate. That sickness the slavers had planted inside him, after years of torment both physical and emotional. He could not allow the same fate to be bestowed upon Hawke.

He lowered his head begrudgingly, his throat tight and burning, "Please...Master..." he hissed through gritted teeth,"Please refrain from physically harming the experiment..."

Another snap of the fingers, and Hawke stopped glowing red, her breath in loud, labored pants that echoed around the mansion. She wheezed, coughed, and sprayed blood around her.

Fenris felt hot. He wanted to reach out and save Hawke from Danarius, but he was powerless to do so, without Danarius lashing out at her.

Danarius smiled. He loved seeing his pet under so much distress. Looking at his latest specimen, he was filled with lust and desire both for the powers she possessed from the lyrium as well as for her physical form.

"Let's see how well she plays along, hmm, my pet?" Danarius said as he licked his lips.

Turning to Hawke, Danarius bent down and grabbed her chin, forcing her face near his.

"Look at me..."

Hawke coughed, and kept her eyes averted. He slapped her face with a ringed hand, her face falling in the splattered blood around her. When she looked up again, Fenris saw blood gushing from a large split on her lip.

"You piece of filth, I _made_ you... do as your master commands."

Fenris flinched and he felt his eyes burn. In all his years being a slave to Danarius, being on the run and being hunted, and nearly starving to death, he had never felt as helpless as he did now. Looking at Hawke before him, her weak body trembling, her face bloodied, and a bruise swelling her lip where Danarius had hit her, Fenris felt his heart breaking. He gripped his large greatsword as hard as he could with the intent of ramming the weapon through his master's heart. But, he faltered, and instead slammed the sword on the ground, howling in frustration and anger.

Fenris knew without a shadow of a doubt that Danarius would take her, would ravage her body, and would bleed her- - - And he was powerless to stop it.

The past would repeat itself.

He watched as Danarius yanked Elanna to her feet by her hair as she pleaded for him to stop.

"Now, show your master how much you love him."

Fenris cried for Hawke to fight back, but the plea fell on deaf ears. Danarius smashed his lips on hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth. Fenris could see the shock on her face, her arms rigid at her sides, but she did not resist. He could also see the intense internal struggle Hawke was going through as she interacted with his former master.

Danarius crushingly held Hawke up against his body, his hands gripped her legs as he pushed up against her thighs. Releasing her with a laugh, he threw on the ground at his feet where she remained, kneeling before him with her eyes downcast.

Fenris's eyebrows went up in surprise as a magical force field appeared around Danarius as flames flew in the middle of the air.

"Leave my sister alone!" Bethany yelled as she raced towards Danarius with Anders following closely behind her.

Her eyes were alight with anger, and her staff and hands were engulfed with flames ignited by her emotions.

Fenris saw Elanna look in Bethany's direction, but if she recognized her sister, she did not show it. She showed concern only for the man next to her.

"Master, are you injured?" Paccipita-Hawke said.

Danarius stroked Hawke's face fondly.

"My, even your sister has a bit of bite in her...and a mage, no less!" he replied with a mixture of surprise and anger.

He addressed Bethany, "But sadly, I have no use for someone like you."

Bethany gasped as she watched her own sister unsheathe her blades slowly like a lioness eyeing her prey. Although Danarius barely spoke above a whisper, his words sent chills down Bethany's spine as it echoed ominously around the mansion.

"Kill her."


	23. Chapter 23: The Last of Us

**A/N: Wow, I can't believe the amazing journey I've gone through while writing this fanfic! I just wanted to take the time to thank all of my faithful readers and reviewers who have read my work thus far. Without your support and feedback, I don't think I would have ever finished this story. I am forever grateful for you all! And yes, this is the last chapter, but I have grown so attached to this story, that I am not ending it here. In other words, there will be a sequel! So, although this last chapter is certainly no happy ending, I hope you will follow me as I continue writing this story in Part 2! **

**This was an extremely hard chapter for me to write as I have dealt with loss in my own life, and I debated with myself over the ending so many times I have lost count. But, here it is, and I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Bethany's heart stopped beating as she looked upon her elder sibling. This was not the Elanna she knew and loved all the years of her life. This was not the sister who would hold her hand when she'd have a nightmare, patch up her scraped knee, or unnail her braid after Carver would pin it to the bedframe. Looking upon her sister now in the split second before she was attacked, Bethany did not see her beloved Lanni in the reflection of her silver eyes.

Thoughts flashed before Bethany's mind, _She wouldn't do it...my own sister would never turn on me so easily..._

Bethany was wrong. Her sister burst into a white light and disappears before she could take another breath.

Elanna flew towards her and aimed her rogue's blades at her victim's chest.

_So close...this is Master's first request, and I must fulfill it_, an unnatural voice said in her mind. There was a smaller, weaker voice however, trying to scream in protest, but it was quickly silenced as the lyrium markings flared on her skin.

Elanna was supposed to hear the horrid, gurgling sound made by her dying sister. She was supposed to kill her quickly and easily. Elanna did not hesitate even when she saw Bethany raising her arms in fear as she tried to cover her face.

Instead, she heard the sound of metal clashing against metal where flesh should have been pierced.

Elanna snarled like a ravenous animal as she realized something was in her way.

Bethany lowered her arms to see herself staring at the back of tall man with a large sword.

"Don't...do...this," Fenris struggled to say as he used all his force to push Elanna away from her sister.

For the first time in his life, Fenris _protected_ a mage. The Fade must have finally frozen over.

_Venhedis...she's gotten stronger..._ he thought as a slight panic gnawed at the pit of his stomach.

"Stay back! You are not the objective!" Elanna growled as she leapt back with ease to regain her footing.

She looked over to Danarius to see what her orders would be. He waved his hand lazily in front of his face as he gestured to the people in the room.

"Kill them all," came his bored reply.

Fenris activated the lyrium lining his skin as Elanna sprinted towards him, and he pushed the limit of his power to its full potential. Fenris blocked her attack, and weaved around Elanna in a counter strike. They moved with such speed that they looked like colliding masses of shimmering light. Their blades sparked with every hit they took, and their lyrium markings roared every time they came into contact, producing a sound like angry rolls of thunder. They both resorted to springboarding themselves off of chairs and tables in the hope of gaining an advantage over the other.

Fenris knew Elanna was now faster. He knew that one wrong step would cost him his life.

The flickers of light were the only things Anders could see as he looked around the room. It was no use to try and use magic to slow Elanna down. It pained him to even think the thought. He looked at Bethany, and they knew that they were the ones that needed to kill Danarius.

As long as Danarius remained alive, they knew they would all lose their lives from Elanna's blades.

Killing Danarius was the key in breaking Elanna's trance.

* * *

"Go ahead, just try and kill me!" Elanna screamed and grinned wildly as she ghosted over to Fenris with the intention of running her blades down his body.

Fenris swung his large sword down, and knocked her to the side, but that did not deter her, and she threw her assassin's blade at him. As Fenris jumped out of the way, he saw Bethany conjuring a massive fire spell with her mage's staff.

Magical lightning sparked from Anders' own staff, and he lined Bethany's fire spell with his power as the large fire bomb shot towards Danarius.

"Ignorant fools!" Danarius hollered with a snide laugh, "Do you honestly think you can defeat a Tevinter magister?"

Circling his staff above his head, Danarius slammed it against the floor- - - Anders and Bethany flew back as if hit with an invisible explosion.

The battles commenced in full force after that: Anders and Bethany pooled their talents together to fend off Danarius, while Fenris and Elanna clashed in their own fight. With each swing of his greatsword, Fenris could tell he was pushing the rogue woman closer to the back of the mansion's wall. But, just as he thought he had her cornered, Hawke used the wall to run up along it and flip over Fenris. Their positions were now switched, and Hawke wasted no time in forming an "X" with her blades in an attempt to ram them into the elf's armor. Fenris brought his sword up in defense a moment too late, and Hawke's blade sliced a thin line along his exposed arm.

Fenris' eyes widened when he heard a strained whisper hissed into his ear, "Fight back, damnit!"

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

At that moment, he was torn from the present as a memory surged through his mind. All of the conversations he had with Hawke since the day they met played back in blur: all of the kind words she had spoken to him, all of the jokes they had shared, everything. He could see the colorful fall leaves blanketing the grass the day Elanna had asked him to be his sparring partner. He could feel the sun on his body as he remembered lying under a tree with Elanna napping near him.

He blinked: he felt the touch of her hand caress his face.

He blinked again: the sensation of her soft lips on his own felt vividly real at that very moment.

He'd give anything to go back to those happier times. If he could, he knew he'd go back to those moments and tell her- - - tell her how he really felt.

He'd tell her that he loved her.

But, this was no practice fight. There were no breaks to catch one's breath,no way of stopping, and no way to come out of this battle unscathed. In an odd and twisted way, Fenris felt proud of Elanna: proud of her progress since training with him, and proud of the speed, agility, and skill she now had thanks to the time they spent together.

_If anyone were to kill me, at least it would be worthy adversary..._ Fenris thought as he continued to fight for his life.

All of this pulsed through him quickly as if they were the last things he'd ever think of in his life.

* * *

The others, however, were faring much better against Danarius. The magister was losing power, but he still refused to surrender. Panting slightly, Danarius' voice rang throughout the mansion.

"Enough! I am done with you all!"

He slit his palms, and blood gushed forth from the wound.

"Danarius, stop!" Fenris shouted, but was cut off by Elanna lunging at him suddenly.

Elanna's concentration broke as she saw Bethany rise into the air while gagging for air. A green haze surrounded her body, and shielded Bethany from view. There was a single scream and a harsh grinding sound. Then, the cloud evaporated as quickly as it come, and Bethany hit the ground with a loud crash.

Every bone in her body was shattered.

Elanna dropped her fighting stance, and Fenris knew he had the briefest window of opportunity.

Danarius looked surprised as Fenris suddenly rammed his ghosted hand into his chest and ripped out his heart in an instant. He had not thought to guard his back at all, and now he was paying the price of his carelessness with his life.

"Rot in the Void, you sack of shit!"

His former master made no sound as the life left his body.

Elanna's mind finally cleared, and she returned to her former consciousness. Danarius' hold on her was finally broken. She was free from the trance that had made her a prisoner in her own mind. That was when she recognized her sister's body in the corner of the room.

Everyone went quiet after that.

* * *

"Bethany? BETHANY?!"

The mage woman lay quiet in the corner of the room, her hands clutching her chest, and her mouth open in a silent scream. Everyone turned to look at the younger Hawke as Elanna scrambled over to Anders.

"Here," she said hastily as she dragged Anders' hands and placed them on her sister's body, "Heal her... hurry!" she said as she tried to get Anders' healing magic to flow from his palms.

"Hawke...there's nothing I can do..." he replied in a soft voice as he turned his hands to lace his fingers with hers.

Elanna's voice cracked, "No! That can't be!"

Anders felt his own eyes grow blurry.

"She's gone, Elanna... I'm so sorry..."

"Fix her!" she yelled, "That's your job, isn't it?!"

Elanna felt her fists pounding against Anders' chest, but she could not stop herself. The mage wrapped her tightly in his arms, and she responded by thrashing about violently.

"What kind of blighted healer are you?! You're better at killing people than healing them!"

Elanna's screams turned to sobs, and her anger turned to burning tears as her hands tried to grip the feathers of Anders' cloak. Her thrashing lessened, and she merely clung onto Anders cloak as if she were about to faint.

There was no strength left in her body, mind, and soul.

Elanna, the strongest woman anyone had ever met, had overcome so many obstacles in such a short amount of time. She had survived the Blight, the destruction of her home, indentured servitude, kidnapping, abuse, and a blood magic ritual. She had survived it all without ever wanting to give up.

This time, however, everyone who heard her cries of despair and anguish knew she had finally crumbled. Elanna had given up.

Fenris' heart broke as he watched silently as Elanna fell to the ground.

"Shh...shhh...it'll be okay..." Anders murmured into her hair as he dropped to the ground with Elanna slowly.

The only sound in the entire area was the sound of Elanna crying openly. She didn't care about manners anymore, she didn't care about decorum, and she didn't care how she must look to her companions anymore. Slowly, she began to wail, sadness gripping her chest like a tight vice.

She no longer cared for anything now that her sister was dead.

"You're supposed to save her..." she whimpered feebly, "just like you always do..."

"I know, Love, and I'm sorry..." Anders said quietly as tried soothing her.

Tears streamed down her face, her entire body still glowed bright from the lyrium, and she was now shaking. Anders reacted by cradling her closer to him.

"No...no...no..." Elanna whispered repeatedly as she tried not to look at her sister's lifeless and crushed body.

Anders glanced up and caught Fenris' eyes as they exchanged looks of sorrow.

For Fenris, this victory was supposed to be the key to his freedom, the key to his happiness, the key to everything he had ever wanted. This was meant to be the sweet culmination of everything he worked so hard to accomplish.

But, seeing the abomination consoling Elanna by rocking her in his arms as she cried was too much for the elf. Fenris could do nothing to ease the poison of hate that still coursed through his veins. He could do nothing but watch as the abomination held her close to him, whispering words only audible to the two of them.

It should have been him holding Elanna in his arms. It always should have been him by her side. Now, he had no one: no family, no real friends, and a lover who had all but forgotten their time together. Fenris didn't even have an enemy to focus on.

He felt his sword slip through his bloody fingers, the metal echoing loudly as it hit the floor.

Fenris tasted nothing but ashes.


End file.
